Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I fucking hate where we live and don't know what to do

269 replies

PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:03

I'm so upset, I fucking hate where we live.

We only bought the house in November and I just don't think moving now would be a possibility. There are jobs half done that we'd need to finish before selling which will take time to save up for.

I feel like crying every day.

It's because of our neighbours in the main. They are horrible and if I'd have seen them / heard them when we viewed I'd have not thought for a second about buying this house.

I'm terrified that we'll never get rid of the thing because of them.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 28/05/2021 14:23

Can you speak to the HA, OP? It sounds really awful.

Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:23

Don't get into any disputes with them because that would have to be declared to potential buyers (and alert them).

Just quietly bide your time.

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:24

Tbh I'm reluctant to report anything. I'm here alone most days and I just don't want to cause any potential tensions between us (further than there already are anyway).

OP posts:
parietal · 28/05/2021 14:25

can you raise the height of your garden fence so they can't see in? Make your home & garden into your kingdom that you keep private, and as long as they are outside your space, they can't harm you. Hard as it is, you can train yourself to ignore them most of the time.

MaggieFS · 28/05/2021 14:27

Deep breaths and don't panic. Work out your exit plan. What jobs must you do. Make a list. Rather than feel overwhelmed and unhappy, focus positively on what you can do and crack on. Don't spend energy thinking about what you can't influence (i.e. horrid neighbours and whether or not they will ever move) as that will make it seem more depressing.

Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:28

Just sit tight OP. Once you've got a long term plan to escape you'll feel better.

I had hell with a neighbour in my first house and it nearly drove me insane. So i know how you feel OP.

The first morning in my new home, still laying in bed, i actually cried with relief to be away from them. I'll never forget it!

Ipadannie · 28/05/2021 14:31

I would have an off the record chat with the housing association to make them aware of your concerns. And keep a diary of an incidents in case it's needed.

BoomChicka · 28/05/2021 14:32

What have they actually done? Get a blind for the kitchen, avoiding your own kitchen all day is silly when you have fix that for a tenner. Next I would prioritise fencing to get as much privacy as possible. You have as much right to enjoy your garden as they do, but you are letting this overwhelm you.

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:32

Would they even do anything anyway? I spent ages looking online about HA tenants causing issues etc... And practically everywhere was about how them having to leave is a last resort, mediation between the neighbours is the first step etc etc. I just don't think they'll do anything.

OP posts:
Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:34

@BoomChicka

What have they actually done? Get a blind for the kitchen, avoiding your own kitchen all day is silly when you have fix that for a tenner. Next I would prioritise fencing to get as much privacy as possible. You have as much right to enjoy your garden as they do, but you are letting this overwhelm you.
Yes, do these sort of little bits which will make life more bareable for now.

It's short term solutions, but important for your sanity.

ShutUpAlex · 28/05/2021 14:35

Have you actually spoken to them?

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:35

It's causing issues with me and DH too because I feel like I can't talk to him about it now because he just gets frustrated and asks me what I expect him to do about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:35

@ShutUpAlex

Have you actually spoken to them?
Yes and I got a load of abuse which is why I feel so intimated now.
OP posts:
Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:37

We have fencing up, the highest we could get but the way the gardens are they can still see in (raised).

I appreciate it's my right to enjoy my garden but when I'm talking gangs of men hanging around smoking weed, shouting and who have already given me abuse before, it's not really very enjoyable being out there.

OP posts:
Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:38

You can put up trellis to heighten your fences. Fairly cheap and easy to do. They sell a load of fake greenery in B&M for winding over trellis ect. I'd get a load of that as well.

Smiling at them sweetly as you put it all up :)

Flowerclock · 28/05/2021 14:38

I'm wondering if you have bought my old house. The timings add up as well.

If you have, I suggest you do what my former landlord did and sell it at auction and hope for the best.

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:41

It doesn't help because I'm an anxious person anyway, I really don't like confrontation. I wish I could just be someone who thinks 'fuck it, it's my garden I'll go out there anyway' but I can't. I'd be nervous the whole time. And I don't really want DS playing around in a cloud of weed smoke either. It stinks. It gets into our kitchen too so I have to keep the door closed so it doesn't get into the rest of the house.

OP posts:
Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:42

@PorkAPoe

It's causing issues with me and DH too because I feel like I can't talk to him about it now because he just gets frustrated and asks me what I expect him to do about it.
Don't ask him what to do. Tell him you have a plan.

Sit down together when you're both calm and tell him it's seriously effecting you and you have decided to take action.

Ask him for input on estate agents ect. I'd afraid i'd be gently letting him know that moving with 12 months is going to happen and you need him onboard.

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:42

@Flowerclock

I'm wondering if you have bought my old house. The timings add up as well.

If you have, I suggest you do what my former landlord did and sell it at auction and hope for the best.

We didn't buy it at auction but sounds like you had a bad time too!
OP posts:
Misty84 · 28/05/2021 14:42

@PorkAPoe That sounds absolutely awful and really similar to my neighbours, they are just nasty intimidating people and the police have broken their front door down on 2 occasions. If we try and talk to them reasonably they shout and swear at us. It’s so awful and the worst part is I would feel horrendously guilty when/if we eventually manage to sell and subject the next set of innocent people to that when it’s made our lives hell 😔

Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:43

@PorkAPoe

It doesn't help because I'm an anxious person anyway, I really don't like confrontation. I wish I could just be someone who thinks 'fuck it, it's my garden I'll go out there anyway' but I can't. I'd be nervous the whole time. And I don't really want DS playing around in a cloud of weed smoke either. It stinks. It gets into our kitchen too so I have to keep the door closed so it doesn't get into the rest of the house.
Totally reasonable and i'd be the same.

Take action OP :)

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:43

Thank you @Laiste

OP posts:
Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:45

I think DH doesn't really get how bad it can be. He's at work all day and they are generally quieter in the evenings when they retreat back inside.

But in the day it's horrible.

OP posts:
thelegohooverer · 28/05/2021 14:46

Make a plan. List what needs doing and crack on with it, ticking it off as you do. Previous suggestions to sell in the winter/manage viewing times are good advice. Once you have a plan in place, it will ease the tension with your dh.

Getting jobs done quickly and efficiently is completely different to doing them for yourself as you won’t get held up by items being out of stock or delayed - you can just pick something else. You can probably save money too rather than investing in higher end stuff for longevity.

Let your dh know that sometimes you just need him to let you talk and not feel he has to fix it. Or at least I had to spell this out for my dh.

user1471538283 · 28/05/2021 14:47

How awful for you. There is nothing worse than having awful neighbours.

Could you afford to market it now with a reduction because it is not finished? The buyer might assume you have run out of money. Or if not get it finished as well as you can, maybe with a cheaper bathroom suite etc and put it on the market.

The trouble I found is that neighbours like this do not care and are not made to care by the authorities. Would the Housing Association do anything about it?