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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I fucking hate where we live and don't know what to do

269 replies

PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:03

I'm so upset, I fucking hate where we live.

We only bought the house in November and I just don't think moving now would be a possibility. There are jobs half done that we'd need to finish before selling which will take time to save up for.

I feel like crying every day.

It's because of our neighbours in the main. They are horrible and if I'd have seen them / heard them when we viewed I'd have not thought for a second about buying this house.

I'm terrified that we'll never get rid of the thing because of them.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 28/05/2021 14:47

You will get rid of it. Every house at the right price will sell.

Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:48

It sounds like you probably spend more time in the house than your DH.

That was the same when i pushed for leaving our first house. We'd lived there 8 years but only the last 2 were horrendous. I sort of dragged (what is now X) H along with me. He was NOT a proactive person (i discovered) so i took matters in my own hands with it all.

(It wasn't the move which split us up by the way, that was 6 years later)

Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:48

x post :)

TeacupDrama · 28/05/2021 14:49

it's old fashioned but net curtains for the kitchen they do some more modern patterns at dunhelm you might only need them to cafe height because they are light weight you can just use a special wire and cup hooks at either end could fix it in a couple of hours

Kokosrieksts · 28/05/2021 14:49

I don’t understand why are you worried you won’t sell because of the neighbors? You bought the house so why wouldn’t others. Don’t report them for noise or anything like that as otherwise you’ll have to tell the new buyer. Do the house up and move on. A lesson learned for next time not to start all it projects at the same time.

littlejalapeno · 28/05/2021 14:49

Oh I really feel for you! When our neighbour had their extension built they hired a group of chain smoking thugs who spent the whole summer staring in our house or at me if I was in the garden and constantly being loud and intimidating. I was pregnant and couldn’t escape the house, but it was not a safe feeling place. The neighbours didn’t want to put a temporary fence up because of cost (even though they’re loaded) and didn’t want to make things easier on us in any way. This kind of thing can really affect your mental health it might be worth talking to your go now to get some support. You’re going to have to claim your space somehow and hold that space. Make the garden you’re own. Buy some nice sun umbrellas and tall plants to block their boundary and view of you out. Grow nice smelling plants by your windows and doors- jasmine, honey suckle, vanilla clematis. Don’t let them think they can intimidate you. Approach the housing organisation and council but try to stay anonymous. Good luck, you can do it!

jasjas1973 · 28/05/2021 14:50

You bought it and so that means someone else will too.
BTL folk wont care about the neighbours.

Tart it up and sell on, lifes too short to fight these people and they will win.... i know from experience.

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:51

@Kokosrieksts

I don’t understand why are you worried you won’t sell because of the neighbors? You bought the house so why wouldn’t others. Don’t report them for noise or anything like that as otherwise you’ll have to tell the new buyer. Do the house up and move on. A lesson learned for next time not to start all it projects at the same time.
I know logically it will sell eventually. I'm worried it will take a while though. All it will take is for them to come out of their house for 5 minutes whilst a potential buyer is here and they'd be put right off I imagine.
OP posts:
Laiste · 28/05/2021 14:53

Yes, but another viewer on another day might not see or care.

PP is right, buy to let won't give a damn.

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:54

I know you're right. It just seems so insurmountable sometimes.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 28/05/2021 14:54

You said that they are quieter at night so you stipulate that all viewings are after 5pm? Would they be quiet then? Are they quieter in cooler weather?

I can second that BTL buyers will not care about neighbours. All they care about is where the property is so if you have a good location it should sell quickly.

BeastOfBODMAS · 28/05/2021 14:55

I second the idea of trellis and if you are green fingered, climbing/rambling roses in quantity. I think of mine like decorative barbed wire, makes the garden feel more secure!

BruteForce · 28/05/2021 14:55

No help for the OP but why aren't problem neighbours taken more seriously. This kind of stuff destroys lives.

I have to agree it makes life hell. I feel for you, OP. If it's any help your DH is probably as miserable as you but coping as most men do.

I'm disturbed by people saying you should sell with stealth (as you no doubt were sold - it's easier to move when renting and I suspect the old landlord sold after losing good tenants and maybe more than one set). However, I couldn't blame anyone for doing that as people who complain unfortunately get a poor outcome. IMO this is completely wrong and just hands a problem to someone else but there you go.

Make your plans to leave as soon as you can, take steps in the meantime to increase your privacy (might help with the sale, too), and try to think of a future free of scum neighbours. Maybe keep a notebook with your plans written in and leave it lying around for DH to read.

I do feel for the next people living there but if Karma's around she may bite your shit neighbours in the arse and give them neighbours who don't care about complaining and will make life miserable for them instead.

moofolk · 28/05/2021 14:55

@PorkAPoe

Winter and during the week is a good time to have viewings if you want to avoid your potential buyers seeing the neighbours hanging about outside ect

Thank you, I'll suggest that to DH.

This would lead to the OP doing to someone else what she didn't want done to her

Good luck OP. Try talking to the HA, but worth bearing in mind there is often a lot of anti-gentrification sentiment on HA / council estates so getting friendly with people and being seen as a real person in the community may help.

SunflowersAndLavender · 28/05/2021 14:56

Can you ask the housing association if they would like to buy if from you?

JustPootlingAlong · 28/05/2021 14:57

You have my sympathy OP.
I had similar problems with HA tenants in my last property and there was no way the previous people hadn't had issue with them. In fact, several neighbours confirmed that the old owner and the tenants butted heads regularly. They literally drove me and my husband to madness with screaming, slamming doors, using their front garden as a skip and loud music for 8 hours a day.
My advice would be, don't report anything to the council. Once you do, you will have to declare it on forms when selling. Just do the house up and sell it as quickly as possible. If people ask why you are moving so quickly, just say family circumstances have changed that require you to move. I know it is a shitty thing to do but your sanity has to come first!

misspattylacosta · 28/05/2021 14:58

and first of all, put some blinds in your kitchen! You should be able to have privacy inside at least.

Sunnidayz · 28/05/2021 14:59

If you sell to a property developer you don't need to do the questionnaire. I did that last year. Wish I'd moved years ago to be away from godawful upstairs neighbour but I felt trapped there. It's like another lifetime ago now, have never looked back.

Original poster
PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:59

In fact, several neighbours confirmed that the old owner and the tenants butted heads regularly

Yes several people on the street have told us how disliked they are by everyone closeby so I imagine it was an issue for the old tenant. The lady next to them on the other side hates them too. She is also trying to move.

OP posts:
BruteForce · 28/05/2021 15:04

@PorkAPoe

In fact, several neighbours confirmed that the old owner and the tenants butted heads regularly

Yes several people on the street have told us how disliked they are by everyone closeby so I imagine it was an issue for the old tenant. The lady next to them on the other side hates them too. She is also trying to move.

If there's more than one complaint the HA may be more likely to get involved.

Could you ask any neighbours in the street that aren't going to move to make a complaint? They're all probably affected indirectly. If they think you may be selling to the HA they may not want to risk any more people like that in the street.

The people in charge of the HA should be forced to spend a few weeks living next to their bad tenants.

Unsure33 · 28/05/2021 15:13

I really feel for you. I was going to suggest trellis and fast growing honey suckle as well .And I agree you are between a rock and a hard place because if you report them you have to declare when you move . Anonymous report suggesting police drop in some time ? Drugs ? Possible theft ?

harriethoyle · 28/05/2021 15:17

Don't formalise any complaints if you want to sell - I have a feeling that the wording of the house sellers form is that you have to report any disputes ie rows, not neighbours that you loathe.

Notavegan · 28/05/2021 15:18

My neighbours got a written warming from the housing association and the dog also vanished.. they were not supposed to have it. I dealt with the anti social behaviour officer and the police got involved too.

notagainohno · 28/05/2021 15:20

I would be tempted not to do any jobs and put it up at auction as a doer upper (you can set your reserve).

Squeejit · 28/05/2021 15:24

The housing market is really buoyant at the moment. Houses are selling like hot cakes. If I was you I’d speak to an estate agent and see if you can cut your losses. You may not even lose out financially as in many areas, house prices have shot up.
This isn’t the house for you in these circumstances but it may well sell to someone in different circumstances who will be less affected.

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