Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I fucking hate where we live and don't know what to do

269 replies

PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:03

I'm so upset, I fucking hate where we live.

We only bought the house in November and I just don't think moving now would be a possibility. There are jobs half done that we'd need to finish before selling which will take time to save up for.

I feel like crying every day.

It's because of our neighbours in the main. They are horrible and if I'd have seen them / heard them when we viewed I'd have not thought for a second about buying this house.

I'm terrified that we'll never get rid of the thing because of them.

OP posts:
tttigress · 28/05/2021 18:47

@PorkAPoe

It's causing issues with me and DH too because I feel like I can't talk to him about it now because he just gets frustrated and asks me what I expect him to do about it.
Why don't you sit down with him calmly and agree a plan of action including a timetable for the work and a date when you will put the house on the market?
Overdon · 28/05/2021 18:57

I know someone who was in similar situation to you, he got rid of his house by part exchanging for a new build.

From my own experience HA didn’t enforce to anti social behaviour rules, even when their own staff were threatened by our vile neighbour! I left HA to rent privately in the end.

RaeRaeMama · 28/05/2021 18:57

Sorry if this has already been suggested I've not read through the whole thread

Have you gone on to land registry to check if they own the property?

If they don't, can't you ask around and find out who the landlord is? You might be able to have a quiet word with them about the cannabis etc you may be able to get rid of them

HaveringWavering · 28/05/2021 19:01

Why do people not read all the OP’s posts at least? You can click on “see all” in a fraction of the time it takes you to type “sorry I haven’t RTFT”…

CofeeTof · 28/05/2021 19:02

@Laiste

Just sit tight OP. Once you've got a long term plan to escape you'll feel better.

I had hell with a neighbour in my first house and it nearly drove me insane. So i know how you feel OP.

The first morning in my new home, still laying in bed, i actually cried with relief to be away from them. I'll never forget it!

I had virtually the same experience as this. It was so incredibly stressful, I feel your pain OP. The above advise is really good, bide your time, get your ducks in a row, and whatever you do don't get into a dispute with them. The first morning waking up in my new house was literally blissful- I'll never forget that morning when I woke up and all I could hear was the birds and not my old neighbours. I could have cried too...
Roselilly36 · 28/05/2021 19:06

I definitely wouldn’t report anything, as you would need to declare this if you decide to fix up & sell. Can’t you just ignore them? To be honest it doesn’t sound too bad to me, but I know I don’t have to live next to them and if it’s upsetting you, perhaps think of ways to make things better for you to live there, as you can’t change their behaviour sadly.

DavidTheDog · 28/05/2021 19:09

I haven’t RTFT but I’m going to ask something that has already been asked, and clearly answered by the OP

MrsWombat · 28/05/2021 19:30

How old is the child, and do you know what school/nursery they go to, as you can report the cannabis smoking and chaotic homelife as a safeguarding concern?

Visionoffspring · 28/05/2021 19:48

Don’t engage with the neighbours and don’t complain. Just focus on getting out of there and the positives of that.

Nothing will be done, it’s not that services don’t want to but there are so so many people like your neighbours it’s nigh on impossible. Any reports will bring problems back to you. It sounds v minimal for SS to care. They probably won’t even visit. It’s not fair and it’s not right but that’s our benefits and housing system for you.

I think part exchange for a new build is a good idea. Or just throw everything into flipping it. And next time check where the social housing is and do a bit more research. walk round in the evening, check local crime reports, look at local playground who’s in there etc. Sorry it’s shit for you but you can do it! Throw yourself at your refurb, diy and focus on how you can do it with a small budget. Then sell and get the hell out of there.

TheRebelle · 28/05/2021 19:51

Op you could be me, we moved in November, smelled weed from next door the minute we walked in and found drugs in our garden so called the police, a week later all four tyres were slashed while our car was on our driveway.

We then found loads of stuff wrong with the house that the previous owners had deliberately hidden so all the money we had to spend on redecorating has gone on making the house safe.

I know exactly how you feel, I just want out. I’ve seen a new housing development being built nearby and I’m seriously considering part exchange so we don’t have to worry about selling it on, but it will mean more solicitors fees, stamp duty and probably a bigger mortgage.

Is it too much to ask not to have the smell of weed coming in through my windows and to be able to use my garden?

Kissthepastrychef · 28/05/2021 20:04

This thread certainly demonstrates why you really need to do your homework on the house you're buying - by checking the area out at various times of the day and night several times before you commit to buying it. Sitting outside in the car and seeing what goes on

We invest sooooo much money, heartache and time into our houses it always amazes me people have a look round once and that's it

Kissthepastrychef · 28/05/2021 20:10

don't report them anonymously to the police for drugs, unless you have evidence, can't believe people think we can afford policing to that extent.
Plus we don't actually go and knock on doors just because an anonymous caller says they have drugs in there. It takes a lot of good quality evidence to get the correct warrants. Not just a single strand intel report from anon source.

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 28/05/2021 20:12

I'm in the same boat op, it makes me miserable everyday

Kissthepastrychef · 28/05/2021 20:15

@EarthSight I don't think some of the people posting here understand just how little a lot of these people care. Lots couldn't give a fuck about their neighbours and a good percentage seek to actively make their lives hell as they have nothing better to do with their time and few morals or standards of behaviour.
Lots of people are just vile, horrible individuals and see niceness as weakness. I'm not surprised the op doesn't want to rock the boat

junipertree2 · 28/05/2021 20:26

They have a kid in the middle of all that?! Oh that's absolutely shocking. Poor child.

girl71 · 28/05/2021 20:31

"look to sell - preferably in the winter as there is less likelihood they'll be sitting out in the garden and being noisy when there are viewings".

Hmm, young people , weed smokers and barking dogs tend to be garden users all yr round. They do not tend to be season specific.

Spring / summer sales are traditionally viewed as optimum times to sell , for natural home lighting and aesthetic ( garden / greenery/flora scent ) purposes.

Young garden weed smokers and neglected dogs , do not generally tend to be season specific. They also, as i found out 20 yrs ago, have little regard for their neighbours or their neighbours children, having to indirectly inhale that shit poison.

If yr neighbours have a child, they will smoke weed in and use their garden , all yr round, as will their dog/s. At least they are making some moderate attempt to protect their child from this toxin but the poor dog is another welfare issue.

Just get yr house ready and sell Op. Winter specific sale is not
relevant in my opinion, in fact detrimental and i say this as someone who has sold over 6 properties over a 24 yr period and purchased 7 . You are wiser now for next hse purchase and , additional due diligence checks. You need to visit a home and the area many many many times and at all different times of the day/week to understand. Especially if you will be living cheek by jowl with others. Do not rely on the homeowner to divulge or the solicitor to find.

dopeyduck · 28/05/2021 20:42

If neighbours are HA could you find out which and complain about them?

Would Make selling difficult as you'd have to declare the dispute but if you have to stay perhaps they could be helpful.

Overdon · 28/05/2021 20:48

Not sure if it would inflame the situation, but would a security camera over your rear garden deter them from the more extreme aspects of anti social behaviour? Doubt it would help with the dope smoking though. At the very least would provide evidence if you did choose to make a complaint/ or make them think twice about escalating their behaviour?
Really feel for you OP.

Kissthepastrychef · 28/05/2021 20:57

@TheRebelle I don't want to sound like I'm stereotyping but be careful with a new build; builders are obliged to include a certain percentage of social housing in their estates and as such you may find just as many issues if your plot is near to it. Clearly the vast majority of HA tenants are law abiding people but unfortunately you just don't know. There are several new estates in my area where the police are continuously attending the same addresses in the social housing

girl71 · 28/05/2021 21:07

"@Kissthepastrychef @EarthSight I don't think some of the people posting here understand just how little a lot of these people care. Lots couldn't give a fuck about their neighbours and a good percentage seek to actively make their lives hell as they have nothing better to do with their time and few morals or standards of behaviour.
Lots of people are just vile, horrible individuals and see niceness as weakness. I'm not surprised the op doesn't want to rock the boat"

This ⬆️.

TheRebelle · 28/05/2021 21:12

@Kissthepastrychef I know what you mean, our previous house was in between two HA houses, one side an amazing family who’s lived there for 20+ years and couldn’t been nicer and the other was a revolving door of weed smoking, door banging scumbags. When we were looking at this house we did all the right things, checked it at different times of day, checked crime reports, checked where the HA houses were, unfortunately we didn’t realise that although there’s no HA houses most of the street is privately rented.

Like the OP I’m on mat leave, and when I go back to work I’ll have sky high childcare costs so it’ll realistically be 3 years before we can afford to do anything anyway but I’m not doing the house up as I wanted, just doing basic decorating to make it presentable. I just feel so down, and we’ve left our car elsewhere so I haven’t got the use of it because we can’t afford to keep replacing the tyres and the police won’t/can’t do anything other than give us a crime number.

AlwaysLatte · 28/05/2021 21:19

Use your house and garden as you would like, but keep a diary, write it all down and every time they do something unsociable make sure it's logged with time and date. Also I would be getting cctv do anything untoward is recorded. Get enough to make an official complaint about them. It probably won't take many complaints. If they're intimidating other neighbours and openly using drugs there will be other complaints too.

Meruem · 28/05/2021 21:33

This thread certainly demonstrates why you really need to do your homework on the house you're buying

Absolutely this. I am in SH so I exchanged into my current place. We visited to look at it during the day. But also walked around on a couple of evenings and at a weekend. Fully checked out the local area, even the crime stats!

It saddens and angers me when people behave this way, it gives decent hardworking SH tenants a bad name as we all get lumped in together. Although I will say my problem neighbours have always been HMO’s. They’re so transient they really don’t give a shit. And the landlords don’t care as long as they’re getting their money.

I actually loosely knew someone who flipped out and stabbed their neighbour over constant noise. It’s an awful thing to happen but it does push people to the edge.

Summerfun54321 · 28/05/2021 21:39

We had neighbours like that when we moved into our place. They’d given the entire street hell over the 5 years they were there. Luckily for us, they moved out a couple of months later 😀. If they’ve told your DH they’re moving out, believe them. It might just be taking a while for them to be housed somewhere else.

BruteForce · 28/05/2021 21:41

It's clear that the OP isn't the only one suffering with bad neighbours. But what to do?

If someone starts a petition asking for neighbour complaints to be taken seriously and acted upon quickly, I'll be the first to sign.

My mental health was seriously affected when I lived next door that made my life hell. It took me years to recover and I still live in fear of ending up next to people like that again.

Good luck, OP. And everyone else in a similar situation.