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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking?

333 replies

PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 10:53

We have had our nanny for a month. She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.
She has been very accommodating, kids love her and been flexible. However, now the eldest has got into another school and it makes more sense to put her in the breakfast club. If the other kids get into the same school, we will do the same and put them into the club. DP told the kids this with nanny present this morning. Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out. She's meant to be back this afternoon. She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming. What am I meant to do now? I feel really shaken up.

OP posts:
YouShouldLeave · 27/05/2021 10:55

I think nanny has more right to be shaken up than you.

Strange pist.

YouShouldLeave · 27/05/2021 10:55

*post

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 27/05/2021 10:55

Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out.

She isn't wrong.

Babbly · 27/05/2021 10:56

When you say that she "stormed out", was she supposed to be leaving and just did it abruptly or did she walk out of her job?
She does have a point, it sounds like you've only just hired her and messed her around in the process (and she was very accommodating) and now you're planning to get rid of her (through no fault of her own) and didn't even tell her in an appropriate way. I can see why she's annoyed - I would be.
Not sure why you're shaken up - it doesn't even sound like you were there?!

Bloodypunkrockers · 27/05/2021 10:56

Poor nanny

So your DP basically gave her her notice in front of the children. If so, that's really shitty

Why are you shaking though?

Littlescottiedog · 27/05/2021 10:57

So you hired the nanny but she had to wait to start, she's only been with you a month, then all the while you've been trying to get your kids into a different school where the nanny won't be required and you tell the kids that essentially the nanny won't be needed when they're both in their new school IN FRONT OF THE NANNY without talking to her first?

YAB massively unreasonable.

confettiballoons · 27/05/2021 10:57

Blimey, yes I’m sorry but I agree with her. She’s worked for you a month and unless I’m missing something you have basically told her that you’ve changed your plans and she’s losing her job but you didn’t even do that privately? I think you apologise massively profusely for a) the fact that a month after she’s started you’re changing your plans so she loses her job and b) being so insensitive about communicating that. And if you can, pay her extra notice as a sorry.

PaperbackRider · 27/05/2021 10:57

This reply has been deleted

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Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 10:57

Why would he do that? What’s wrong with him?

Bloodypunkrockers · 27/05/2021 10:58

Oh and you have to be crying too

It's shaking AND crying on Mumsnet Grin

ticktockriojaoclock · 27/05/2021 10:58

Yabu to be shaking. Try and find a way to calm down so you can talk with her rationally and not emotionally. She's probably understandably put out at the lack of communication on your/husband's part. You all just need to communicate.

SnoopsCaliforniaRoll · 27/05/2021 10:58

She is not in the wrong here. Your DH handled this very poorly.

SnoopsCaliforniaRoll · 27/05/2021 10:58

Sorry - DP, not DH. Very unprofessional and the nanny is very much the wronged party here.

Iworry2021 · 27/05/2021 10:59

Poor nanny.

I feel for her.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 10:59

Honestly I hope she doesn’t come back. What an appalling way to treat someone. The pair of you should be ashamed

TooMuchPaper · 27/05/2021 11:00

*Oh and you have to be crying too

It's shaking AND crying on Mumsnet*

Yes.

luckylavender · 27/05/2021 11:01

That's a terrible way to treat a Nanny

MoesBar · 27/05/2021 11:01

It’s her job at risk, not yours Hmm

Really insensitive and frankly stupid

Pinpointer · 27/05/2021 11:01

Horrible way to tell her her jobs not secure.

Original poster
PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 11:02

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely.
I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her.
I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway.
She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.

OP posts:
KatherineOfGaunt · 27/05/2021 11:02

You've effectively fired the nanny in front of the kids but you're talking to her TOMORROW and "she should have known"?

What a disgusting way to treat an employee. I hope you're shaking because you're ashamed.

Timper · 27/05/2021 11:02

Hope she finds a family who appreciates her. Shaking - get over yourself.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 11:03

Is your partner abusive in other ways? I can’t imagine why he deliberately told the kids in front of the nanny, other than to be cunty.

edwinbear · 27/05/2021 11:03

Your DH is a very rude man. I hope she founds another job very quickly.

ThisIsMeOrIsIt · 27/05/2021 11:04

Any reason you couldn't have spoken to her first? You know, like an adult and an employer? Shitty way for her to find out. No wonder she's angry.

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