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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking?

333 replies

PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 10:53

We have had our nanny for a month. She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.
She has been very accommodating, kids love her and been flexible. However, now the eldest has got into another school and it makes more sense to put her in the breakfast club. If the other kids get into the same school, we will do the same and put them into the club. DP told the kids this with nanny present this morning. Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out. She's meant to be back this afternoon. She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming. What am I meant to do now? I feel really shaken up.

OP posts:
commatose · 27/05/2021 11:19

when you say 'things were up in the air with us'... that means you knew this was a likely outcome, didn't you? No wonder she's pissed off.

Notonthestairs · 27/05/2021 11:19

She's not a babysitter. She's a nanny. You are her employer and have unilaterally changed her hours of employment. How would you feel if your employer reduced your hours/terms without any discussion or warning. She has bills to pay.

Very poor. I hope she's looking for a new job.

1Morewineplease · 27/05/2021 11:20

I'll repeat what hobnob asked... are you mum or granny?
Your two threads are confusing.

ThisIsMeOrIsIt · 27/05/2021 11:20

There's no way the OP will come back now. Especially if she's shaking at someone else getting fired when she wasn't even there! They won't have the guts to come back and admit they're wrong.

SoupDragon · 27/05/2021 11:21

You handled this incredibly badly! How could you possibly think it was OK to let her know like that?

idontlikealdi · 27/05/2021 11:21

I hope she quits. Today.

Mamette · 27/05/2021 11:21

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely

That might not suit her??
You can’t just make a unilateral decision.

peachgreen · 27/05/2021 11:21

Shameful. I share a nanny with friends and we will have a similar situation when our DDs start preschool in that we'll only need childcare for the afternoons. Only instead of telling her out of the blue in front of the kids, we explained to her when we interviewed her that we would continue paying her for a full day and would ask her to use the morning to prepare activities and meals for the afternoon and school holidays. Because we're not dicks and know that nannies need job security and stable hours as much as anyone else.

edwinbear · 27/05/2021 11:22

We haven't treated the nanny poorly. She will be told if she is no longer needed although she has probably guessed this is now the case

So in the end, your DH decided to announce this to the DC in front of her? Shock

Idontknowanymore05 · 27/05/2021 11:22

Surely you can see why she's angry?
Your husband should've been adult enough to discuss this all with Nanny without the kids there.
Its uncool.

MaMaD1990 · 27/05/2021 11:22

This has got to be a wind up. Why are you shaken? Literally nothing has happened to you. It's entirely reasonable for the nanny to pissed about this - why did your husband feel the need to drop this in front of the kids before speaking with her privately? Surely you can see that is NOT treating someone kindly? You both sound like twatty employers and you shouldn't be surprised if the nanny leaves you in the shit with no childcare as a result. Quite frankly, you'd both deserve it.

Lagomtransplant · 27/05/2021 11:23

I feel utter sympathy for your nanny, having to work with a pair of totally self-centred people like you. Be ashamed of your lack of consideration for others and go do something about THAT.

VimFuego101 · 27/05/2021 11:23

You and your husband were unprofessional to say the least. You should have discussed this with her in private.

katy1213 · 27/05/2021 11:23

Of course you're shaken up! Clearly, Nanny doesn't know her station in life. You are suffering from PTSD and will need counselling if her selfish behaviour results in cancelled lunch dates or gym appointments.

Cam2020 · 27/05/2021 11:23

And seriously, why are you 'shaky'? It doesn't even sound like you were there!

Sally872 · 27/05/2021 11:24

Imagine your employer on the phone to his family talking about how your hours are changing. So unprofessional and very unkind if DP.

Also shows extreme lack of empathy that you expect she "must have known" as you have a meeting tomorrow.

No wonder nanny is angry. I can't understand why you are shaky about it though. You weren't even there. Feeling guilty, embarrassed or angry at dp for being so thoughtless would be reasonable.

HOkieCOkie · 27/05/2021 11:24

So you hired a nanny and then made her wait to start and now you’ve cut her hours before she’s even began. Are you shaking because your embarrassed at treating someone this way? Do you think we nannies don’t need to eat or pay bills? That we can just jump and do your bidding at your will?

AllOptionsAreOnTheTable · 27/05/2021 11:24

Well a few weeks ago, apparently you were worried that one of your grandchildren wasn't gelling with the nanny, and the nanny was only a temporary arrangement for them whilst their mother was ill. I'm confused.

AngelicaElizaAndPeggy · 27/05/2021 11:25

So, you've basically announced to your children that's she's to be effectively sacked while she's sat all there all Mary Poppins, having to keep a game face. And now you're shaking?

Have you asked her if she's shaking?

There must be much shaking going on. Poor nanny.

JediGnot · 27/05/2021 11:25

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.
"We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely."

That's pretty damn irrelevant unless you're planning on keeping the wages the same!

Totallyrandomname · 27/05/2021 11:25

Having recieved an overwhelming response telling you the situation was handled badly by you and your husband, hopefully you accept that.

I would contact her to apologise. Maybe speak to your husband and how you manage future childcare in a way that is fair to the people you are employing.

To be honest it comes across like you are fairly privileged and don’t have any concept of how important jobs/financial security are to some people.

Giantrooster · 27/05/2021 11:26

I really hope your employers will treat you the same way, then you'll have something to shake about.

She has been accommodating, it's her livelihood ffs.

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2021 11:26

She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.

She has every right to be angry, she ought to be shaky too. She is probably wondering how she is going to meet her bills, having been given notice in front of the children she has been consistently caring for.
Just what was your DH thinking OP? Appalling enough behaviour professionally, but for your own children to be witness to such gross conduct towards anybody, I am just stunned.

Huge apology is due to your poor Nanny -I sincerely hope you've primed your DH to do so, I would be livid with him for behaving in such a way.

Also an explanation to your children, who should never be informed of significant life changes in this manner-just beggars belief.

From the very off your family has mistreated this poor woman, you are surely not expecting he to now accept after school hours as if you're doing her some kind of favour? You have messed her about and now insulted her too, this is baffling...

SinkGirl · 27/05/2021 11:27

So at best, after dicking her about for however long, you’re planning to slash her hours to after school only, and you didn’t even have the decency to tell her this privately? What was your husband thinking?

If I were her I wouldn’t be back. I bet she has turned down other work to take this job, and you don’t seem to have a single thought for her. You’ve treated her appallingly and I hope she doesn’t come back. Even worse that you’ve said she’s great at her job!

Laburnam · 27/05/2021 11:27

Wow just wow!