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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shaking?

333 replies

PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 10:53

We have had our nanny for a month. She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.
She has been very accommodating, kids love her and been flexible. However, now the eldest has got into another school and it makes more sense to put her in the breakfast club. If the other kids get into the same school, we will do the same and put them into the club. DP told the kids this with nanny present this morning. Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out. She's meant to be back this afternoon. She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming. What am I meant to do now? I feel really shaken up.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 11:04

I don't think she has been poorly treated

You can’t be serious??

TooMuchPaper · 27/05/2021 11:04

I don't think she has been poorly treated

Really? You don't think your dp telling her in front of the children that her terms and conditions may change was not poor treatment?
Hopefully she will get another job where she is treated properly.

ElevenSmiles · 27/05/2021 11:04

Hope she tells you to piss off.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/05/2021 11:04

Why on earth are you feeling shakey? You’ve treated her awfully!

Cadburyflakeicecream · 27/05/2021 11:05

You’ve treated her very badly indeed.

FreezeMotherHubbard · 27/05/2021 11:05

I don't think she has been poorly treated.

Despite an almost 100% YABU and a thread virtually all telling you otherwise including details as to why...

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 27/05/2021 11:05

I wonder what opportunities might have passed her by while you dicked her around for weeks and then basically gave her notice in front of the children after a month? There should be a blacklist for people like you.

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 11:05

Oh get over yourself!

Or maybe post criticising your rude as fuck husband, not the nanny?

What do you do now?

Apologise to her for the startling rudeness
Tell him to apologise to her
Tell him to sort it the fuck out
Stop looking here for sympathy for your childcare issues and “shakes” 🤷🏻‍♀️

edwinbear · 27/05/2021 11:05

You have treated her appallingly OP, you messed her about with her start, now you may (or may not) want her on limited hours, when she presumably needs full time work, but still can't actually let her know what your plans are? Can you really not see how badly she is being treated?

Babbly · 27/05/2021 11:06

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.

Why did you hire her if you were intending to change her hours? Why weren't you honest with her? How would you feel if it was the other way around? How would you actually feel if you hired someone and were accommodating, if they delayed starting and you made it work, then they've just started and they tell you "oh, by the way, I'm changing my hours, I can't do mornings now". And then it transpires that they knew the whole time that they were planning on not being able to do mornings anymore and just chose not to mention it? And then, to make it worse, instead of actually telling you, you found out from overhearing them telling someone else? You can't really be this dense.

timeisnotaline · 27/05/2021 11:06

I don't think she has been poorly treated.
Are you spectacularly wrong about absolutely everything or just this event? Because it would be hard for you to be more wrong here. Kudos to nanny for being able to say this is not ok. I hope she quits on you.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 27/05/2021 11:07

She really has been prooly treated, she was really accommodating and all the while you've been looking at options to limit her hours, then your dp told the kids in front of her, and you are blaming her for not being psychic and knowing what your meeting tomorrow is about. Its ok though you're just limiting her hours, not sacking her (after only a month)

And you're shaking because she is angry. You cannot be that self involved, surely.

Palavah · 27/05/2021 11:07

She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey

Why? Surely you should have seen that coming.

Ponoka7 · 27/05/2021 11:07

"We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely."

If those yours aren't enough for her, then you've effectively given her notice, in front of the children.

You've treated her very badly. I don't understand why your DH thought that his behaviour was appropriate, does he have no respect for her, because she earns less, or does 'women's work'?

How would you like to be told that your job was coming to an end in such a way? Any possible job changes should have been done well in advance and in private.

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 11:07

When you say she waited a good few weeks to start, is that:

A. You clearly told her the start date was x weeks away and she chose to wait

B. You weren’t sure on start date, but paid a mutually agreed retainer

C. You dicked her about all over the place, unpaid, postponing or being vague about start date?

ZaraW · 27/05/2021 11:08

I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway.
She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.

YABVU.

Your husband handled the situation really badly. It's someone's livelihood and assuming she's taking a drop in pay?

If you had dealt with the situation in a better way you wouldn't feel like this. Hopefully she can find employment with a decent family.

Ponoka7 · 27/05/2021 11:08

"if those hours''

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 27/05/2021 11:08

“Shaking” dear God 🙄

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 27/05/2021 11:08

So after one month in a new job, her employers announced in front of her (not to her and not privately) that they had changed their minds, something cheaper had popped up, and the job no longer existed. Id feel shakey if Id behaved like that towards someone else too. Hope she takes you to employment tribunal.

GelfBride · 27/05/2021 11:09

So even if you are not letting her go, you are reducing her hours and thus her income and you are making it all about you.

Have a word with yourself. She now has to look for another job.

DancesWithTortoises · 27/05/2021 11:09

I hope she quits altogether and finds people who will appreciate her. You and your DH have behaved appallingly.

Such bad manners.

Ratatattatpat · 27/05/2021 11:10

I hope she doesn't return. How awful of you! I hope she didn't leave an existing job or turn down other work to work for you.

If this actually happened.

sprinkleyumnut · 27/05/2021 11:10

I'm not sure why you don't feel what you are doing is wrong. You have lead this poor woman on. Why would you give her the job and then change it all giving her less hours. I'm pretty sure you can't just do that. You have to talk with her before all this and see if she accepts or doesn't accept and privately. You don't just spring this on her. I get life happens but this sort of thing doesn't just happen. I hope she quits.

PhillipPhillop · 27/05/2021 11:11

You're only shaking because you might not have childcare today.

Iquitit · 27/05/2021 11:11

You've treated her very badly and now because you are going to have to deal with the fall out from that, you're all shaky?

Grow up.

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