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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shaking?

333 replies

PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 10:53

We have had our nanny for a month. She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.
She has been very accommodating, kids love her and been flexible. However, now the eldest has got into another school and it makes more sense to put her in the breakfast club. If the other kids get into the same school, we will do the same and put them into the club. DP told the kids this with nanny present this morning. Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out. She's meant to be back this afternoon. She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming. What am I meant to do now? I feel really shaken up.

OP posts:

VeganCheesePlease · 27/05/2021 11:27

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.

I disagree. You HAVE poorly treated her. That's like your manager having a team meeting and basically telling everyone before telling you and with you present that your job may not be secure. Surely you can understand why she's upset. If there was going to be limited hours offered this should have been discussed as adults in private, at the end of a work day so she can go home, process it and have the chance to decide if she wants to stay or look for alternative work. She has every right to be pissed off with you both.

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 11:27

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/a4237570-What-to-do-here?msgid=107108095#107108095

There’s a third thread which is interesting too.

you took her on under false pretences, you say here that you only wanted temporary but took her on as permanent. So, you lied about the job.

your 8yo was a spoiled pain in the arse complaining about nasty nanny expecting her to tidy up and carry her small school bag, and you said that the nanny didn’t “gel”

Yet today - because you want sympathy - you’re playing the “oh we all like her” card, because it makes you sound better when you’re pushing the blame for YOUR shitty behaviour onto the nanny.

Of course it was your husband not you who was the total arsehole to her this morning, but looking at your two other posts, your attitude is clear too.

Wheretobuy · 27/05/2021 11:28

I hope she finds better employers than you.

DrSbaitso · 27/05/2021 11:28

I have a friend who's a nanny and she says she's always being treated as if her job isn't really official paid employment and she doesn't have the same rights as an office employee.

Shake all you like, it doesn't put you guys in the right. How can it be ok to treat her like this, but you are overwhelmed when she gets angry about it?

PlanetOfTheApesLives · 27/05/2021 11:28

So she has been with you only 1 month yet already the husband tells her reduced hours in front of children.... then you 'might' need her after school and other children may well follow to after school club.

Did she leave another position to join you?

I'm with the nanny appreciation society. Stop shaking and realise you haven't treated her nice and your DP is a dick.

VainAbigail · 27/05/2021 11:29

I (along with others) need to know if you are mum or gran.

Sirzy · 27/05/2021 11:29

So you kept her waiting for you and then a month in change things and tell her in front of the children? If she has any sense she will leave and never come back

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 27/05/2021 11:30

You cannot “spin” this right. You have treated your nanny appallingly.

MoesBar · 27/05/2021 11:30

I hope she doesn’t come back

Giantrooster · 27/05/2021 11:30

@VainAbigail

I (along with others) need to know if you are mum or gran.

Probably both .

espressoontap · 27/05/2021 11:30

Unbelievable. Good on her for taking him to the side.

pickingdaisies · 27/05/2021 11:31

FFS

VettiyaIruken · 27/05/2021 11:31

Yabu.
How unprofessional to spring this on her in front of the children!
You and your husband have behaved terribly.

edwinbear · 27/05/2021 11:31

When asked she said she doesn't like that the nanny makes her tidy up after herself and carry her own school bags

Sounds like she is as entitled and rude as her grandmother TBH.

Timper · 27/05/2021 11:32

Come back and tell us how she’s been gaslighting you and how you feel triggered by her too.

TrifleCat · 27/05/2021 11:32

You shouldn’t be employing people if you can’t behave like a professional.

You have acted very badly and the Nanny has every right to be angry with you.

PlanetOfTheApesLives · 27/05/2021 11:32

Having read a bit of the other thread it appears the eldest child is becoming a dick also....

So why does the nanny not have rights and consideration applied to her.... what makes you so special OP

You, your husband/partner and the eldest child (scowling at her because she has to tidy up after herself...does she think the servant should do that for her then?) are all not behaving well and don't look too great in these threads

IWantChocolates · 27/05/2021 11:32

OP won't be back and this thread will be deleted for being outing no doubt.

Triffid1 · 27/05/2021 11:32

YABU. And behaving appallingly. Sadly, not that unusual. Our old nanny had something quite similar happen where the parents didn't bother to tell her that'd decided to send the DC to nursery and then just sort of dropped it casually into conversation one day.

PlanetOfTheApesLives · 27/05/2021 11:33

@edwinbear

When asked she said she doesn't like that the nanny makes her tidy up after herself and carry her own school bags

Sounds like she is as entitled and rude as her grandmother TBH.

I know. Is this some sort of joke - the entitled child needs nanny to carry her school bag! Yet the OP is 'shaking'

Hearthesounds · 27/05/2021 11:33

Unbelievable....! I hope she finds secure employment soon.

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 27/05/2021 11:34

OP- you’re ridiculous.

Good riddance to you, and good luck to your nanny to find a better employer

EssentialHummus · 27/05/2021 11:34

Wow. Imagine you interview for a role, are told you’ve gotten the job but that the start date is in a month. You’re relieved, stop job hunting, wait that month out. Then a month later in a team meeting you’re told in passing that your hours will soon be cut by 50%, effective immediately.

nimbuscloud · 27/05/2021 11:35

This has to be made up

starfishmummy · 27/05/2021 11:35

I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway.

Well you wouldn't would you. Sounds like you have messed her around from the start

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