Being asked to pay for elderly parent’s house repairs

[Noname1234567890]

My widowed MIL is in her mid 80’s, she is still living in the family home she has owned for around 50yrs and doesn’t wish to move. Out of the blue she has emailed my DH and his 2 siblings saying the house needs extensive repairs such as roof, central heating, repairs to outbuildings etc. She has got a quote for rendering for £10,000.

She has asked that all siblings contribute to the repairs as the house is their inheritance and obviously will be worth less if in disrepair, we have a small amount of savings but these repairs could wipe those out but obviously don’t want MIL living in deteriorating home conditions, she is still fit and active and is likely to be around for a long time yet.

Just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation?

We’re doing everything we can too keep both our parents houses in good state of repair. Not to protect our inheritances - we haven’t a clue who they’re leaving things to and that’s their business - but we simply couldn’t bare to leave our parents in a house that was in a bad state.

Mind you, this doesn’t include fixing the roof, it’s £50 here and there; and more giving our time than anything else.

It might be better for her to move? The house won’t necessarily be her children’s inheritance; she could easily need several years of expensive nursing care and it might need to be sold to find this. Your savings should not be sunk into her house, as you risk losing them in this scenario.

She needs to get three quotes for the work. Someone may be trying a fast one.

Does mil have an income? Can she afford to pay?

Is it time for her to look at sheltered housing? It’s likely any inheritance will be effected by care home fees at some point.

How do your siblings feel about things?

Are you happy to give your savings. It might end up being a gift rather then an investment

Unless you’re very comfortably off, you shouldn’t be paying for these repairs. Does your mil definitely have no savings? If she doesn’t, it sounds as if she needs to move. It is unfair for her to live beyond her means and expect her children to bail her out.

The only way I would potentially agree to this is if I were put on the deeds. Otherwise you’re giving her money, which could be all eaten up. Or she may decide to change her will. No one is guaranteed an inheritance.

If you don't have the money you don't have it. That's a lot of repairs and seems unfair to ask that of you. She needs to move if she can't afford the upkeep. This could go on for very long time, the expectation that you maintain the house. What if your house needs repairs?!

It sounds as if maybe someone has targeted her to scam her to be honest. Does anyone have power of attorney? If you can't afford it then you will need to discuss it with the rest of the family. Is there anyone who would be in a position to help more easily? Maybe suggest that they put in the money for a ring fenced amount on the deeds. Try also to help her distinguish between essential (roof) and less essential work.

Who told her this work needs to be done? How many quotes has she had? There are so many scams involving 'repairs - you need far more detail.

If paying this would clean out your savings then you can't afford it - you have no idea what's round the corner, redundancy, repairs to your own home, and as previous posters have pointed out, your mil may need to sell her house to pay for care.

I agree with PPs. It sounds like you can’t actually afford to help her without leaving yourself in a vulnerable position.

Why can’t she pay? If she’s can’t afford to maintain her home perhaps she needs to downsize.

Is she being scammed?

One hears dreadful tales of criminals who scare householders with tales of need for extensive repairs, when all they need is very minor work if anything.

You really need to start by finding out who told her the work was needed, and establishing who has quoted for it.

I agree she needs additional quotes.

But no, I wouldn’t empty my savings for this.

I don’t think she is being scammed, the house has wooden windows which need attention, the outbuildings haven’t had any attention since FIL died nearly 20 yrs ago.

The house was built by FIL so there is a strong emotional attachment to it, MIL definitely wouldn’t consider sheltered housing, she is still very active and independent, at the moment I can see her out living us!

You are all right though, if we use our savings on her house it leaves us in a vulnerable position, I don’t think any of DH siblings are sitting on pots of money either.

Is rendering resurfacing the outside - does teh whole house need done - 10,000 is a suspiciously high and suspiciously round number.

If that is the rendering bill goodness knows what the total will be if she is putting in central heating, plumbing, fixing outbuildings and roof!!!!!

Unless there is water getting in I would do nothing, just buy her a plug in electric fire. You don't need all new central heating throughout for one person. Anyway it might be sold for care home fees so no benefit to you or siblings.

Does she live close to you ? Would it be possible to go round and check the condition of the house ? Did she instigate getting quotes for repairs or did a helpful tradesperson tell her she needed this work ? The new roof scam is a well known one.

If you're going to pay for it, make sure you get the quotes from reputable tradespeople.

Have you been to look at the situation to see what it’s like? If she’s living on her own it might be a bit overwhelming to be told you need expensive work doing. She may be being targeted or someone is trying it on with her. I know my FIL was ripped off horribly by workmen for a new bathroom but he would have been too proud to have asked for an opinion or advice prior to giving them the go ahead. I think your DH and his siblings need to visit and take a look. It may be that some jobs can wait ( like the outbuildings ) but other jobs might be essential like the rendering. It may be possible to find more cost effective tradesmen. Sounds like the house is pretty big and although she may not want to downsize a smaller property might suit her better.

BTW friend's DF got a loan on the value of his house for repairs etc. When DF passed away at a ripe old age the loan, due to compound interest, was more than the value of the house. The Lenders 'kindly' let friend off paying loan but they had 5 days to clear the house.

Probably best she downsizes.

Agree that downsizing is the best option but it would be challenging to persuade her. Think the siblings need to talk first and present a united front on this, whatever you decide to do.

If she is mortgage free, would equity release be an option for her ? I know its something she would need to investigate thoroughly as I think it can effect things like benefits in the future. If she spends the money on essential repairs, ( ensuring the property is water tight and heating and hot water are essential ) it would be worth keeping all the receipts etc for the future to prove this is what the money was spent on.

And yes to getting a few quotes.

Tricky. Could your MIL rent out rooms, or the outbuildings or parking, to raise some money? Presumably she has some income? What order should the works be done in?

I would say the only way you should consider investing in the house is if she signs it over to you and other siblings. Otherwise there are no guarantees about what will happen when she gets infirm or dies. There are so many scenarios that could well leave you out of pocket. It’s a massive recipe for family conflict tbh.

Try NEST they install central heating systems for free if you are on a low income/benefits- even if you have savings.
Why does she need repairs to outbuildings? If they are unsafe hire a handy man to take them down.
Rendering?

Doesn’t she have house insurance to claim on? What’s happened to her roof?
I’d make sure you get someone to provide you with a few quotes, ensure this work really needs doing.

@Holly60

I would say the only way you should consider investing in the house is if she signs it over to you and other siblings. Otherwise there are no guarantees about what will happen when she gets infirm or dies. There are so many scenarios that could well leave you out of pocket. It’s a massive recipe for family conflict tbh.

^ also this! At her age it could be difficult to do it too.

It's sad that she can't bear the thought of moving as she will probably have to eventually when life just becomes too difficult there on her own. Do you know how she sees the future panning out and is it a conversation her children could have with her? It might help her to see that keeping the house going is a bottomless pit that none of you can afford. If this conversation isn't possible, her children need to visit and list these repairs in order of safety/importance and work out how those at the top of the list can be paid for. To the poster who said 'why can't she pay?', the answer is too obvious to even mention. She's asked for financial help but if none of you can afford it then you need to talk alternatives. Please don't use your savings safety net.

If she cannot afford the repairs and does not want to move then an equity release scheme might be the best option.