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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being asked to pay for elderly parent’s house repairs

178 replies

Noname1234567890 · 27/05/2021 05:54

My widowed MIL is in her mid 80’s, she is still living in the family home she has owned for around 50yrs and doesn’t wish to move. Out of the blue she has emailed my DH and his 2 siblings saying the house needs extensive repairs such as roof, central heating, repairs to outbuildings etc. She has got a quote for rendering for £10,000.

She has asked that all siblings contribute to the repairs as the house is their inheritance and obviously will be worth less if in disrepair, we have a small amount of savings but these repairs could wipe those out but obviously don’t want MIL living in deteriorating home conditions, she is still fit and active and is likely to be around for a long time yet.

Just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation?

OP posts:
starpatch · 27/05/2021 07:09

Local authorities will give a loan for essential repairs to home owners who are living at benefits level, to be paid back on sale of the house.

Cherrysoup · 27/05/2021 07:11

Downsize
Equity release

Multiple quotes and see what the absolute essentials are. Outbuildings can be removed.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 27/05/2021 07:13

Firstly has she got a decent will
Seems unfair to ask for money without knowing the will

Secondly how essential are repairs

Roof and heating yes
Outbuilding no

Also what’s the best quote possible for just the essentials
I’m sure she can get better than £10K

Ultimately this depends on the relationship , trust and savings everyone has

A discussion is needed

AuntieStella · 27/05/2021 07:17

If she signed the house over, can she afford to pay full market rent?

You need proper financial and legal advice on this, as the timing is likely to lead to investigation for deprivation of assets

As she emailed out of the blue, with a high, round number quotation for work she didn't know needed doing, then I think you are wrong to dismiss the possibility of a scam quite so readily

UpTheJunktion · 27/05/2021 07:20

Equity release is not as terrible as the bad old schemes.

Also does she have a ‘draw down’ type pension or an annuity ? She might be able to afford to use some of her pension pot.

AuntieStella · 27/05/2021 07:37

She's in her 80s and would have retired well before the time drawdowns were introduced.

Equity release may well be an option

But only after scammers have been definitely ruled out by actual checking, rather than gut reaction. Even if works are likely to be needed to the windows, that does not mean the other recommendations are in any way valid or that the price is in any way right.

Original poster
Noname1234567890 · 27/05/2021 07:43

Thanks everyone, it is helpful to get your views, I’m not sure about MIL finances, she never really worked herself after getting married, FIL was self employed so she is living off their pensions I guess.

I think a family zoom meeting is needed, I have seen a few cracks in the rendering so that does need looking at, the boiler is the original one installed so must be 50 years old but the house is warm so seems to be working but might not be efficient, and yes, proper quotes need to be sought to make sure she isn’t being targeted by scammers.

OP posts:
Summersnake · 27/05/2021 08:10

My mum ,had to sell her house to pay for her care in a rest home .if I’d of paid towards fixing her house ,I would not not of seen a penny back

Zzelda · 27/05/2021 08:17

You should get legal advice on her transferring the house to her children now, presumably on the basis that it's in a trust enabling her to continue living there. But I'm not sure whether even that will be enough to protect your interests if the house has to be sold if she goes into care.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 27/05/2021 08:44

My pil did equity release as they were asset rich, cash poor and didn't want to move.
It was sensible in their circs. Mainstream lenders are doing this now, and interest rates are low.

Chloemol · 27/05/2021 08:46

If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it

If she does t want to sell but wants the repairs doing perhaps she can release equity?

TwoAndAnOnion · 27/05/2021 08:48

@Summersnake

My mum ,had to sell her house to pay for her care in a rest home .if I’d of paid towards fixing her house ,I would not not of seen a penny back
You would have done if you had put a charge over the property .
jessycake · 27/05/2021 08:48

People in their mid 80s can go from fit and healthy to ill and dependent in a very short space of time . Sometimes in the space of a day if they have a stroke and you don't imagine it will happen and neither does she . So take some advice and see what you can do to make her comfortable , without risking too much of your own money .

TwoAndAnOnion · 27/05/2021 08:49

@SpiderinaWingMirror

My pil did equity release as they were asset rich, cash poor and didn't want to move. It was sensible in their circs. Mainstream lenders are doing this now, and interest rates are low.
I was just going to suggest an equity release. In some circumstances it's a wise move.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 27/05/2021 09:08

She needs to be told you cannot afford it, because you can't.

LittleOwl153 · 27/05/2021 09:21

Realistically for what she's looking at...

Rendering £10,000 as quoted
Boiler £4,000 maybe more given existing ones age
Windows £10,000+
Roof - £5,000+ who knows ! It sounds like a large property?

There's a £30,000 starting point - without considering the outbuildings. So unless you each have a spare £20,000 sitting around this is simply not feasible. She certainly shouldn't be expecting any of you to go into debt for this.

Have you/she looked at things like the warmfront grants? I'm not sure what's around now but there were grants around insulation/boilers/windows on the energy efficiency front. But beyond that she needs to finance herself however she can.

shivawn · 27/05/2021 09:30

Hmmm difficult situation. I do feel its very difficult for and 80 year old woman to up and move from her lifelong home especially when she's fully independent and self caring. Is it possible to prioritise and see which repairs are most urgent and maybe do a little at a time? Have you explained to MIL that you're under financial pressure yourself?

An0n0n0n · 27/05/2021 09:33

Equity release.

Or simple cant afford it but happy for you to move in while work is done or you downsize.

ShoutingBirb · 27/05/2021 09:34

Does she have sufficient savings to pay for it all?

Do the siblings even have this to give her if they wanted to?

How much is the property itself worth on the market in its current state?

looptheloopinahulahoop · 27/05/2021 09:35

I might agree to contribute to central heating and roofing, but not the outbuildings. If they're in disrepair, meh. They can be sorted when she eventually moves out or passes away.

Also, does it really all have to be done right away? If the roof is leaking, that should be the priority. But if it's just "nice to have" work I'd leave that for the moment, too.

If things need to be done on the central heating then it might also be that they don't all need doing right away.

oneglassandpuzzled · 27/05/2021 09:37

I wouldn't be contributing to the outbuilding repairs, that's for sure.

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 10:05

This is a common issue with elderly people living in homes they can no longer afford to maintain.
There are grants available but unless she gets benefits she is unlikely to be entitled to any of them. There are schemes to give grants to elderly people through Age Concern, worth asking but I know in my area they only pay for urgent stuff such as water leaking through ceilings from roofs.
I understand her reluctance to move. Moving is stressful anyway. At her age it will seem overwhelming. She is unlikely to be able to without lots of practical help to do so.
There needs to be a focus on what urgently needs to happen. So if the boiler is still fine but just a bit inefficient it may be fine to leave. Similarly as long as the outbuildings are safe, they can be left. Focus on prioritising what really needs to happen e.g. roof, windows - some may be able to be patched up, etc.
Then help her look and see if she can take out a loan attached to the equity in the house. She will probably need help to make sure she is not being scammed.
And I am surprised at those who think this level of work seems unrealistic. If you have an old large house that has had very little upgrading in years, and a 50 year old boiler sounds like there has been little upgrading, then this level of work is not surprising.

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 10:08

Also, be aware that a move at that age can lead to a deterioration in health. So a move should be avoided if possible.

Dashel · 27/05/2021 10:10

Would it be possible to sell an outbuilding to pay for the repairs? It’s sounds like it’s a large plot and if it could be split and an outbuilding sold as a project/conversion then it might pay for the repairs to everything else, particularly if you got planning permission

murbblurb · 27/05/2021 10:11

If you don't have the money there is no conversation there. She needs to find another way, with everyone's help. I also think the 10k sounds suspicious.

And the care home fees comment is very relevant. Never assume an inheritance.