Being asked to pay for elderly parent’s house repairs

[Noname1234567890]

My widowed MIL is in her mid 80’s, she is still living in the family home she has owned for around 50yrs and doesn’t wish to move. Out of the blue she has emailed my DH and his 2 siblings saying the house needs extensive repairs such as roof, central heating, repairs to outbuildings etc. She has got a quote for rendering for £10,000.

She has asked that all siblings contribute to the repairs as the house is their inheritance and obviously will be worth less if in disrepair, we have a small amount of savings but these repairs could wipe those out but obviously don’t want MIL living in deteriorating home conditions, she is still fit and active and is likely to be around for a long time yet.

Just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation?

@Donitta

She has asked that all siblings contribute to the repairs as the house is their inheritance No. She could need care and the home will take the house to pay for it. Or she could meet a partner (a scammer even) and remarry then leave it to him. Or she could leave it all to the local cat charity. Don’t spend money on a house you don’t own. If she can’t afford to maintain her house she needs to downsize.

Or the children could put a charge over the property to the value of their investment/loan

Most local councils do a scheme where they lend the homeowner the money to do urgent repairs. It is only paid back on the sale of the house, think it's interest free too.

Google healthy homes and the name of her local authority.

@fruitbrewhaha

But she's not fully independent.

An independent person would have the money and the foresight to keep on top of these jobs and maintain a house. If she has let stuff slip and is now coming to you to pay for it she is not independent.

She needs to sell up and find a smaller more manageable home. Sheltered housing doesn't have to be an old peoples home, they can be flats where they keep their "independence" but are being kept an eye on and the building are maintained. They also have restaurants you can chose to eat in, activities and lots of things to make life easier. They are normally available for the over 50s so I'm sure you can find one that's not gods waiting room.

Sheltered housing with someone keeping an eye often has very expensive service charges. Great if you have the regular monthly income to pay for it. But if you only have savings paying for it, these can soon be depleted.

@NakedBanana

Most local councils do a scheme where they lend the homeowner the money to do urgent repairs. It is only paid back on the sale of the house, think it's interest free too.

Google healthy homes and the name of her local authority.

There are a lot of older people in the position of owning houses where they can't afford repairs. It is sadly not unusual. So although worth enquiring about, healthy homes normally only pays for urgent repairs such as roof leaks or not having heating. A neighbour got this because water was coming through her roof into her bedroom.

@PhillipPhillop

As someone has already mentioned, you can put a charge on the property which means if you stump up a loan of eg 20k to fix the repairs, when the property is sold this amount is paid out first to you before eg the care home fees. A solicitor is doing this for me for a small £250 fee.

This seems a sensible plan. Your sibling can then put in different amounts if needed.

Wow, who are these parents that randomly email their offspring and ask for tens of thousands of pounds to fit up their house without any consideration of their children's financial situation

Maybe ones who had previously helped out their kids with house deposits or financial gifts. Obviously they shouldn’t expect anything back but sometimes I think some adult children see help as a one way street.

You need to ask what benefits she s on. There's grants to replace boilers and wooden windows. Then one of you need to help with quotes.
She might be well now, but things can change quickly at her age, so it would be helpful if someone could be more involved. What age did her female relatives live well until? Age and health into old age, tends to be genetic.

Just to say I had my roof done last year. I have a 2 bed terrace, though the roof hadn't been done certainly since the 1940s, possibly since 1885. It cost me £13000. I don't think I was ripped off though it's possible. So the estimate sounds extremely low for a full redo, though possibly not if it's just a few leaks or something.

@SpeakingFranglais

Wow, who are these parents that randomly email their offspring and ask for tens of thousands of pounds to fit up their house without any consideration of their children's financial situation.

I cannot imagine this ever happening. Apart from the fact that we are open and honest, in this situation my mum would call and ask for advice over what she should do. She absolutely wouldn't ask for money, if she didn't have it she would accept, sadly, a move was necessary. And she's lived in her house for 55 years.

This^

Unless the kids are very very well off or it’s an absolute emergency, especially as there’s no guarantee of an inheritance, it could all go on care fees or she could fall out with you and leave it all to the cats home.

This is where equity release is a good idea, choose very wisely but it means she can complete the repairs and draw down what she needs, once she is gone it gets paid off, yes it costs money but far better than asking you

Weird alternative view, what if she can actually afford it but just wants to know whether her kids will help her out in her hour of need to know who should get what stake in the house down the line?

@CinnamonCurls

Weird alternative view, what if she can actually afford it but just wants to know whether her kids will help her out in her hour of need to know who should get what stake in the house down the line?

I'd hope she's not into playing bizarre games like that - and there's no evidence of it from the OP.

Please don't use your safety net.if she cannot afford the place she should look to downsize.

Agree you need to investigate good equity release schemes for her.

She could have a stroke tomorrow and need years of nursing home care and soon get through the money from a forced house sale to pay for that and you all be left with nothing.

The rights and wrongs of it are beside the point really, as you can’t give her money you don’t have.

Have a sit down and look at all of the options (including ‘do nothing’), and how she might finance the various options. Equity release, a council loan etc.

Do you have any idea why, all of a sudden, she needs quite a few repairs. What sparked this? I would try to find out, as it seems odd suddenly needing everything fixed.

I had my detached house scratch coated which is similar to rendering and it cost me £4000. Is her house the size of an hotel OP?

@Cattitudes

It sounds as if maybe someone has targeted her to scam her to be honest. Does anyone have power of attorney? If you can't afford it then you will need to discuss it with the rest of the family. Is there anyone who would be in a position to help more easily? Maybe suggest that they put in the money for a ring fenced amount on the deeds. Try also to help her distinguish between essential (roof) and less essential work.

I think this is most likely. You need to establish exactly why she thinks all this needs to be done. It would be really unusual for such a lot of repairs to come at once as a genuine surprise.

And I think that if she can’t afford to maintain her home then she does need to downsize to something cheaper and easier for her to run. It's not realistic or reasonable for her to expect to live in the family home forever. Don't sink your money into a house that could be sold to pay for care fees.

Do not use your savings for this unless you are prepared to lose them.

If your MIL is in her mid 80s she may well live to be 100 and beyond and 10 - 15 years care home fees will eat up a substantial amount of the equity in most homes.

You should discuss with a solicitor. One option would be to lend her the money and guarantee it with a charge against the property.

That way the LA would not be able to take the whole house to pay for care and your money would still be safeguarded if, for example, she were to remarry or decide to leave her home to the local cat sanctuary.

Wait till you know more about what needs doing.

If the house was built by her husband and is only around 50 years old there is no way it will need total renovation.
If he died 20 years ago then presumably he kept up with the upkeep till then.
Maybe it's just a couple of tiles slipped, it certainly shouldn't need total reroofing.
The wooden window frames may just need painting rather than replacing.
I agree with others that she may be entitled to grants with regard to a new boiler.

In laws moved into a lock up and leave flat after selling the family home they had built.

The issue is whilst fil died in his 80s about 3 years after moving into the flat mil is approaching 100 and in a care home with dementia which is costing her £8000 per month.
Given it is her mind that is gone and not her body which is still going and doctors have said she could have another 5 years, any of the substantial funds which were got from the sale of the house will have gone in care home fees. So no as harsh as it may seem I wouldn’t pay to prop up a house. Care home fees will just eliminate any inheritance.
Ultimately as you get more and more elderly your hope is for your body to go before your mind.
Dmil is a very fit woman but it is cruel to see her mind has gone and in moments of clarity she wishes herself dead as there isn’t anything to live for and she hates being where she is.
Whilst your mother sounds like she is fit and healthy she must realise that it bares no relation to how her mind could deteriorate and then like mil you have the worse of both worlds and the house she wants to give you all as an inheritance will be gone in care home fees.

It would be better for her to sell now and go into either a smaller house or apartment and split some of the money left over with you all rather than wait to the point where the house has to be sold to pay for care home fees.

She may need to sell her home in the future for care home fees. Even if she gives it to the sons now it could still be clawed back for care fees if they think she has deliberately deprived her assets. And its still going to need repairs.

You can't be expected to repair the house for her and I'd be suspicious that someone is scamming her. I'd visit to see what's really going on then help her to sort out what is needed and to get various quotes for the work.Wooden windows can be saved by a good carpenter.
I'd explain your position, see if she has any savings and if she's claiming enough pension. It's a good time to sort out a POA for health and finance even if it's activated later.

Sorry you need a way to help but not your own money if you don't have it.

Whatever you do, don't do sheltered housing. Or at least, not a new one. They are like cars and lose their value. They also often have clauses in the contracts that allow the developer to take a percentage of the sale price when you sell up, which I think is despicable given people are usually selling because they are going into care and need the money; or they've died. I think some of the newer ones have fairer terms but then you have the issue of the diminution in value.

A normal flat is better (and you can get round the lack of a warden by having an emergency thing you have around your neck).

My dad bought a sheltered flat for around £150K and sold it 10 years later for £120K. I think my aunt made a similar loss with hers.

Anyway it doesn't sound like she's ready for that yet - lack of maintenance money is a different issue to not being able to look after yourself/cope with the house.