Being asked to pay for elderly parent’s house repairs

[Noname1234567890]

My widowed MIL is in her mid 80’s, she is still living in the family home she has owned for around 50yrs and doesn’t wish to move. Out of the blue she has emailed my DH and his 2 siblings saying the house needs extensive repairs such as roof, central heating, repairs to outbuildings etc. She has got a quote for rendering for £10,000.

She has asked that all siblings contribute to the repairs as the house is their inheritance and obviously will be worth less if in disrepair, we have a small amount of savings but these repairs could wipe those out but obviously don’t want MIL living in deteriorating home conditions, she is still fit and active and is likely to be around for a long time yet.

Just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation?

I think stick with a firm

"None of us have the money to afford it MIL, we help you get a loan against the house"

Her gentleman friend might not be a scammer, but if she marries him it invalidates any existing wills and he may well inherit the lot!

It seems a little odd that she is essentially demanding this money. It's not something that is affecting her quality of life, like the boiler packing up so if you don't have the spare cash then no it's not sensible to leave yourself in a vulnerable financial position to do this.

I downsized because my house needed extensive renovation, the surveyor thought about £200K. After two withdrawn offers and thirty odd viewings I went to auction and sold for far less than I'd hoped for, but I was scared of more bad storms and the tiles blowing off/windows coming in. I did get enough to buy a bungalow which is in goodish condition. If your MIL doesn't need to sell because she has to go into care, when she passes unfortunately I think the auction route will be your only option.

She could always get equity release on her house to cover the cost of repairs and that really would cut into any inheritance you hope to receive. At least your MIL would have a nice comfortable house to live out her years, after all it is her house so why not. Makes more sense than lumbering you with the cost now.

My friend has just done this.

If you go down the equity release route take care because although interest rates can be low you are paying interest on the interest . Get proper advice .

My uncle asked a few of us to do something similar but we were not in the financial position to do it so he took out an equity release loan from a well known company . It very quickly ramped up and then when they went into a home we had to sell the house and use all the funds for repaying the loan and their care ( aunt and uncle ) it costs thousands for very basic care . I kept explaining that I never expected any money from them but when I used to visit he used to cry that all the money was lost in the loan and fees . It was very sad .

The idea of possibly selling off part of the property as a plot is a good idea?

And care with rendering as well you can get some right cowboys . Our neighbour had theirs done and it is flaking and bubbling already .

i agree with the above - you have to take care of you and yours. parents are a fickle thing - we paid our inlaws mortgage for years and got 5k when they sold it (the fuckers) it is what it is - make sure there is a legal agreement is my advice

Like I said its her house her choice. I know the equity release interest is high but at least she will have the money to do as she likes with. What is the alternative? Live in a substandard house or her family help her out?
Nobody should expect to have an inheritance at the expense of their parents living in substandard property.

The house price will increase if properly maintained. More for you to inherit.

If God forbid she has to go into a home the money will all go anyway paying for her fees. I know, I have worked in many Care homes and seen peoples entire house taken to pay the fees.

I think it’s a bit different here in the west but where I’m from, this is the norm, where our parents aren’t able to afford such. I recently had to refurbish my mom’s property , in which I have zero inheritance interest. It’s just what we do. Even where they are well off, we still give a monthly stipend.so, on that light, I’d say yes , your DH & his siblings ought to be fixing it. How else will she anyway otherwise, fund it ?

As others have said, make sure she’s not been targeted. My mum and MIL who both live alone have both been targeted in different ways - there are some incredible shits out there who capitalise on old peoples’ desire to appear still competent and able to organise their own affairs.

@ScotchB

I think it’s a bit different here in the west but where I’m from, this is the norm, where our parents aren’t able to afford such. I recently had to refurbish my mom’s property , in which I have zero inheritance interest. It’s just what we do. Even where they are well off, we still give a monthly stipend.so, on that light, I’d say yes , your DH & his siblings ought to be fixing it. How else will she anyway otherwise, fund it ?

west of where?

Elderly people seem so often to insist on living the same way they did when they were decades younger, while expecting others to fill in for whatever they can no longer do themselves. Ugh.

That said, I do feel for her and it it's really only going to be that much money each, I'd probably try to do it if at all possible.

That’s seriously unreasonable of her to ask. And it isn’t likely to ever be yours. My nan’s care costs 1200 a week. She had a 400k house and huge savings. It’s all long gone. She’s 93. And people are living longer and longer!

@TheoMeo

Is rendering resurfacing the outside - does teh whole house need done - 10,000 is a suspiciously high and suspiciously round number.

If that is the rendering bill goodness knows what the total will be if she is putting in central heating, plumbing, fixing outbuildings and roof!!!!!

Unless there is water getting in I would do nothing, just buy her a plug in electric fire. You don't need all new central heating throughout for one person. Anyway it might be sold for care home fees so no benefit to you or siblings.

My friend owns 50% of the freehold of the building her flat is in. It's a 3-storey Victorian terraced house, converted into 3 flats.

She and the other freeholder have recently got quotes just for rendering the front of the building. The cheapest was £9k, so £10k for rendering a whole house sounds reasonable tbh.

I'd be slightly concerned that with a new man on the scene she's wanting her children to stump up huge sums towards a property they may never see again.

I think the quote sounds about right considering how much building work costs.

Don’t think you should pay it. She needs to sell up. Both my grandmothers sensibly downsized when widowed. Seems crazy elderly ladies rattling round in high maintenance houses. They are a lot of work and it falls on the younger generation it’s not fair.

No not in this situation. Our parents live in houses they can afford? It’s a bit silly to be one person in the big family home you’ve lived in for fifty years unless you are in a chateau and it’s been “the family home” for generations and generations.

Will RTFT now and see if any more info about your MIL. On surface if she can’t afford the house, and you can’t afford the house, the usual course of action is to sell and downsize. It being a project needing repairs won’t stop it being sellable. You just price it lower.

@Noname1234567890

Thanks everyone, it is helpful to get your views, I’m not sure about MIL finances, she never really worked herself after getting married, FIL was self employed so she is living off their pensions I guess.

I think a family zoom meeting is needed, I have seen a few cracks in the rendering so that does need looking at, the boiler is the original one installed so must be 50 years old but the house is warm so seems to be working but might not be efficient, and yes, proper quotes need to be sought to make sure she isn’t being targeted by scammers.

For things like the windows and the boiler, she might be eligible for a Green Homes grant, OP.

I wouldn’t be contributing to the repairs. There is a very real possibility that in the not too distant future she will need to go into a home. The house may well need to be sold to fund the care. So if that happens, none of you will see any of that money back.

It would surely be more useful for her to downsize and you have some inheritance now than you poor your savings into future inheritance. Alternatively can she not get an equity release loan?

@PhillipPhillop

As someone has already mentioned, you can put a charge on the property which means if you stump up a loan of eg 20k to fix the repairs, when the property is sold this amount is paid out first to you before eg the care home fees. A solicitor is doing this for me for a small £250 fee.

I was wondering about that.

And I suppose OP could release equity in her own home to raise the money. If it were possible for the charge for the charge to be a percentage of the value of the property rather than a fixed amount, the amount repayable would rise in house line with house price inflation and the OP wouldn't lose out.

I really understand what an awful wrench it would be for MIL to leave the home she's lived in for over 50 years, that her late husband built and that she brought her family up in. If there's a way of preventing her from having to move, it would be a lovely thing to do.

I know I'd have done it for my mum. Done it in a heartbeat.

May I suggest that if you do this, you officially, and legally, make the money a loan?

But that’s not for the reason of being stingy with her: This way, the added value, such as it may be were you to give her the repair money, would be deducted from the inheritance before any tax. Or, deducted from the house as her asset to be used for care home fees.

@EverythingRuined

Wow, who are these parents that randomly email their offspring and ask for tens of thousands of pounds to fit up their house without any consideration of their children's financial situation

Maybe ones who had previously helped out their kids with house deposits or financial gifts. Obviously they shouldn’t expect anything back but sometimes I think some adult children see help as a one way street.

Bollocks. I think this is outrageous. We have helped out our kids with money for doing up their first houses because we have it now. No way on earth would I get to my 80s and ask for over 10k being given to renovate my pad because I didn't want to move. I wouldn't ask my children for a penny ever.

If something isn't unconditional, be it love or money, don't bother.