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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend has just blocked me,aibu to think I've done nothing wrong?

323 replies

louisabb · 26/05/2021 17:10

I don't understand when my friend has outbursts like this.
Friday we had organised to meet up for a look around the shops and I said lunch.
Lately she's been saying she has no appetite and likes nibbly food.
So I found 3 places and sent her the menu and asked if she liked the look of them.
She said "it's only Wednesday,I'm not deciding yet"
Then said "actually I just want to get a sandwich"
I said "oh no worries,I'm fancying more a hot meal so how about we find a nice pub that does sandwiches plus a choice of meals"
No reply.
Then a hour later she rang me angry
"I don't like to plan anything,I've got no interest in food "
I said "ok well why did you organise it with me"
She said "oh there you go blaming me"
I said "I'm not sure what the problem is,I was just trying to find somewhere you liked"
She replied "I like nowhere"
I said "sorry I'm a bit confused,do you want to cancel Friday ?"
She said "oh blaming me for wanting to cancel(she swore ) hung up and blocked me on WhatsApp

What did I do?

OP posts:
MiaRoma · 26/05/2021 18:25

@louisabb

The only reason I plan ahead is because she drops me in it so much. I get ready and 5 mins before she will say she can't be bothered or it's raining so she's staying in bed.

Why remain friends?

And why be surprised that she's flaky AGAIN ?

wasthataburp · 26/05/2021 18:26

She sounds like a nut case.

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 26/05/2021 18:29

Op several things spring to mind reading your post

Does she have (or could she have developed) an eating disorder?...

Could she have something going on in her life(health issue, job worries, family worries) that is distracting her and caused her to take it out on you?

Could money be tight for her and she maybe felt too embarrassed to say she couldn't afford to eat out (hence the different answers you kept getting from her)

Op I don't think her behaviour is anything you have done...and you haven't done anything to be blocked going by what you have written in your post...I do think something is going on with your friend and whatever it is (eating disorder/cash worries/problems at home jobs worries etc) is the real reason she acted as she did

Has she ever acted this way before?

MustardRose · 26/05/2021 18:30

She sounds downright contrary and is being a complete pain in the neck on purpose. Enjoy your shopping trip on your own, go where you want and eat what you want.

mam0918 · 26/05/2021 18:36

People saying 'be spontanious' you are aware practically everywhere needs to be booked in advance right now due to covid rules right?

You have to book pubs/resteraunts at least the day before or theres no availiblility here, sometime up to a week before for rush hours (like dinner on sunday).

We go out 2-3 times a week and every time we are in the queue there are people getting turned away because they didnt book and just thought 'well I'll just show up' only to be annoyed (or argue they can see an empty table) when told the place is booked solid.

SkodaKodiaq · 26/05/2021 18:37

I’ll be your friend op! You sound lovely. Are you in north or West Yorkshire by any chance?!
I’ve had friends like the woman you describe. Keeps you at their beck & call so you’re always having to run things past her, as if she’s in control...!

Zilla1 · 26/05/2021 18:39

Did she or you use the term 'nibbly food' and 'nibbly bits' first? If her then she's clearly unreasonable.

Londontown12 · 26/05/2021 18:39

I think she is struggling with something ! And she may be in denial people with ED struggle in these situations maybe she cud just maybe grab food if she wants but didn’t have to if she wasn’t hungry or she couldn’t eat anything if that makes any sense . If u kept going on about food it may have been triggering for her and when u later say she’s lost 3 stone I wud deffo say some kind of problem . People when they get caught up like this they can end up lashing out and isolating if she a good friend just be there for her if u can XX

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 26/05/2021 18:39

You arranged to meet at the shops then you sent her 3 menus.

mam0918 · 26/05/2021 18:40

God sake can no one read?

OP made a 1 word typo (saying 'I' instead of 'we') and corrected it instantly before anyone even responded and yet half of the comments are just people saying 'you said I not we' - I mean didnt you not even get to the bottom of the OP before rushing off to comment.

Zzelda · 26/05/2021 18:40

@MayLeaveADentInYourSofa

You arranged to meet at the shops then you sent her 3 menus.
No, she arranged to meet for shopping and lunch. It says so right up there in the first post.
MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 26/05/2021 18:41

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

I feel you were not listening to her really

She want a casual stroll around the shops, no sit down meal (fair enough!)

You start sending menus Confused

This!
meemaww · 26/05/2021 18:41

Could she have money worries and maybe not afford lunch?

I think you’ve got to consider yourself in this and what you’re getting out of this friendship. It sounds like you’re jumping through a lot of hoops to keep her happy but getting abuse for your trouble. I’d leave the door open for her slightly, give her chance to explain but not be too upset if she didn’t contact you again. Friends aren’t meant to be so much hard work! 💐

sapnupuas · 26/05/2021 18:42

She's blocked you before?

Zzelda · 26/05/2021 18:42

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

I feel you were not listening to her really

She want a casual stroll around the shops, no sit down meal (fair enough!)

You start sending menus Confused

But the friend agreed to lunch when they first agreed to meet up. OP did nothing wrong whatsoever.
VeganCheesePlease · 26/05/2021 18:42

Without realising it do you maybe back her into a corner sometimes? It's just you've said you want to speak to her about her issues and she just flies off the handle. Maybe you're pressurising her more than you realise. For someone with ED (I lost my sister to the condition) going out for food is a BIG deal and can cause issues. I was on your side until towards the end of your OP.

wingsnthat · 26/05/2021 18:43

Frankly it sounds like the trash has taken itself out

Ozanj · 26/05/2021 18:44

Seems like she just wanted a reason to cancel. Cut her off

spotcheck · 26/05/2021 18:44

But do you REALLY have to plan where you are going for lunch if you are shopping/lunch with a friend?

Surely you look round shops, when you are both hungry, you look at what is around and then decide then and there?

Does it need to be planned 2 days in advance?
That'd bug me

Sillysandy · 26/05/2021 18:45

I can't believe the replies here justifying her reaction because you weren't doing exactly what she might have wanted. She doesn't have the right to treat you badly and it is so clear that's what she's doing. I would block her right back and concentrate on your other friendships which enhance your life.

pabloescobarselasticband · 26/05/2021 18:46

Even if she didn't want to eat her reaction is weird and excessive. Smacks of an eating disorder. If i went shopping with a friend and they wanted food but I didn't I would happily just sit and have a drink while they ate.

drpet49 · 26/05/2021 18:50

** The only reason I plan ahead is because she drops me in it so much.
I get ready and 5 mins before she will say she can't be bothered or it's raining so she's staying in bed.**

*Why are you friends with her still? She treats you like dirt.

Tal45 · 26/05/2021 18:50

I would just block her and be done with it. Then you can post on your own page without her complaining she wasn't invited.

BigHeadBertha · 26/05/2021 18:52

I don't think you deserved the way she treated you, in any way, shape or form. If there was a misunderstanding about lunch and she'd meant that she would rather just decide it at the time instead of planning it, she could have as easily said that to you as snapped at you. And, it's not like her rudeness is a one time thing anyway.

I think there are two separate things going on here and it's better to keep them separate. The first thing is her treatment of you. It is undeserved, abusive and repeated. You've already given her plenty of chances. Therefore, I think you should cut her off. You sound like a kind, understanding, tolerant friend and you deserve the same type of friends in return.

The second issue is her possible mental state. That is interesting to consider but is not under your control to fix anyway, and your putting up with her nastiness helps no one. Therefore, I don't think it should figure in on your decision of what to do about her.

Perhaps you can try again with her in a few months and see if she's gotten over whatever her problem is, as long as you don't get your hopes up.

I had a good friend of many years turn on me and start that kind of crap. Suddenly, everything I did or said was wrong and usually idiotic as well, apparently. She'd always had a rather negative outlook on life and somewhat entitled attitude, I'd say, but then she turned it all on me. I tried to overlook it, and backed off from her a few times. Nothing changed though, so I cut ties with her.

I cringe to even say this because I generally roll my eyes when anyone else says someone is jealous of them, but it's honestly all I can think of so that's my best guess in my situation. My life has turned out pretty well so far and hers hasn't. And she'd make snide little comments about how I was "lucky," etc. as if trying to establish that I had nothing to do with my successes. Anyway, maybe just another possibility there is that perhaps she feels the need to take you down a peg as a way of "levelling."

Figgygal · 26/05/2021 18:53

She sounds like a total head fuck based on your further comments around her behaviour and friendships
Let it go doesn’t sound like she’s worth it sounds like a total drama queen

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