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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has just blocked me,aibu to think I've done nothing wrong?

323 replies

louisabb · 26/05/2021 17:10

I don't understand when my friend has outbursts like this.
Friday we had organised to meet up for a look around the shops and I said lunch.
Lately she's been saying she has no appetite and likes nibbly food.
So I found 3 places and sent her the menu and asked if she liked the look of them.
She said "it's only Wednesday,I'm not deciding yet"
Then said "actually I just want to get a sandwich"
I said "oh no worries,I'm fancying more a hot meal so how about we find a nice pub that does sandwiches plus a choice of meals"
No reply.
Then a hour later she rang me angry
"I don't like to plan anything,I've got no interest in food "
I said "ok well why did you organise it with me"
She said "oh there you go blaming me"
I said "I'm not sure what the problem is,I was just trying to find somewhere you liked"
She replied "I like nowhere"
I said "sorry I'm a bit confused,do you want to cancel Friday ?"
She said "oh blaming me for wanting to cancel(she swore ) hung up and blocked me on WhatsApp

What did I do?

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 27/05/2021 15:32

Because OP has shared history with the person, and because OP's nice she doesn't want to just drop someone and make their mental health worse?

But this friend is making OP's own mental health worse, and leaving her second guessing every interaction she has with this person. That is exhausting as hell. Friendships should not be like that at all. This friend has also threatened OP with violence because OP was expressing concerns about her own dad's health.

If dropping this friend has a detrimental effect on their mental health, that is not the responsibility of the OP. She is not a social worker, nurse or a therapist. She is just someone who wants a normal friendship with someone who values her time. Dropping this friend might be the push needed for them to seek some professional help.

Horehound · 27/05/2021 16:52

No, you do not allow someone to abuse you "cause mental health problems"

Just. NO.

Original poster
louisabb · 27/05/2021 21:07

She's been posting quotes on fb all night
"Finding out who your friends are"
"When you realise your friends only think of number 1"

How the hell has she decided this from me sending her food menus

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 27/05/2021 21:10

@louisabb

She's been posting quotes on fb all night "Finding out who your friends are" "When you realise your friends only think of number 1"

How the hell has she decided this from me sending her food menus

Block her on FB. I know your heart is in the best of places, but she also needs to help herself... first step to that is recognising she has a problem. And it sounds like she just blames you instead of seeing that she is the one that needs to change.

Enjoy the friends you have that actually value you. This person isn't one of them.

billy1966 · 27/05/2021 21:11

@louisabb

She's been posting quotes on fb all night "Finding out who your friends are" "When you realise your friends only think of number 1"

How the hell has she decided this from me sending her food menus

She sounds like a gobshite.

I've only heard on MN this method of PA communicating via SM or FB.

It sounds beyond moronic.

Ignore.

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/05/2021 21:16

Block her, she’s got issues but you don’t need to be the one fixing them.

CrikeyMatron · 27/05/2021 21:16

Just block her and move on @louisabb

She’s a nasty creature. Friendships are not supposed to be like this. It’s more like an abusive relationship.

Giantrooster · 27/05/2021 21:51

Please make a deal with yourself that you have spend enough headspace on her. Now you take charge and block her everywhere, it might feel hard but you will grow from being the one making the decisions.

(She might be fun at times, but realing you in only to punch you IS abusive behavior.)

Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:54

You’ve done nothing wrong she sounds like a nob

Giantrooster · 27/05/2021 21:55

And I better take my own advice and stop now Grin. Best of luck.

Guavafish · 27/05/2021 22:29

Just leave it

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/05/2021 22:31

@louisabb

She's been posting quotes on fb all night "Finding out who your friends are" "When you realise your friends only think of number 1"

How the hell has she decided this from me sending her food menus

Block her now. A now ex-friend of mine tried this passive aggressive shit on Facebook a few years ago and it kicked me into action. He came crawling back with half-arsed apologies a few days later, but it was too late: he was out of my life, and I don’t regret it for a moment.

She thinks she’s in charge because she’s blocked you, and as such can deign to forgive you when she chooses (expecting you to be pathetically grateful). It will serve her right when she finds she can’t unblock you - and all her power is gone.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/05/2021 23:11

@louisabb

She's been posting quotes on fb all night "Finding out who your friends are" "When you realise your friends only think of number 1"

How the hell has she decided this from me sending her food menus

I think I'd be responding to that.

"Finding out who your friends are"
No-one now.

OK, I wouldn't really, but I would be thinking it. And blocking her on FB.

Let her moan into the void. Because actually, you should be thinking of yourself. You matter. Your mental health matters. And her behaviour is detrimental to you and your mental health. You are not her therapist. You are not her punchbag. You are not her plaything. And you are certainly not responsible for her. She's driven everyone else away with this crap. Do the sensible thing, and join them.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 28/05/2021 01:37

What do you get out of the friendship?

Does it make you feel good because you are still there for her whilst everyone else has abandoned her? You are the better friend?

Other people will be thinking you are a mug to continue to allow her to treat you badly. They lose respect for you because you let her treat you like shit. They might start believing they can behave the same way.

When you allow someone to treat you badly it corrodes your self worth.

PlanetOfTheApesLives · 28/05/2021 07:23

@louisabb

She's been posting quotes on fb all night "Finding out who your friends are" "When you realise your friends only think of number 1"

How the hell has she decided this from me sending her food menus

Do your best to ignore. Some people do this on FB, it's all about them and others often realise what they are like. There is a 'me, me, me' type. Sorry you are going through this @louisabb
Original poster
louisabb · 28/05/2021 09:06

Honestly lately I get nothing from this "friendship"
Apart from walking on egg shells.
Anyway -I'm off out for the day today on my own,going to get the train and go shopping a bit further afield.
Let her play the victim...she's pushed everyone away with her behaviour.
I'm best out of it

OP posts:
AdelindSchade · 28/05/2021 09:16

@louisabb

Honestly lately I get nothing from this "friendship" Apart from walking on egg shells. Anyway -I'm off out for the day today on my own,going to get the train and go shopping a bit further afield. Let her play the victim...she's pushed everyone away with her behaviour. I'm best out of it
You really are OP. Block her and go enjoy your day.
Livpool · 28/05/2021 09:23

She sounds ridiculous. Definitely better off on your own OP

EmeraldShamrock · 28/05/2021 09:27

You've done enough for this friendship, she is extremely picky and dismissive if it was an intimate relationship I'd say LTB.
As she is a friend I'd send a nice text saying you love her but need some time out.

PlanetOfTheApesLives · 28/05/2021 09:32

Why do some people use 'mental health' as a reason to treat others badly?

You can have poor mental health and are perfectly lovely to others and I've often find the people who smile outwardly, go around trying to make people happy can suffer with very poor mental health....but some of the ones that say they have 'mental health issues' on FB and anywhere are often dicks that use that as a 'get out of jail' pass to be horrible to others.

LizzieW1969 · 28/05/2021 10:20

@PlanetOfTheApesLives

I couldn’t agree more. It really annoys me when ‘MH issues’ are cited as an excuse for treating people badly. They’re really not. If you suffer from MH issues, get help. Don’t use partners or friends/family members as emotional punch bags.

Holly60 · 28/05/2021 11:09

@Dishwashersaurous

So she wanted a look round the shops.

You wanted to do lunch. You then suggest menus etc and a pub lunch etc.

She didn't want to do lunch. She told you that.

You could have just grabbed a sandwich at Starbucks etc, as she told you that she didn't want to eat , for whatever reason.

Her reaction is over the top, blocking etc, but sounds like you weren't listening to her

Yeah I’d say this. Lunch to her was a footnote - to you, lunch sounded like the main activity. If she isn’t fancying much then it would be annoying to sit in about whilst you have a massive cooked lunch. She was hinting massively that she didn’t want a big lunch and you ignored it. If my friend had said everything she did I would have picked up on it and not pushed the issue to be honest. I might have said ‘ok no worries we’ll find a coffee shop and I’ll grab a sandwich whilst you have a coffee’. She wanted to go shopping with you not to lunch, basically.
Holly60 · 28/05/2021 11:10

@louisabb

Honestly lately I get nothing from this "friendship" Apart from walking on egg shells. Anyway -I'm off out for the day today on my own,going to get the train and go shopping a bit further afield. Let her play the victim...she's pushed everyone away with her behaviour. I'm best out of it
Have you booked yourself into a pub for that big cooked meal you really wanted??
Zzelda · 28/05/2021 11:50

She was hinting massively that she didn’t want a big lunch and you ignored it.

Where do people keep getting these fictions from? OP has made it perfectly clear that friend wanted a "nibbly food" lunch and that is what she was suggesting.

Original poster
louisabb · 28/05/2021 11:56

@Holly60 when exactly did I say I wanted a big cooked meal ?
The plan was to meet for shopping and a nibbly lunch
I wasn't fancying caviar or a carved turkey
Talk about reading into things ..

OP posts:
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