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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has just blocked me,aibu to think I've done nothing wrong?

323 replies

louisabb · 26/05/2021 17:10

I don't understand when my friend has outbursts like this.
Friday we had organised to meet up for a look around the shops and I said lunch.
Lately she's been saying she has no appetite and likes nibbly food.
So I found 3 places and sent her the menu and asked if she liked the look of them.
She said "it's only Wednesday,I'm not deciding yet"
Then said "actually I just want to get a sandwich"
I said "oh no worries,I'm fancying more a hot meal so how about we find a nice pub that does sandwiches plus a choice of meals"
No reply.
Then a hour later she rang me angry
"I don't like to plan anything,I've got no interest in food "
I said "ok well why did you organise it with me"
She said "oh there you go blaming me"
I said "I'm not sure what the problem is,I was just trying to find somewhere you liked"
She replied "I like nowhere"
I said "sorry I'm a bit confused,do you want to cancel Friday ?"
She said "oh blaming me for wanting to cancel(she swore ) hung up and blocked me on WhatsApp

What did I do?

OP posts:
BorderlineHappy · 28/05/2021 12:03

Plus @louisabb you have to book things.So wanting your friend to pick and you book is not unusual at this time.
I'm glad you've decided to go and have a nice shopping trip,and have the lunch you want.Without moaning Minnie being there to ruin it.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 28/05/2021 12:04

Have you booked yourself into a pub for that big cooked meal you really wanted??

Are pubs different where you live? Because almost every pub I’ve ever been to that does food has things like sandwiches or small plates - you know, exactly the kind of nibbly food the OP’s friend asked for.

Original poster
louisabb · 28/05/2021 15:31

Here a lot of places you need a booking or your waiting ages
Even to get in Costa the queue is a mile long.
I ended up getting a chicken gyro it was lovely.
Never had one before,really nice.
No 3 course lunch don't worry 😜

OP posts:
Original poster
louisabb · 29/05/2021 08:47

(Update)
Woke up this morning and went on WhatsApp and she has unblocked me.
Which I suspected she would do ,after Friday was over.
So predictable

OP posts:
mumsie8 · 29/05/2021 08:52

I simply wouldn't engage unblocked now or not.

BorderlineHappy · 29/05/2021 09:22

Block her and don't give her anymore headspace.

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/05/2021 09:26

Oh how kind of her!.

sapnupuas · 29/05/2021 09:34

Block her.

Who cares what she tells people.

Horehound · 29/05/2021 09:40

She is not your friend. Stop checking if she has unblocked you. Who cares? She treats you like shit and you're like a dog with a bone.

Move on.

Giantrooster · 29/05/2021 10:01

And? Grin
Now you have had time to think and loads of posters banging their heads against your wall. Now what is your reaction going to be?

XenoBitch · 29/05/2021 11:18

You know what you need to do... block her.
You might feel bad about it for a little while (and honestly, that would be her manipulation making you feel like that), but you will feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders.

RightYesButNo · 29/05/2021 11:54

I’m fairly confused about this. Your friend is on disability and you’ve mentioned it’s a mental health condition. This means her mental health is so bad that it cannot be stabilised so that she can work or perform the most basic tasks. So why are you surprised that she has serious mental health problems? Now, with that said, her mental health problems do NOT mean that you are obliged to stay around and be her punching bag. There is not a single diagnosis in the entire mental health world that excuses anyone for being an arsehole (and while some people may go through periods where they don’t treat others as they should or have trouble understanding when they hurt others, they are capable of apologizing). Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm; in the end, you’ll be burnt out and they’ll be cold again and just go looking for another fire.

Please block her. The friendship you had “years ago” is gone and she’s shown time and time again by her actions that she doesn’t want to have it back.

Notaroadrunner · 29/05/2021 17:43

Just block her now and leave her be. You really can do without that level of emotional abuse in your life.

Zzelda · 29/05/2021 17:58

@louisabb

(Update) Woke up this morning and went on WhatsApp and she has unblocked me. Which I suspected she would do ,after Friday was over. So predictable
I hope you've blocked her?
Twoforthree · 29/05/2021 18:16

I should send a message saying that you’d love to always be there for her, but you can’t be around her if she treats you as badly as she has been doing. I’d say you appreciate things aren’t easy for her, but you are fed up of being treated as if you aren’t a good friend, when you have been. Tell her that the ball is in her court as to how you move forward from now on, but you will no longer tolerate being screamed at, or being constantly blocked and unblocked etc. Say that you are happy to discuss anything calmly, but you aren’t going to be her emotional punchbag any more.
See what happens.

XenoBitch · 29/05/2021 18:23

@Twoforthree

I should send a message saying that you’d love to always be there for her, but you can’t be around her if she treats you as badly as she has been doing. I’d say you appreciate things aren’t easy for her, but you are fed up of being treated as if you aren’t a good friend, when you have been. Tell her that the ball is in her court as to how you move forward from now on, but you will no longer tolerate being screamed at, or being constantly blocked and unblocked etc. Say that you are happy to discuss anything calmly, but you aren’t going to be her emotional punchbag any more. See what happens.
That is a great suggestion, but I hope I am wrong in predicting that OP's "friend" will come out with some crap about OP not understanding her mental health issues.
Twoforthree · 29/05/2021 18:28

Of course she will, but at least she’s spelled it out and set the boundaries. She can then rest easy that she’s really tried to do her best for her friend and not feel guilty. Her friend will have self sabotaged, having been told plainly what will happen.

LizzieW1969 · 29/05/2021 18:46

That is a great suggestion, but I hope I am wrong in predicting that OP's "friend" will come out with some crap about OP not understanding her mental health issues.

Of course she will. It’s up to the OP not to fall for that line this time.

Kteeb1 · 29/05/2021 18:55

If she's always been like this, flying off the handle at small things, then that's who she is and it's up to you if you want to spend time with her. If its a recent thing, and it sounds like it might be, then she could have done kind of eating disorder. I am a recovering anorexic and bulimic and doesn't take much for me to tip back. I am strange about food and eating. I am open about it, but it is difficult to be. When I was in the midst of things my moods were awful. I had no real control over them either. I would send her a really kind email if you can, saying you care about her and you are worried and you would like to help her if there is something wrong. If she doesn't respond at least you know you've done what you can.

LJenn · 29/05/2021 23:17

@BorderlineHappy

Block her and don't give her anymore headspace.
This exactly 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
Terrysmyorange · 30/05/2021 12:29

I would block her Grin and move on. Far too much drama and hard work. Her reaction was so over the top and do you really want to be walking on eggshells constantly?

Duchess379 · 30/05/2021 15:47

Your 'friend' sounds like she has MH issues. Depression, eating disorder, something on those lines. If she's flying off the handle & changing plans at the last minute, I'd suggest something is wrong & she's needs to speak to a Dr.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 30/05/2021 16:02

YANBU, tbf I’m surprised that you didnt have to book, all my local toes you have to prebook for food, not so much drinks.

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