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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has just blocked me,aibu to think I've done nothing wrong?

323 replies

louisabb · 26/05/2021 17:10

I don't understand when my friend has outbursts like this.
Friday we had organised to meet up for a look around the shops and I said lunch.
Lately she's been saying she has no appetite and likes nibbly food.
So I found 3 places and sent her the menu and asked if she liked the look of them.
She said "it's only Wednesday,I'm not deciding yet"
Then said "actually I just want to get a sandwich"
I said "oh no worries,I'm fancying more a hot meal so how about we find a nice pub that does sandwiches plus a choice of meals"
No reply.
Then a hour later she rang me angry
"I don't like to plan anything,I've got no interest in food "
I said "ok well why did you organise it with me"
She said "oh there you go blaming me"
I said "I'm not sure what the problem is,I was just trying to find somewhere you liked"
She replied "I like nowhere"
I said "sorry I'm a bit confused,do you want to cancel Friday ?"
She said "oh blaming me for wanting to cancel(she swore ) hung up and blocked me on WhatsApp

What did I do?

OP posts:
Strongswans · 26/05/2021 18:57

It sounds like she is struggling really hard with an eating disorder. The getting annoyed with you is because she's stressed and probably wants to eat but can't. There isn't much you can do unless she wants help though.

I would back away, but if you want to be friend be friends when she's accepted help then be in the background, and support her when she gets the help she needs.

If she does have an eating disorder and she does get help, I would hazard a guess that she will apologise for her behaviour. I have suffered with eating disorders on and off for many years, and it put me to know I've hurt people when at my worst, but I apologised to them and they understood.

ladychatalot · 26/05/2021 18:57

You have behaved perfectly normally. ( And I say that as someone who almost never plans and prefers to be spontaneous)

PPs may be right about the eating disorder/food issues.

Sounds like you just need to leave her to it and find nicer friends

GertietheGherkin · 26/05/2021 18:58

@MayLeaveADentInYourSofa

You arranged to meet at the shops then you sent her 3 menus.
Of places that do nibbley bits 👍
Original poster
louisabb · 26/05/2021 19:01

@SkodaKodiaq ah I'm in the north east near Newcastle Smile

OP posts:
romdowa · 26/05/2021 19:04

Sounds like she has done you a massive favour tbh. Block her now on all social media and actually spend time with people who don't create drama.

AmberIsACertainty · 26/05/2021 19:06

@louisabb

The only reason I plan ahead is because she drops me in it so much. I get ready and 5 mins before she will say she can't be bothered or it's raining so she's staying in bed.
People only get to do this to me once. After that I never contact them about meeting up again and turn down any invitation that's just the two of us.
Kulio · 26/05/2021 19:06

I feel stressed just reading your OP. You say you are her only friend. I'm not flippin surprised if this is how she treats people. I think she has an ED based on what you've said, the weight loss, only eating alone at night time, pushing food around her plate etc.

Honestly, bin her off, she clearly needs professional help and will only use you as a punching bag.

JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 26/05/2021 19:08

@louisabb

I didn't push food on her. Last week she said shall we go for shopping and nibbles. I find nibbles and she goes off on one. She's lost about 3 stone in weight lately and I can't remember the last time I seen her eat I'm worried she's got a problem around food I won't be able to ask her or she flys off it screaming
That’s a big drip feed there OP. I reckon she’s got some sort of issue about food though tbh.
Guavafish · 26/05/2021 19:13

She sounds like work!

This is blessing

Beautiful3 · 26/05/2021 19:14

You've done nothing wrong. I'd leave her to it.

lioncitygirl · 26/05/2021 19:15

she sounds like she has an eating issues maybe - and a lot of hardwork.

WeeFae · 26/05/2021 19:17

Has she recently had weight loss surgery? I have, and I can only nibble food and going out to eat is a big stress with people who don't know Ive had it, and it is embarassing.

FireWafer · 26/05/2021 19:20

you've done nothing wrong, if she has a problem with food all she needed to do was say "actually would you mind if we meet after lunch, I am struggling with food at the moment and would rather not eat out" Or just say "can we bypass the food and just go shopping" no explanation needed but equally, no need for her to be rude to you.

You were trying to be accommodating but she hasn't seen it that way.

FortniteBoysMum · 26/05/2021 19:24

Is it possible she's not doing food out because of finances and does not want to say. Window shopping is free and provides a catch up. Sandwiches from a shop can be grabbed very cheaply. It sounds like food was being pushed by your continuously. Maybe said friend has an eating disorder but clearly the going for food was the issue here.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 26/05/2021 19:30

@Blueskytoday06

She has issues with food and / or money
Was thinking this
pictish · 26/05/2021 19:32

I’d be furious with being treated so poorly. I’d have texted her. “How about Cafe Go Fuck Yourself...I’ve heard it’s nice?”
The friendship would be over on my part the moment she spoke to me like shit over an innocuous arrangement. It’s altogether possible she has a food issue going on but to ball it up and shove it back at you as rudely as that is unacceptable.

burnoutbabe · 26/05/2021 19:32

Eating sandwiches standing up in the shopping centre is really not the normal actions of 2 adult women meeting for shopping/a catch up.

You'd maybe shift the meeting to after lunch and have a coffee /maybe cake if you didn't want lunch. But not agree to eat in the street!

Hyacinth88 · 26/05/2021 19:35

She has some sort of mental health issue I would say. Eating disorder.. OCD.. Anxiety goodness knows.
I think you have done all you can. I would text her and say I think you have issues I'm here if you ever need me and leave it

Hopeful201 · 26/05/2021 19:37

ED 100%. It is so hard, try to stick with her if she is normally a nice friend :-)

Funkyfuno · 26/05/2021 19:38

Sorry but who plans for food for weekend shopping from Wednesday? Tbh I'd be a bit annoyed for overplanning, sounds a bit ocd. She just wanted to eat a small bite whatever whenever. You had a communication issue. She thought shopping you thought fancy lunch. Obviously she should have been civilised and not go into drama mode though.

Thatswatshesaid · 26/05/2021 19:39

She’s obviously anxious. She doesn’t want to organise beforehand so she can opt out if she needs to. The ‘pressure’ of making a plan and paradoxically not having a plan both make her anxious. Just tell her the ball is in her court, if you bother speaking to her again.

Funkyfuno · 26/05/2021 19:41
  • and agree it could've been a financial issue, and she didn't want to admit but your insistence annoyed her
HarebrightCedarmoon · 26/05/2021 19:43

I can only bear traipsing round the shops if there is a nice lunch. I'd rather have a nice long lunch, a few drinks and sack off the shopping.

Thehop · 26/05/2021 19:44

@SkodaKodiaq I’m West Yorkshire, don’t go making plans and forgetting to invite everyone 😂

SilverGoblin · 26/05/2021 19:45

If you were posting that your boyfriend screamed at you no matter how hard you tried to acquiesce to his wishes, he would be labeled an abusive cunt and you would be unanimously advised to dump him and move on.

This is no different. Toxic behaviour is just that, no matter who in your life is delivering it.

Cut her from your life and go out with the friends who don't scream at you or leave you dangling.

She can experience what it is like to alienate everyone because she has asked for that by her nasty selfish behaviour.