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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has just blocked me,aibu to think I've done nothing wrong?

323 replies

louisabb · 26/05/2021 17:10

I don't understand when my friend has outbursts like this.
Friday we had organised to meet up for a look around the shops and I said lunch.
Lately she's been saying she has no appetite and likes nibbly food.
So I found 3 places and sent her the menu and asked if she liked the look of them.
She said "it's only Wednesday,I'm not deciding yet"
Then said "actually I just want to get a sandwich"
I said "oh no worries,I'm fancying more a hot meal so how about we find a nice pub that does sandwiches plus a choice of meals"
No reply.
Then a hour later she rang me angry
"I don't like to plan anything,I've got no interest in food "
I said "ok well why did you organise it with me"
She said "oh there you go blaming me"
I said "I'm not sure what the problem is,I was just trying to find somewhere you liked"
She replied "I like nowhere"
I said "sorry I'm a bit confused,do you want to cancel Friday ?"
She said "oh blaming me for wanting to cancel(she swore ) hung up and blocked me on WhatsApp

What did I do?

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 26/05/2021 20:39

@NativityDreaming

I think she sounds mentally unwell. I hope she can get the help she needs.
Totally agree. Her messages sound like something is not right there.
MajorMakeover · 26/05/2021 20:41

I just wouldn’t entertain a high maintenance friend like that. She’s too much drama.

grapewine · 26/05/2021 20:41

If she's always like this, I'd leave her to it. Doesn't sound like a friendship at all.

Mummytemping · 26/05/2021 20:41

@ChatterMonkey

Sounds like she has issues around food, is there a possibility of an eating disorder?

Seems strange that shes been talking about only eating small meals, and has had an outburst about going out for a meal in public.

That was my first thought too
ElephantsNest · 26/05/2021 20:44

Is it the money if she doesn’t work? Could she be in debt even? She does sound like hard work but something sounds wrong so if she’s a friend it is worth trying to find out what’s wrong.

Paintedmaypole · 26/05/2021 20:46

nicegerbil - she's lost 3 stones which is fantastic loosing a lot of weight isn't necessarily a fantastic thing, you don't even know whether she was overweight to begin with. OP, she does sound mentally unwell at present but that isn't an excuse to treat you like shit. I would back off and spend time with other friends. If she comes back and asks for help in a proper way then support her but you don't have to take verbal abuse.

LadyLolaRuben · 26/05/2021 20:49

People with mental health issues especially during a bad bought of it struggle to plan ahead, as they dont know how they'll be feeling on the day. Mood swings and sudden changing of plans are also examples of this when the do it frequently. My guess is anxiety which is also causing an eating disorder of some sort. You've done nothing wrong. Give her time to cool down and let her come back to you if and when she's ready x

NiceGerbil · 26/05/2021 20:49

Well the OP mentioned the weight loss and presumably at that point would have mentioned it was too much/ not needed/ she was worried about her.

Jumpingintosummer · 26/05/2021 20:50

Your friend clearly has more than a few issues. She is not your responsibility, you seem to have been a good friend but I would be leaving her to it now.

littlemissmagic · 26/05/2021 20:50

Also worried about your friend's health - sounds very much like the behaviour around an eating disorder.
She is potentially acting this way because she is mentally unwell, not because she is high maintenance. She needs your support and love.
Another poster has suggested reaching out. I would also suggest looking at the BEAT website or giving them a call to ask how to help her.
If you can't manage this maybe get in touch with her family.

AdelindSchade · 26/05/2021 20:52

I couldn't be bothered with this OP. It sounds entrenched and longstanding, not like some sort of out of character blip that you could support her with. You've done nothing wrong.

1Morewineplease · 26/05/2021 20:53

She's victimising herself.
Leave her be for a while.
Maybe just suggest a drink or coffee next time.

skodadoda · 26/05/2021 20:55

@Acupofcamus

Does she have an eating disorder? That was honestly my first thought.
My first thought too. A lot of the comments seem to be harsh o OP and not listening to her.
chocolateorangeinhaler · 26/05/2021 20:55

Is she avoiding eating? So this is just a big thing to divert you away from the problem?

Christinayangtwistedsister · 26/05/2021 20:57

If she doesn't work how the hell can she afford shopping and lunches?

Original poster
louisabb · 26/05/2021 21:01

I don't know if she caused the argument so she would get out of meeting on friday.
So she doesn't have to eat.

OP posts:
SallyCinnabon · 26/05/2021 21:02

My pennies worth OP

I think she has an eating disorder or anxiety about eating for some reason. Seems to me she didn’t want to go to a pub in case you forced food on her. Only you know whether she’s always been like this or it’s a more recent thing.

maddiemookins16mum · 26/05/2021 21:03

You seem to have kept on about the food aspect.
There’s an issue there.

JackANackAnoreeee · 26/05/2021 21:05

Either she has a mental health problem she's hiding or she's an annoying drama queen. If she did want to be spontaneous the normal thing would be to just textback saying 'can we just see what we fancy on the day?'.

ElderMillennial · 26/05/2021 21:08

I'm suprised so many PPs seem to think your friend's behaviour is justified.

She sounds like a pain in the arse. Don't bother with her.

FunMcCool · 26/05/2021 21:08

@louisabb sorry to double post but is this the friend who you pre ordered food for and then she cancelled you and didn’t pay for the food or something like that?

pissface · 26/05/2021 21:09

Personally I think she sounds like the problem not you. If I don't want food I will go sit with someone and have something small or a drink 🤷🏻‍♀️ not go off on one.

Hardertobreathe · 26/05/2021 21:16

@louisabb

I don't know if she caused the argument so she would get out of meeting on friday. So she doesn't have to eat.
Yeah maybe she has ED. Offer to just stick to shopping and meet her after you’ve had lunch so she doesn’t feel stressed/pressured around food? Helping her re an ED is another issue.
Anonymous48 · 26/05/2021 21:26

How old are you both? To be honest, this sounds like the way 13 year old girls would interact, not grown women.

Anyway, why are you friends with this person? It seems obvious you don't like her. What are you getting out of this relationship?

MoshiMoshiSushi · 26/05/2021 21:43

Sorry to hear of your difficulties here but wanted to say I would be concerned for your friend. Lots of people are struggling with mental health issues in particular following the pandemic. Hearing she is on her own and behaving in a way that has left her isolated suggests she is not in the best frame of mind. You sound a lovely friend to have continued in spite of the challenges. I very much doubt it is anything about you, and everything about her, so I hope you can feel less hurt by that thought. I know she has blocked you but perhaps just let her know you are there and then enjoy the relative peace for now. If anyone ever lashes out it is wise to give them space but let them know you are there. Too many people are left to sit with their negative thoughts.

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