Page 37 | To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

saltyskies8 · 2021-05-25T15:18:04+00:00

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city. DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem. I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life? FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

Tealightsandd · 26/05/2021 20:23

What are you going to do about it though if they are 27?

She obviously can't stop her adult child supporting violent crime, but she doesn't have to be supportive of or happy about it.

OhDear2200 · 26/05/2021 20:29

Not read the whole thread and having used E , speed and weed as a teen/early 20s I can’t be to judgy.

However I now work with vulnerable young people. And as a result feel anger at middle class ‘20 somethings’ who just do some at social events, because you know everyone does it.

So what that girls and boys are exploited and abused to make sure there is a supply.

This is what I struggle with.

I hope your DD and you don’t both getting fair trade tea etc.

Or care about the environment? Because you might want to read about how cocain production impacts the environment.

It’s the don’t give a crap about these issues when it comes to drugs that pisses me right off.

As an aside as someone above said also why we need to change our laws.

Weemovitchski · 26/05/2021 20:34

Well, if it's any consolation, all the naice young Hooray's who went to the nuptials were taking rock star quality cocaine

Prinzy · 26/05/2021 20:35

@bertiebiscuit, you say she has lost her moral compass, due to supporting the drug trade and it's effects.

you know the phone, car, supermarket, bank, internet provider, airline, battery, coffee, sugar, social media, shampoo, soap, loo roll, hospital (virgin care/ bupa), medicine, petrol, et al that you no doubt use all the time, are also involved in the exact same morally questionable practices as the drug trade.

i mean hell! the governments that millions of people vote for each year just in this country, are involved in the same morally questionable practices.

unles you live off grid, own your own land, and pretty much shut yourself off from the entire world, chances are, you have regularly supported a morally questionable trade, over and over and over again. it is the sad reality of the modern worker-consumer life we all live in.

oh and before you say one is illegal and one isn't, i invite you to simply google individually, the names of all the institutions/corporations (not directly) refered to above; and such words like; controversey, or illegal. you will find they have all broken legislation. e.g. google;

unilver controversey
virgin court case
British Petroluem fraud
barclays controversey
bank of england interest rigging
and so on and so forth

it must also be stressed that legislation is not law, so the activity of buying drugs is against a political party policy only, and breaks no law of man.

it seems topical that you seem to cherry pick morals and apply them subjectively to fit your narrative.

somebody that supports the drug trade through buying drugs, is no morally worse off than somebody who banks with HSBC or shops in Selfridges.

Barney60 · 26/05/2021 20:44

Am shocked ! NO way would i be happy about this.

angela99999 · 26/05/2021 20:45

A lot of us used "soft" drugs when we were young, including me, but we grew up and grew out of it. (Most people I know just smoked a milder version of cannabis). I'd be extremely concerned about cocaine use. It is addictive, very expensive and destroys lives. My DS almost married someone who, unknown to him, had this problem and it destroyed their relationship. She is living a very sad, disjointed life now.

pacino · 26/05/2021 20:49

@ERFFER

people have lived sheltered lives, here!?

Some people take drugs, some don’t t
Some people take drugs only at the weekend or at a gig/party /( done a few weddings where the bride and groom have done a line to get through the long day lol. I would’ve just had a coffee,myself)
Some people have a joint after a hard long stressful day , some have a glass of wine.
I don’t think it’s “normal “but neither is it unheard of.

Long as she’s no doing it every weekend or can’t enjoy a night out without it?
Like, if she’s happy enough with a few wines on an average night, but if she’s on a Biggie : she would do some?
It’s when the can’t function or conceive of a night out without any, then that’s an issue...

I’ve never been into it. (Been plenty of drunk benders lol is that any better ?) but DH recreationally in his 20s , grew out of it in his late 20s. He’s got mates in mid 30s that will still “party” hard every few months.

I’d just ask( if your DH needs to hear it) the above? Long as it’s not a need and just a buzz.

also , who on Earth think that the OP somehow controls her offspring ,still? FFS.

Very measured response 👍🏻

UglyBoy19 · 26/05/2021 20:54

She’s normal and she’ll grow out of it.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 26/05/2021 20:55

[quote Prinzy]@bertiebiscuit, you say she has lost her moral compass, due to supporting the drug trade and it's effects.

you know the phone, car, supermarket, bank, internet provider, airline, battery, coffee, sugar, social media, shampoo, soap, loo roll, hospital (virgin care/ bupa), medicine, petrol, et al that you no doubt use all the time, are also involved in the exact same morally questionable practices as the drug trade.

i mean hell! the governments that millions of people vote for each year just in this country, are involved in the same morally questionable practices.

unles you live off grid, own your own land, and pretty much shut yourself off from the entire world, chances are, you have regularly supported a morally questionable trade, over and over and over again. it is the sad reality of the modern worker-consumer life we all live in.

oh and before you say one is illegal and one isn't, i invite you to simply google individually, the names of all the institutions/corporations (not directly) refered to above; and such words like; controversey, or illegal. you will find they have all broken legislation. e.g. google;

unilver controversey
virgin court case
British Petroluem fraud
barclays controversey
bank of england interest rigging
and so on and so forth

it must also be stressed that legislation is not law, so the activity of buying drugs is against a political party policy only, and breaks no law of man.

it seems topical that you seem to cherry pick morals and apply them subjectively to fit your narrative.

somebody that supports the drug trade through buying drugs, is no morally worse off than somebody who banks with HSBC or shops in Selfridges.[/quote]
morally questionable practices to describe what disgusting abuses and atrocities happen in order for some white middle class people to have a “good weekend” has to be the understatement of the thread

DdraigGoch · 26/05/2021 20:56

@Walkaround

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Why do people try to argue for the legalisation of illegal drugs on the basis that alcohol is legal and phenomenally harmful?

This. So much whataboutery on this thread.

For all those posters who say "everyone I knew did it", have you ever stopped to consider why when all the evidence shows that it is very much a minority pursuit?

Perhaps your clean friends walked away.

It might be common in a minority of "work hard, play hard middle-class occupations but that doesn't make it 'normal' in society.

By the way, I hardly drink much. A couple of glasses with a Sunday meal, no more. Not even every Sunday, thanks to shift work. At work I often come across people with drink problems. Whether it's alcoholics swigging from cans at 9am or binge-drinkers on race days they are all incredibly tedious to deal with. I look down upon them all. Just as I look down on the druggies - the police are often with us in plain clothes on County lines operations.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 26/05/2021 21:02

It is an odd argument

Alcohol is more damaging and has more people dying of abuse of it, but also, legalise drugs because of this.

If we legalise drugs and they become as mainstream and acceptable as alcohol is, what do they think is going to happen? Surely just the same over indulgence, over dependence, deaths, hospitalisations, violence, crime and all the other problems that come with alcoholism.

DdraigGoch · 26/05/2021 21:07

@ThursdayWeld

Maybe some of the more outraged posters on this thread should move to Scotland, where the SNP apparently want to loosen drug laws

Given the other batshit policies proposed by the SNP, I view that as a reason to avoid it.

Rejoiningperson · 26/05/2021 21:21

There is a very good argument for drugs being decriminalised. However I don’t think that means that we can get them at Tesco’s (or any other well known supermarket... )

It still doesn’t mean it’s healthy to take drugs, we are all quite finely tuned brains on the whole, and messing with them too much is not always wise. Including large amounts of alcohol.

Redissuereader · 26/05/2021 21:22

I reckon there’s such a massive difference in the lives of those that live in small towns than those that live and work in big cities. I’ve done recreational drugs a handful of times but it is absolutely part of life in my affluent suburb that all the friends I’ve grown up with. Some are partners in top firms, lots still do even though they’re parents themselves. I don't anymore I feel like being a parent has made me “grow up” about it, but it certainly isn’t uncommon. I reckon I could poll my child’s class parents and around 40-50% will have used recreational drugs at some point

murbblurb · 26/05/2021 21:25

No one is perfect. Electric cars are really shit for someone else's environment. But no one needs to take illegal drugs - one of the posh scum mentioned on this thread are needing medical cannabis.

Minimise the harm. Don't buy illegal drugs, you are Selfish scum if you do. These posh kids need to own it, not make excuses.

Mugsen · 26/05/2021 21:27

@Redissuereader

I reckon there’s such a massive difference in the lives of those that live in small towns than those that live and work in big cities. I’ve done recreational drugs a handful of times but it is absolutely part of life in my affluent suburb that all the friends I’ve grown up with. Some are partners in top firms, lots still do even though they’re parents themselves. I don't anymore I feel like being a parent has made me “grow up” about it, but it certainly isn’t uncommon. I reckon I could poll my child’s class parents and around 40-50% will have used recreational drugs at some point

People who live in small towns don't hide away there. They have jobs, friends and family in cities and have lived in cities themselves.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 26/05/2021 21:32

It’s not normal, most people have finished experimenting with drugs in their early 20s. If she has bothered to mention it, it’s because it’s not just occasional use. Anyway - you can’t influence her decisions / just keep an eye out for her health and ask about her financial well being as well - saving a deposit for a house? Not if she’s putting it up her nose....

CrankyFrankie · 26/05/2021 21:39

YANBU but where coke is involved, especially ‘nights out and in’, it’s usually a regular thing / bordering on a problem as it is so addictive and generally just the pits. I think covid has probably done you all a favour here but I’d definitely engage her in deeper discussion about this. Time to worry less about being a ‘cool mum’ and more about your daughter potentially falling into the clutches of a grim drug and lifestyle. I think gently highlighting the ethical (ie killing Colombians) and health implications is the way to go.

Morgan12 · 26/05/2021 21:39