To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

@Flowerclock

I've never taken drugs OP, in my teens or 20s.

In some ways you're right. People on here will crow on about drugs while knocking back a bottle of wine a night. So they can't really judge on the health aspects.

But, knowing personally how drugs are brought into the country, how they are distributed and how they are sold to even high end buyers, I would not be happy for my child to use them. But if you are OK with your DC sniffing something that's been up five crackheads arseholes, foreskins and vaginas then don't let anyone on MN stop you.

Crack heads arseholes did give me a laugh and a much needed one at that

Any bad batch cd kill her, it just takes 1, to any random person. if you're fine with that and so is she ... if her friends take from the same batch they would all be dead. no skin off my nose. Its illegal for a reason.

I'd be much more worried over here in North America, where fentanyl has tainted the drug supply and people are dying of overdoses daily due to it. In the UK I would not be so concerned- though it's not my DD! But my DH did MDMA every weekend until he was about 25 and he managed to get a PhD and become an upstanding citizen.

There's also a lot of misinformation on this thread. MDMA in particular is relatively low on the harm scale. Its really nothing like heroin. It's one of the psychedelics that is showing great promise in treating PTSD and mental health issues. In clinical use, these drugs will probably be in regular use for treating depression and addiction within a generation. Imperial College is one of the biggest centres researching these drugs.

I used a lot of cocaine in the early 80's. My father had the occasional line. Regularly smoked hash. I don't anymore, but my father who is now 83 still smokes a joint when he wants. I am sure my daughter has done the same. She is a responsible adult working in the music business and has probably seen it all. At one point her grandfather suggested her cousin, who had joined the Met might live with her... 'Are you out of your mind??? All my friends will be busted...'

[quote MasterBeth]“A report on the latest trends in illicit drug use suggests that 5.3% of people aged between 15 and 34 in the UK took cocaine in 2018, the most recent year for which records are available.“

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/sep/22/uk-had-highest-number-of-young-cocaine-users-in-europe-last-year-report?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other[/quote]
From a PP. Not exactly 'normal' it seems.

@Pinkylemons

I think it’s pretty usual. I’m in my 50’s and it was the same when I was in my 20’s. Everyone I knew were taking E’s or LSD on a night out.

Saying that I would be a bit concerned. There’s so much crap out there mixed with god knows what. I don’t, however, think you’re deluded.

I'm nearly 66 and it was the same for me, although Es weren't a thing until I was 30-ish. Cocaine was though, and we got through plenty.

My DM knew and was pretty cool about it. She found it hilarious that we would get off our tits and play bridge all night.

She was much more concerned when my DB, 10 years younger, dabbled in sniffing glue.

Illegal drugs are fine in theory, but there is no ingredient list & the reality is the user can never be sure of what is actually in the ‘bag’. 1990’s after a massive drugs (cannabis) bust there was an inexplicable increase in people turning up at drug clinics, these people were confused - they only smoked cannabis. Turned out because there was a shortage the dealers were mixing in heroin. Chemical drugs, if stored in the wrong conditions can change.. you need to talk to your daughter about this - you are her mother, not a wide eyed mate!

@mogsrus

i see her use as entirely normal,you say, so here hoping she doesn't move on to worse stuff, sorry but you are totally deluded,speaking as someone who waited for the phone call that happily never came,but it was seriously close. my nephew took his family to hell,& my brother came close to taking his own life because of him. take heed

THIS

@EYProvider

Druggies are terrible parents and that includes occasional drug users.

Ask any adult whose parent took drugs what it is like being the child of a druggie.

Of course, the OP’s daughter is an adult and can do what she likes. Who cares if she takes drugs? Evidently not her own mother, which is very sad. But if she has children of her own, neither she nor her mother should kid themselves that those children will be unaffected. Children of drug users - like all traumatised children - have behavioural problems, and those problems present as SEN.

I don’t have to argue about that on here - I know it to be a fact.

Honestly this is a load of shite.
I know drug users and their children are fine.

Alcohol drinkers are terrible parents and that includes occasional alcohol drinkers.

You see how daft that sounds?

Oh and my dealer, who lived in South Kensington made so much money before the Royal Wedding, Charles and Diana from her peer group, he was able to take a year off and go to Australia.

@Owlina

Does your daughter give a fuck about the damage the drug industry causes?

This is just a point in favour for why it should be legalised.

I agree.

Most of the harm, crime etc cause by drug use would be massively reduced if drugs were legalised and regulated. And think of the revenue if recreational drugs were taxed!

@saltyskies8

I have a dd in her early 20s and I'm 100% sure she doesn't take drugs. I doubt her friends do either

Oh dear, this is laughably naive, I don't think any parent can be 100% sure as to what their adult children are or aren't doing, lets be honest!

The fact you are so sure this is “normal” shows how skewed your thinking is . I think you’re confused between those who have experimented with drugs in their late teens /20’s and those who take them every weekend they go out . It’s not naive to think that not all 20 somethings are on coke, it’s bloody offensive to insinuate that it’s “what they all do”.

Even if you don't mind your dd breaking the law, the cocaine trade she is supporting is evil - involving murder, sex trafficking and the destruction of whole communities around the world - you have both lost any moral compass or value system - shocking

@Weemovitchski

Oh and my dealer, who lived in South Kensington made so much money before the Royal Wedding, Charles and Diana from her peer group, he was able to take a year off and go to Australia.

I love how you sound proud of this ..”oh, and my dealer..” Gross

I live in london. It’s common amongst those in their 30s/40s (don’t know about the younger or older age groups) & I’m talking about educated, well rounded adults with good jobs & children in private schools. Not sure how many sudden deaths there are due to cocaine or mdma use but I bet a lot (not all!) of the people calling occasional users stupid are regular consumers of alcohol &/or cigarettes, which are terribly bad for your health, despite being legal. 🙃

Great post 😊

“She and her friends are well aware of and don’t give a shit aboutthe ethical issues”

Most of the harm, crime etc cause by drug use would be massively reduced if drugs were legalised and regulated. And think of the revenue if recreational drugs were taxed!

But it isn't legal is it?

@ElevenSmiles

Yep...Lets legalise drugs...more addicts, more deaths, more misery some people are off their fucking heads.

Legalise cannabis, we are buying deadly drugs in the supermarket all the time yet cannabis is class B....maddness

@pacino

I live in london. It’s common amongst those in their 30s/40s (don’t know about the younger or older age groups) & I’m talking about educated, well rounded adults with good jobs & children in private schools. Not sure how many sudden deaths there are due to cocaine or mdma use but I bet a lot (not all!) of the people calling occasional users stupid are regular consumers of alcohol &/or cigarettes, which are terribly bad for your health, despite being legal. 🙃

There's 9 million people in London. A few privileged people do not represent the majority. Or even every educated 'well rounded' 30/40 living in London.

Drug taking is hardly a London specific thing. I've lost count of the number of people I know and posts I've seen on MN saying drug taking is a big issue in rural market towns and villages.

You don't think there's many deaths due to cocaine? If you live in London you must know of the many deaths linked to cocaine. The gang violence - the shootings, the stabbings, are a near daily blight on the lives of the less privileged - families and communities who suffer the consequences of 'well rounded' people taking the drugs.

If people want to take drugs, they need to present their argument and campaign for legalisation - with taxes paid on the sale and an end to violent drug gang turf wars.

I don't know if legalisation is a good idea, but what definitely isn't ok is to contribute to the violent crime causing so much damage to communities.

No way would I normalise this or be happy my children were wasting cash and risking their mental health. Mdma is not a light drug.

@aquashiv

No way would I normalise this or be happy my children were wasting cash and risking their mental health. Mdma is not a light drug.

What are you going to do about it though if they are 27?

It probably is very normal in her social group, we tend to surround ourselves with people who do the same type of thing. Is it normal for most people in their 20s? I'd say the chances are high.
You have already mentioned the crime associated with drugs. I wonder if you would be have such a dismissive attitude to the crime, if this directly impacted on your daughter's life? They impact on other people's daughter's and son's lives. Drugs don't magically appear in your pocket, you have to source them via a dealer. These guys are fine when you are lining their pockets. Hopefully she doesn't start owing them money. The other thing is, if they all "chip in" and one person sources the drugs and then passes them on to others, they then become a "dealer". As long as no one dies or becomes seriously ill, that dealing tends not to be an issue.
You may want to mention, any "actions and consequences" committed in your 20s, can very easily follow you into your 30s, 40s and further. This would not go down well in any profession.

Think about it his way OP - she will look to you for structure, even in her twenties - she looks to you for boundaries.

Your husband is right. You don’t have to dictate or ‘lecture’ her - but you are the one set of people she trusts to have her back. So have her back and don’t pretend that this is healthy for her. It’s not. Yes she may get through it fine, many do, but taking strong drugs like smarties has a darker side. Talk about it with her and just give her the structure she needs - which is that really it’s better not to, if she possibly can. Or to do it less. Or to be more aware even if she carries on.

All of those things are much better than just saying ‘oh it’s okay’ to her.