I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable

[DoolallyBinzes]

There is so much to this story but the bare bones of it are that when I was with my ex we borrowed money from my Mum to pay our rent. We had only paid a small amount of it back when he left me. I had no money, no job, nowhere to live and 3 children to look after.
10 years later, Mum has died and my brother says I have to pay all the money back. I’m happy to pay half but I don’t see why I should pay for my ex’s share especially when he now has plenty of money.

If your mum didn’t stipulate any payment plan to pay her back then the debt dies with her surely?
In fairness if she’s leaving an amount to you or a share you could take the amount you owed her off that. It depends what her view over the last ten years has been about it all. Your ex can’t pay back a dead person?

And neither can the OP.

Pay the money back to whom? Your mother isn't around to receive it.

Your brother thinks you should pay it back to who - him? Assuming your mum didn’t cut you out of her will, surely some part of what you owed would be coming back to you anyway, but regardless he has no way to enforce this - did you have any kind of written agreement with your mum? So sorry for your loss

Why is it up to your brother? If your mother had passed away, I think the debt ends with her.

Condolences OP.
Always sad when families start to fall out over money after a loss. I can see where your brother is coming from here. Unless you have something in writing with your ex to say that he is jointly liable, it was in reality you that your mum lent the money to, not your ex.

What does her will say? Does it mention this money?

Did your Mum pay your rent for 10 years? That would be a staggering amount of money and I can see that your brother might feel he'd lost out if the will just divides her estate between you. But I would get legal advice.

I have to say I don't think legally he has much of a case for you to pay back any of it.

OP who receives any funds? And is your brother your mum’s Power of Attorney?

I assume your mum left a will leaving you a half share each. If she wanted paying back she could have accounted for this in her will by leaving more to your brother.
You have a right to what she has left you in the will.

Who has inherited from your mother’s estate?

YABU to have left it 10yrs to be paid back. Yes you should have repaid the entire amount, even your exes, as the money was lent as you were her child, your ex just happened to benefit.

YANBU to think the now she has died the debt has been written off.

My PIL have lent a huge amount to SIL over the years. They always tell us this, and say "Don't worry, SIL will remember to make recompense for this sum when we die".
In reality my DH knows this won't happen and we count our blessings we haven't been in need of loans from PIL. I think your brother should try to get a similar attitude.

Sorry about your mum.

Is this about your brother wanting to deduct what you ‘owed’ your mum out of any inheritance you are due?

If so it’s very unreasonable and surely not in any way enforceable.

Who exactly would you be paying back?

Given that this was 10 years ago, unless there is a trail of reminders from your mum saying "don't forget you owe me £x,xxx when are you going to pay me back", I would think that it is reasonable to assume that your mum converted the original loan into a gift when it was clear that you were not in a position to repay.

If she had wanted to deduct the amount of this loan from your inheritance she had 10 years in which to do do.

In the absence of these things your brother is being totally unreasonable.

It’s nothing to do with your brother - if your mum didn’t arrange retun payments for you when she was alive then you have to assume she didn’t wish to have it taken out of whatever money she has left.

Did you have a written contract (whether that’s just text exchanges etc) on repayments and what would happen in the event of her death? Could you really not afford to repay your mum in the 10 years before her death?

If your brother is the executor of the will he has a responsibility to collect and pay any debts before the estate is distributed.

Whether this debt is still due is hard to say. The mother may have written it off in the 10 years, but we don't know that. It might be possible to pursue the ex for his half but I imagine it would depend on how informal the loan was.

How much are we talking?

There is a thing called the statue of limitations which is 6 years in the UK. If the debt hasn't been referred to in 6 years then it is statue barred as in cancelled. So was there a repayment plan or was it not discussed or even mentioned by your mum. Not sure if it can be applied in this case. If your brother is the executor he is legally obliged to carry out your mother's wishes.

I am the Executor of Mum’s will. Her estate (house) is equally shared between me and my 2 brothers. One brother wants me to pay the money back to the estate. He had independent Power of Attorney as did I but hasn’t mentioned this money until now. The house is being sold.
I have been able to pay the money back over the last 5 years but I was looking after Mum’s account. Sadly she had dementia so totally forgot about the money. She did sign a letter saying she had lent the money to me and my husband.

The amount is just under £6,000.

Sorry for your loss

Your last post is confusing. Have you paid it all back? Or not? If not, YABU to expect to get away with not paying back the loan. Your ex is irrelevant, you’re never getting the money off him. She was your mother so it’s your responsibility to repay her/her estate

Your mum lent the money to YOU. Not to your ex who was nothing to her. To YOU. So YOU are liable to repay her the full amount. Whether you still owe the money now she’s gone is a different matter. Personally I’d say it’s fair for you to repay £2000 to each brother and keep the other £2000 as your share from the inheritance.

I’m sorry for your loss. It bites but I think you need to cough up the whole amount or get that much less from her estate. Your mother gave the money to you for you and your husband. Personally I’d just tell your brothers to subtract that amount from your inheritance and call it done.