I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable

[DoolallyBinzes]

There is so much to this story but the bare bones of it are that when I was with my ex we borrowed money from my Mum to pay our rent. We had only paid a small amount of it back when he left me. I had no money, no job, nowhere to live and 3 children to look after.
10 years later, Mum has died and my brother says I have to pay all the money back. I’m happy to pay half but I don’t see why I should pay for my ex’s share especially when he now has plenty of money.

If there is enough money when the house is sold, although this may not be the correct legal requirement,you should receive £4000 less so the split of money received is overall equal. Your ex doesn't come into it.

Op I would just pay them the 4k back and I would go very low contact with the brother who is wanting you to pay back. Shows who he is.

@DoolallyBinzes

I am the Executor of Mum’s will. Her estate (house) is equally shared between me and my 2 brothers. One brother wants me to pay the money back to the estate. He had independent Power of Attorney as did I but hasn’t mentioned this money until now. The house is being sold. I have been able to pay the money back over the last 5 years but I was looking after Mum’s account. Sadly she had dementia so totally forgot about the money. She did sign a letter saying she had lent the money to me and my husband.

Sorry for your loss.

If you’ve been paying back the loan over 5 years, what proportion of the original loan has been repaid?

My grandparents helped my uncle a lot over the years and not my mum because he needed it and she didn’t. That was their choice and their money to spend how they wished. Their estate was split equally between the two siblings and I can’t imagine my mum ever asking for recompense of any sort.

I do think over the years, the money given to my uncle was spoken about as lent/borrowed money which might have given the impression of it being a loan, but I don’t think he was ever asked to pay it back. If you’re mum never asked for it back after all those years, I don’t think your brothers should be asking for it.

Sorry for your loss.

Your brother is being exceptionally petty. If you're all inheriting a third share of a house, even if it's a relatively cheap one, this £2k either way is neither here nor there and, like a PP says, maybe he should be thankful that he's got through life without the sort of difficulties that you've suffered that means you've needed help from your DM to pay basic living expenses.

I bet the brother who wants you to repay this debt is in a much better financial position than you anyway?

My mum has leant me and DH some money for a car, we are paying her back monthly, she asked in the event of her death to make sure I factor that in when money is divvied out (very morbid as she's only 50s lol), although not formalised anywhere. Although it was DH's and my car if we split I would see it as up to me to ensure my brother didn't lose out from the loan, what I did to settle with DH and I is a separate matter.

£6000 is a lot of money, I do think you should ensure your brother hasn't lost out as a result of your loan if that's what your mum requested, whether he legally has a right, I don't know.

The Ex isn't irrelevant. He's wealthy. It was a joint loan. If the brothers had any guts they could try and get the whole amount from him rather than alienating their lovely sister.

I have been able to pay the money back over the last 5 years but I was looking after Mum’s account. Sadly she had dementia so totally forgot about the money. She did sign a letter saying she had lent the money to me and my husband.

I'm sorry but this reads as though you deliberately chose not to pay the money back (even though you were able to) because you decided (as the person in charge of your mum's account) that she didn't need the money and she, sadly, wasn't able to remember it herself. If this is correct, that's pretty cynical, and I don't blame your brother for wanting you to pay it back now.

@Cactusesi but why on earth would the DBs get involved with trying to get money back from the ex? They didn't borrow the money and nor did they have the original relationship with them.

It sounds as if the estate can cover paying back the amount to make things equal and that seems like the fairest thing to do.

We don't have the whole story here, for example if OP had the means to pay back the loan over recent years. Or another scenario OP may have provided a lot more hands on help than the DBs in which case it's only right and proper that the debt be erased.

If you do pay it back you would owe 4K not 6k, seeing as the debt would be split between the three of you

Personally I think your brother is being petty though, if my sibling had been in great need of something I wouldn’t begrudge them. But I would pay it back now to keep the peace.

If you could have paid it back but didn't, when your mum specifically signed a document to say it was a loan, then surely you know that, morally, you were wrong not to do so.
If seems that you relied on your mum's dementia to not bother paying it back.

It will cost you £4,000 to even up the inheritance. Only £1000 more than you consider to be your 'share' of what you as a couple benefited from. I'd just do it.

You were paying back the money until she forgot about it because of her dementia?! She also had a letter drawn up to prove she lent it to you? You really ought to have repaid it by now (5 years). You took advantage of her, that was wrong of you. Your brother knows this. Is it worth falling out over? Normally debt ends when the person dies, but I can see you all falling out over this. If it were me, I'd ask for it to be taken from my share of the house sale money.

@justcannotwithyou

If the OP owes 6k to the estate, she should only give her brothers 2k each, as the remaining 2k would go to her anyway. They do not get 3k each extra.

Exactly

Speak to a solicitor. If the letter specified it was a loan and it's not been discharged, it could easily be seen as an IOU against her estate.

To be honest, it's 6k, I wouldn't want the stress of dealing with it.
"Hey Bro 1 & 2. I owed mum £6k when she died. As her estate is split 3 ways, between us, you two should have 2k each extra from the estate.
So I had an advance of 2k, and that way you're not losing out either.
Hope that makes sense!"

I really wouldn't be arguing with people and dealing with additional upset for 4k.

I have been able to pay the money back over the last 5 years but I was looking after Mum’s account. Sadly she had dementia so totally forgot about the money. you should have been paying her back during that time. Not just left it because she forgot. I'm in a similar position and while it's not legally binding my parent asked that I take into account the amount left to pay back if it isn't paid back before they die. I think that's only fair. And the ex isn't involved now, so you owe it.

From a legal standpoint he probably doesn't have a case. Being petty AF, too.

Having an ex is irrelevant unless your mum specifically wrote I am loaning OP £3k and separately loaning OP's partner £3k. She wanted to keep a roof over your head and that of her grandchildren.

The fairest thing to do would be to pay 4k back into the estate (or take 2k less than each brother in inheritance). Not repaying it because your mum forgot about it is a bit off - she had dementia.

Have you paid the money back or not? If so how much?

How much is the estate?

@Donitta

Your mum lent the money to YOU. Not to your ex who was nothing to her. To YOU. So YOU are liable to repay her the full amount. Whether you still owe the money now she’s gone is a different matter. Personally I’d say it’s fair for you to repay £2000 to each brother and keep the other £2000 as your share from the inheritance.

Completely agree, this is the fairest way. It's not worth falling out with your brothers over £4k.

@LemonRoses

You are the executor. You decide what happens to the estate (including cancelling debts, if you want) and how best to interpret the contents of the will. Your brother does not even have a right to see the will until after probate has been granted and it becomes public. As executor, you have a responsibility to settle monies legitimately owed by the estate but beyond that, it is up to you to enact the will as you see best.

Do not do as this person suggests. Its terrible advise.

Legally you have to do things in the correct way and you absolutely cannot go around interpreting a will as you see fit. You have responsibilities, not rights.

If there is paperwork to show that this is a loan then it is owed to the estate. You don't need to physically pay it back, but it does need to be accounted for. As others have said that is best done by refucing your share by £4000 and the siblings having £2000 each.

The boyfriend is irrelevant.

It's nothing to do with your brother, it was an arrangement between you and your mum. Who would you pay it back to, your dad or the estate?

If your mum has left everything to you I can see why brother may feel bruised?

DD and her partner did almost exactly the same to me. She still owes me although her lifestyle is at least as good as mine - idk what she earns.

Not going to chase her for it but I’d expect it to be taken into account in any inheritance.