I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable

[DoolallyBinzes]

There is so much to this story but the bare bones of it are that when I was with my ex we borrowed money from my Mum to pay our rent. We had only paid a small amount of it back when he left me. I had no money, no job, nowhere to live and 3 children to look after.
10 years later, Mum has died and my brother says I have to pay all the money back. I’m happy to pay half but I don’t see why I should pay for my ex’s share especially when he now has plenty of money.

I have been able to pay the money back over the last 5 years but I was looking after Mum’s account so you paid it back but your brother's are calling you a liar?

Sorry for your loss OP. When my brother bought his first house our mum loaned him a similar amount to yours and during her life he paid her interest on it at the going mortgage rate, When she died, he deducted the amount from his share of the inheritance. Probably the only decent thing he's done in his life tbh but that's a whole other story. If I were you I'd deduct the loan from your share.

@SleepingStandingUp

I have been able to pay the money back over the last 5 years but I was looking after Mum’s account so you paid it back but your brother's are calling you a liar?

Ahh maybe I've misunderstood this bit, in which case I've been a bit harsh. If this is the case OP I'd print off the statements to go through with the solicitor so show you've paid it back.

Legally speaking they have no case. But morally then yes the money should be paid to the estste. Its an outdtsnding debt which you said you would pay and didn't. Not on.

OP, , there is a record saying that you owe it to her, in which case it should come out of your share of the estate. I think as it is £6K that is a large sum of money and your DB is right to ask you to pay it back.

All they need to do is split the money equally, then deduct £4K from your share and then split that between them, as you are entitled to your 1/3 of it, same as they are.

So you did pay it back. Bit confusing to say the least.

I'm sure the op would have been back by now if the loan had been paid off.

Also the op has said that she hasn't paid at least £3,000 because that was the boyfriend's share. Which it wasn't.

I suspect OP was making regular small payments which stalled.

@SleepingStandingUp

No. She has been in the financial position to afford to pay her mum back for about 5 years, but she didnt. Her mum got dementia, forgot about the debt and the OP took over her mum's finances. She didnt pay the money back because mum couldnt remember and she thought she could get away with it.

Taking advantage of elderly with dementia is one of the worst things a person can do. It should result in prison. It's so disgusting.

The debt after 6 years ... I'm not sure it would be beyond the statute of limitations. What does the letter your mum have you set out regarding the term of the debt and repayment? If it says the repayment date was more than 6 years ago and she chose never to action insisting/enforcing repayment then arguably the debt can't be pursued. (The 6 year limitation period runs from the date the contract was breached - so, not when the loan was entered into but when you failed to meet the repayment date. Otherwise everyone could just stop paying their mortgages after 6 years, I wish!) If there was no repayment date set out (and/or the letter doesn't provide that any unpaid element comes from the estate) then legally you will probably owe nothing.

That isnt true.
The mother was not a regulated lender
Payments had been made (so even if they were a regulated lender the above would not apply).

Clearly the situation is more complicated than meets the eye (there may even be abuse and there's clearly a reason why OP feels her mum was responsible for ex's share).

It's really difficult to say, given OP doesn't feel comfortable talking about it too much.

Hmm, I don't think op feels her mum was responsible for the boyfriend's debt, and why would she be. It's just the op doesn't think she (op) should be responsible.

I think you are being unreasonable as you are now going to inherit a proportion of the estate. You've already had 6K from the estate which you haven't paid back. Therefore it is fair and reasonable that the money you now receive from the house sale is reduced accordingly - ie. by 4K (because three people are inheriting). Each brother receives an extra 2K.

The fact that your ex was also benefiting from the borrowed money is irrelevant. He left and that would have been the time to insist on his share being paid back when sorting out finances for the separation.

Also why mention abuse. Following my daughter's abusive marriage I see domestic abuse all over mn and frequently call it out. The isn't even a hint of it here.

@knittingaddict

Eh.. yes there is.

Her mother fully intended for that money to be repaid. She got dementia and couldnt remember. So what did the OP do? She didnt pay it back, because mum couldn't remember to make her. The money still belonged to and was owed to the mum. The only reason it wasnt paid back is because the mum was ill and OP could get away with keeping it. This is a woman who has financially abused her dementia suffering mother.

So how much do you still owe her/the estate?

@knittingaddict

Hmm, I don't think op feels her mum was responsible for the boyfriend's debt, and why would she be. It's just the op doesn't think she (op) should be responsible.

I think most people understand that when a parent helps them with their rent, they're helping their child, not the child's partner. The partner just gets helped as he is there. So for OP to think she isn't responsible, something else must be at play here.

@knittingaddict

Also why mention abuse. Following my daughter's abusive marriage I see domestic abuse all over mn and frequently call it out. The isn't even a hint of it here.

I just mentioned it because it could be a possibility, given OP's reluctance to talk.

Of course you should pay it back! I really can’t understand why posters think it’s the brother who is being ‘tight’ for wanting the debt repaid but don’t think the OP is ‘tight’ for pocketing the money.

The OPs mum intended it as a loan so it’s a loan! Not a gift. The fact she forgot about it (because she had dementia) is irrelevant. The OP should have paid the money back when she could afford to. It was ‘tight’ of her not to bother.

Reasons I didn’t pay Mum back:- no money, on housing benefit; looking after Mum, on Carer’s Allowance; cancer, 6 months treatment, 6 months recovery; added the debt to the long list of money to be reconciled eventually.
My conscience is completely clear regarding Mum. She was a wonderful Mum and I wouldn’t have borrowed the money from her if she couldn’t have afforded it. I certainly never took advantage of her.
I’m going to pay the debt back into the estate. I feel it’s the right thing to do and I need to let go of my feelings of injustice regarding my ex.

Fair play OP, I’d pay it back too. Sorry you have gone through a rough time.

@DoolallyBinzes

Reasons I didn’t pay Mum back:- no money, on housing benefit; looking after Mum, on Carer’s Allowance; cancer, 6 months treatment, 6 months recovery; added the debt to the long list of money to be reconciled eventually. My conscience is completely clear regarding Mum. She was a wonderful Mum and I wouldn’t have borrowed the money from her if she couldn’t have afforded it. I certainly never took advantage of her. I’m going to pay the debt back into the estate. I feel it’s the right thing to do and I need to let go of my feelings of injustice regarding my ex.

Nice update, OP. You didn't seem like someone who takes advantage in your posts.

So you've has enough money for the last 5 years to pay her back.

Then you get a bashing for not doing so.

Now you say you couldnt afford to pay her back.

You could. She forgot due to dementia so you chose not to. You got caught by your brothers and still tried to get out of paying half of it. No.

The loan was to you. If you want to chase your ex for his half, that is between you and your ex. It isnt your mum's fault so yes, you absolutely need to pay it all back and apologise to your brothers for your nonsense.

That isnt true.
The mother was not a regulated lender
Payments had been made

It depends what the payment terms/period were and when they were first breached. We don’t know what was in the letter. However OP has since confirmed (or I missed it on first reading and assumed no repayments made) that she made some repayments and then stopped 5 years ago. If so that was the likely point of breach and the estate has 6 years from that date (i.e. one more year) to pursue her for the remaining debt - £6k less any repayments.

If she had never paid anything my (legal) answer would be different, but it might still depend on the repayment terms set out in the letter.

I agree that the ex is irrelevant. The money was lent to them as a couple, jointly and severally. The estate can pursue both or either but for practical reasons it won't be time or cost effective to pursue the ex.