To ask DH not to poo in our en-suite

[fizzioh]

For several months now DH has had a bit of a dodgy tum. He’s under the GP and it’s looking likely he has IBS.

On top of excessive (foul smelling) wind and very frequent toilet trips, his shit absolutely stinks.

I’m not expecting roses, but it’s far far beyond a normal smell.

He can easily fill the whole house with a stench when he goes to the toilet, which could easily be mistaken for a rotten dead animal.

I’ve asked him very kindly, and considerately, if for the foreseeable, and whilst he’s tum is still causing him issues, if he could hold off using the en-suite for a poo.

It’s just awful when he goes and our bedroom stinks for hours; even with the windows open and lots of air fresheners.

He’s told me it’s easier to use out en-suite in the middle of the night and he prefers that toilet in general, but when he goes there have been times the smell has woken me up and I have to sleep on the couch because I’m gagging!!!

I would leave my husband if he expected this of me. Sometimes in the night the pain of IBS has been so severe every step is like being stabbed in the gut. He's had to hold me up to get to the toilet on a few occasions.

Thankfully his only concern is if I'm ok. I wonder if people would be such twats over other conditions?

Poo Pourri. Brilliant stuff.

Can't comment on where he goes but have you tried this? It works miracles. Spray it up high in the room and it deodorises as it settles.

Oderase Bathroom Spray, 100 ml https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08D7CG9PC/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabc5KE8MWB6CF0MMPHNSQN4??encoding=UTF8&psc=1

He isn't shitting in your bedroom, he is using the ensuite with the door closed and the window open. Is he deliberately trying to upset you with this and just cant be bothered to use the other bathroom or is he unwell and just cannot make it in time. Poor guy. What would you do if you needed a sudden explosive poo or vomit in the night.

What treatment is the gp offering, charcoal tablets, anything to help ease the symptoms and pain.

@DogsSausages

What treatment is the gp offering, charcoal tablets, anything to help ease the symptoms and pain.

Do they work? They didn't on me, had no effect whatsoever.

The op's husband is a poor soul and must be feeling terribly unwholesome, bless him.

YANBU.

It's sick and twisted and nasty and vile to shit in the toilet in your en suite. Go to the normal bathroom FFS!

I may be overreacting, but it's just ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

@littlepattilou

YANBU.

It's sick and twisted and nasty and vile to shit in the toilet in your en suite. Go to the normal bathroom FFS!

I may be overreacting, but it's just ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

😂😂😂

I have to say I can't see the point of an en suite bathroom unless you, er, use it.

Worst case scenario and it really stinks, you leave a window open/light a match/light a scented candle.

I think if I had IBS and my other half was telling me where I could have a shit I'd feel really controlled.

Use some VIPoo spray.
We also have a designated pooing toilet in our house
I do feel for your DH, it must be so difficult for him and I get that with IBS the need to go can be very sudden.
However, the smell of someone else's shit waking me up would repulse me.

@Sassybeaa

Use some VIPoo spray. We also have a designated pooing toilet in our house I do feel for your DH, it must be so difficult for him and I get that with IBS the need to go can be very sudden. However, the smell of someone else's shit waking me up would repulse me.

The image of the OP being woken by the stench and staggering out of the bedroom seaching for fresh to end up having to sleep downstairs is making me laugh, but the reality is grim.

Unless he literally can’t make it, which appears not to be the case, then of course he should use the other loo. Yes he is ill but that doesn’t negate your need for sleep or a reasonable sleeping environment. Those posters who are saying it does are being very over dramatic.

I’d say a general ‘no using the en-suite over night because it disturbs the other person’ is best.

I’ve never seen the point of en-suites for this very reason. So unromantic to be shitting pretty much in the bedroom!

YANBU. My husband goes and uses the downstairs loo rather than the family bathroom, where it doesn't stink and where everyone who is still in bed can't hear him (loudly!) going for his morning 7am shit - he is like clockwork then everyone would be up and getting ready for school/work etc having to brush teeth in a stinking bathroom. He complains about this but has got used to it, and to be honest I don't understand why he was even OK with the whole family being able to hear him go and smell the aftermath anyway!!

You are only being unreasonable if he can't get to another toilet in time. Those people suggesting opening window, striking matches, etc have not experienced the problem to this extent - my mother's whole house used to be gagg inducing for hours after a bad attack. You have my sympathy and he needs to consider you too.

@BadNomad

How about this - just say the OP was pregnant with severe hyperemesis gravidarum and frequently need to rush to the bathroom to vomit. Would her partner be unreasonable to ask her to bypass the en suite and go use the main bathroom during the night because the stink of her vomit is disturbing his sleep?

I said that a few pages ago, no one replied funnily enough. The man is unwell, probably exhausted, dehydrated and feeling appalling and people are calling HIM selfish. My worst flare before I was diagnosed was so bad I was up potentially 15 times a night. I didn’t have the energy to walk let alone spray and do courtesy flushes and whatever else. I’m thankful that my partners concern was for how unwell I was, and not making me feel ashamed of my illness by acting like a child over a smell.

Unless it’s an emergency if he can use the other bathroom he should. I don’t have ibs but I have had tummy upsets and always use the other bathroom not the en suite. I just would rather not risk stinking the place out but obviously if the alternative is him having an accident the nearest toilet is best!

Surely he doesn't want to lie in bed smelling his own shit either? If an open window, shut door, VIpoo and odour neutralising spray isn't solving the problem, then of course he needs to use the family bathroom instead.

@thepeopleversuswork

I have to say I can't see the point of an en suite bathroom unless you, er, use it.

Worst case scenario and it really stinks, you leave a window open/light a match/light a scented candle.

I think if I had IBS and my other half was telling me where I could have a shit I'd feel really controlled.

I feel as you do but the op is stressed by it and she cannot help that any more than he can help his bowel problems. My hope is that her husband will find a way to get it under control before too long, poor man.

Depending on the size of their house, I think in her position I might sleep in another room for a while and use the family bathroom myself.

In my house we never had hard and fast rules but I did say that doing a poo downstairs was not a good idea. However if I was here on my own during the day, I did, and there was no one else to be inconvenienced. Upstairs there is a bathroom but the only one, no en suite. I always fancied an en suite actually but we were OK without.

Bowel problems are horrible, you have to experience them to realise exactly how much. Both of them have my sympathy.

@RosaBudDrood

Thank you that really meant a lot. More than you can know. It’s been such a bad day and someone doing that almost brought me to tears. Good tears though and it really meant a lot.

The people who say he should use the other bathroom

Do not know what it’s like when you wake up. In agony. Can’t barely even move. Need the toilet NOW. Or have ever lost control of their bowels. Say in your bedroom. Or have a stoma?

What does he do in that situation?

[quote Nocutenamesleft]@RosaBudDrood

Thank you that really meant a lot. More than you can know. It’s been such a bad day and someone doing that almost brought me to tears. Good tears though and it really meant a lot.[/quote]
Oh, you're so welcome. I know the feeling of having to deal with bowel issues - it's really not nice.

Your husband sounds lovely, too. Don't let this thread make you think any different. x

@RosaBudDrood

And again! Ha. It did make me question it. I asked him! I said does it bother you with my bowel issues. He said of course not. But he married a healthy girl. It says in sickness end in health but it’s hard to ever think that one day your other half will come down with something that permanently disabled her in one fowl swoop. I can’t eat. I’ve lost all control of my bladder and bowels and it’s so difficult. Because how can you feel attractive about yourself after these issues.

Then on top of that you read this thread and wow! It astounds me how little people understand it. How embarrassing it is for the person. How belittling it is to not be able to make it to the bathroom then on top of that someone say you can do it! It’s disgusting.

On top of an already bad day for me with blinding headaches and neck pain and a CSF leak!

Thank you again

I don't think 'morning sickness' smells but don't mind being corrected. I was only ever vomited once during pregnancy, when I got up, and that was only a clear fluid

😂😂😂😂😂 oh my sweet summer child...when you have HG and you’re throwing up food you last ate when you were 4, it definitely smells.

@Nocutenamesleft I’m sorry you’ve had such a shit day, I hope tomorrow is better. For what it’s worth, I would take you, your stinky shit and your compassion over most of the people on this thread. ♥️