To ask DH not to poo in our en-suite

[fizzioh]

For several months now DH has had a bit of a dodgy tum. He’s under the GP and it’s looking likely he has IBS.

On top of excessive (foul smelling) wind and very frequent toilet trips, his shit absolutely stinks.

I’m not expecting roses, but it’s far far beyond a normal smell.

He can easily fill the whole house with a stench when he goes to the toilet, which could easily be mistaken for a rotten dead animal.

I’ve asked him very kindly, and considerately, if for the foreseeable, and whilst he’s tum is still causing him issues, if he could hold off using the en-suite for a poo.

It’s just awful when he goes and our bedroom stinks for hours; even with the windows open and lots of air fresheners.

He’s told me it’s easier to use out en-suite in the middle of the night and he prefers that toilet in general, but when he goes there have been times the smell has woken me up and I have to sleep on the couch because I’m gagging!!!

I've never had an ensuite and don't want one.

Ensuite bathrooms belong in hotels, care homes and other such institutions imo. The only exception might be a room in your home used exclusively for overnight guests (so, similar to a hotel room).

YA absolutely NBU 💩 🤮

My DH has the decency to poo in the family bathroom and says he doesn’t want to stink our bedroom en-suite out with his ‘man poo’. He also puts a few drops of lemongrass oil down the loo to neutralise any offensive odours. That’s because he’s not a savage and prefers our bedroom to smell fresh and not of shit.

Your DH sounds extremely selfish, IBS or no IBS, not everyone has an en suite so if that were the case, he would have to make the effort to make it to the main bathroom then wouldn’t he. I’d be disgusted by his attitude to be totally frank.

Not much point having a toilet if you don't use it for the reason it was intended for.

Is it just ornamental? Or only for your own fragrant feminine wees (when I was pregnant I used to boak going into public toilets as I had a heightened sense of smell and there were too many dehydrated women with stinky wee so I am not sure women that that much better).

As for the smell, don't use horrible chemically air fresheners, they are awful. Light a match - it might blow up the house but the smell will go - no seriously, it gets rid of the smell. And open the bedroom window if you don't have one in the bathroom.

Jesus Christ, some of the absolute drama queens on here who literally think their shit don't stink!

Get over yourself

@80sMum

I've never had an ensuite and don't want one.

Ensuite bathrooms belong in hotels, care homes and other such institutions imo. The only exception might be a room in your home used exclusively for overnight guests (so, similar to a hotel room).

God I love my en suite. It’s great for a quick middle of the night pee. No waking anyone else up, out of bed and back in in a flash. My own space that no one else uses. When we have guests, they have their own bathroom, no one has to wait for the shower, it gives me space and privacy. My en suite is a gorgeous, fragrant space of my own, which I sometimes allow DH use 😉 but there is a strict no 💩 policy

@Letsgetreadytocrumble

Jesus Christ, some of the absolute drama queens on here who literally think their shit don't stink!

Well to be fair, my shit doesn’t stink anywhere near as terrible as the OP has described, it certainly doesn’t permeate the bedroom and make my DH feel sick 🤮

I don’t understand the point of having an en-suite you’re barred from pooing in
Me either.
But MN is really weird about loos in general.

Any complaints from your DH tell him he knew how you felt and put his convenience before your ability to sleep comfortably in your own room.

It's hardly convenient having IBS is it? Possibly a conversation about him using another loo in the house unless he feels he won't make it there would be a kinder approach, considering he won't be feeling great about all of this either? I agree the immediate flush, essential oils in a sink of hot water and striking matches all help a bit in an emergency.

@JBaez

Lots of good ideas on here: 1) open the window wide on entering the room 2) always close the door 3) flush as soon as business is done 4) flush as many times as needed after that 5) spray 6) get extractor fan 7) close door behind you when leaving.

Good summary.

If there’s no window you really need a good powerful extractor fan.

I don’t understand the point of having an en-suite you’re barred from pooing in
Me either.
But MN is really weird about loos in general.

Everyones DH seems to poo "right next to them" in the middle of the night too....
...As if theyve just crapped on the pillow which obviously would be unreasonable!!An ensuite (99% of the time - I have seen some pretty awful "open plan ensuites") is not the same as pooping in the bedroom. No one thinks someone is pooing in the kitchen in older houses where the toilet is next to the kitchen!

I'm wondering whether, when they stay in hotels the PP who bar their DHs from pooping in the ensuite, make their DH leave the room and wander down to reception for the general toilets, if he needs to go in the night!! (Or if they would do that themselves?)

On another thread a pp didnt even like her DP brushing his teeth in the ensuite!

This is why I hate en suites. We have one through a dressing room and we still avoid pooing in it so that when the other person pops in to brush teeth or get something it's not an unpleasant experience. We both have working legs so it's not an issue. Nothing less sexy than hearing your partner poo. (not envy)

How about this - just say the OP was pregnant with severe hyperemesis gravidarum and frequently need to rush to the bathroom to vomit. Would her partner be unreasonable to ask her to bypass the en suite and go use the main bathroom during the night because the stink of her vomit is disturbing his sleep?

@lollipoprainbow

Why would you want to flush while still on the toilet ??!

Never flush without closing the lid! You send bacteria all over the bathroom.

Just strike a match to get rid of the smell - it's magic!

Gosh just imagine all those poor people with IBS who have no en-suite and have to traipse a whole few metres extra to the family loo… how on earth do they manage it when so many apparently need to shit next to their bed?

I say this as someone with ulcerative colitis and I have to say when I’m flaring the shit doesn’t hang around long enough in my system to gather a stench…

@BadNomad

How about this - just say the OP was pregnant with severe hyperemesis gravidarum and frequently need to rush to the bathroom to vomit. Would her partner be unreasonable to ask her to bypass the en suite and go use the main bathroom during the night because the stink of her vomit is disturbing his sleep?

The stink of vomit and the stink of shit aren't really comparable are they.

Good God, he is your husband who has a condition that he has no control over. Yes, I'm sure it smells vile but how about you do something about how you manage it rather than make him embarrassed or feel bad?
Sleep in a separate room? Essential oils on your pillow? He's not doing it to irritate you, try and be more supportive
In sickness and in health, remember that?

DH doesn't poo in the en-suite, only I'm allowed to do that because my poo smells of roses and his clearly doesn't. So YADNBU.

Try some prebiotic powders like Bimuno. May help with the tummy issue. Did for me which is why I have rose smelling poo rather than poo that smells like a pole cat has crawled up my arse and died (DH's words!)

'Gosh just imagine all those poor people with IBS who have no en-suite and have to traipse a whole few metres extra to the family loo… how on earth do they manage it when so many apparently need to shit next to their bed?'

Exactly! Honestly all the dramaz about the poor dh's bowel problems. Just use another bathroom. How lovely that he has a choice.

Depends- is it a choice between the en suite and the other loo or the en suite and shitting himself?

Bc that would be the clincher

IBS can be horrible. Digestive enzymes and peppermint oil can both help though (disclaimer not medical advice!) so maybe worth a try?

Our en-suite doesn’t have a window so there’s a no-poo rule. Since yours has a window I’d say it’s ok as long as the bedroom isn’t occupied, ie not at night.

@CantHaveTooMuchChocolate

IBS can be horrible. Digestive enzymes and peppermint oil can both help though (disclaimer not medical advice!) so maybe worth a try?

As an ibs sufferer I can tell you peppermint capsules burn on the way out so no good if your having really bad diarrhoea its cold it burns and it smells really really bad

The stink of vomit and the stink of shit aren't really comparable are they.
The smell of vomit really really upsets me and makes me feel seriously sick. Doubt I'm alone.

@JaniieJones

'This thread is actually disgusting. I have ibd and ibs and if I need to go I need to go. I wouldn’t care less about the toilet and thank fuck my partners not a judgmental arsehole like some of the posters commenting here. It’s a toilet and you aren’t the queen give it a rest.'

Why tf is it 'disgusting' @CharlotteRose90? It is basic manners nothing to do with being 'judgemental'. Keep stenches away from other people if possible, ensuites when someone then cannot escape if they are in bed is not the place when there is a perfectly suitable main bathroom available. Have a bit of consideration for others!

Grow up. We all use the toilet . Have some consideration for those of us with conditions beyond our control. Thank god my partners not like you.