To ask DH not to poo in our en-suite

[fizzioh]

For several months now DH has had a bit of a dodgy tum. He’s under the GP and it’s looking likely he has IBS.

On top of excessive (foul smelling) wind and very frequent toilet trips, his shit absolutely stinks.

I’m not expecting roses, but it’s far far beyond a normal smell.

He can easily fill the whole house with a stench when he goes to the toilet, which could easily be mistaken for a rotten dead animal.

I’ve asked him very kindly, and considerately, if for the foreseeable, and whilst he’s tum is still causing him issues, if he could hold off using the en-suite for a poo.

It’s just awful when he goes and our bedroom stinks for hours; even with the windows open and lots of air fresheners.

He’s told me it’s easier to use out en-suite in the middle of the night and he prefers that toilet in general, but when he goes there have been times the smell has woken me up and I have to sleep on the couch because I’m gagging!!!

I think that's a totally fair thing to ask - no one wants to subjected to someone else's stink

Could you think about installing a fancy bidet? One of the electric ones with a deodorizer might help with the smell - and make it more pleasant for your DH to clean up after himself.

Just make sure he shuts the door completely after using the toilet. Seal that stink! That will solve about 80% of the problem.

Of course he should use the main bathroom honestly what is wrong with that, not as if you're making him leave the house to use public toilets.

Tell him to take some responsibility and have a bit of consideration.

Close door, open window, spray toilet, flush after first poop? God I wish I had that type of IBS. With mine I'm lucky if I get to drop my pants first. Then follows 30 mins of waterfall butt. Multiple times a day. Believe me, as horrible as it smells it feels 100 times worse. I'm terribly sorry your partner's medical condition interrupts your sleep. How selfish of him to not go suffer further away in the middle of the night.

Given it wakes you up in the middle of the night, reasonable to ask. Hope that treatment can be found for your DH.

Yanbu

@BeachWaves2 my thoughts entirely what if it's something more serious than IBS.

Window permanently open, bleach in the loo bowl directly after flushing and some zoflora and warm water left in the sink should kill the deadliest of stenches.

I had an en-suite in Germany that contained a bath and two sinks. No loo. Apparently Germans don’t like to have a loo right off the bedroom (fair enough). I didn’t notice when we viewed and got a shock when we moved in. It just hadn’t computed that a three piece bathroom didn’t include a loo.

Why would you want to flush while still on the toilet ??!

My ex had dreadfully smelly shits. We kept a candle in the bathroom, and I insisted he light it as soon as his arse hit the seat.

It made a huge difference to the smell spreading throughout the house. By the time he'd finished dropping his guts, flushed, washed his hands etc, the smell was gone.

We have an en-suite. I have IBS - rule is no ping in there during the night early morning. Not unreasonable

Same rule in our house.

'This thread is actually disgusting. I have ibd and ibs and if I need to go I need to go. I wouldn’t care less about the toilet and thank fuck my partners not a judgmental arsehole like some of the posters commenting here. It’s a toilet and you aren’t the queen give it a rest.'

Why tf is it 'disgusting' @CharlotteRose90? It is basic manners nothing to do with being 'judgemental'. Keep stenches away from other people if possible, ensuites when someone then cannot escape if they are in bed is not the place when there is a perfectly suitable main bathroom available. Have a bit of consideration for others!

@lollipoprainbow

Why would you want to flush while still on the toilet ??!

When I was suffering a particularly bad episode of IBS, I always flushed during shitting because it took away almost all of the smell. It isn't a comfortable thing to do but since I was in a busy office and shares bathroom with many colleagues, I was horribly embarrassed by the awful smell I made so I tried everything I could to cover my tracks.

It might sound crazy but it's surprisingly effective.

“There has been a couple of occasions where it has been very frequent and urgent and DP has slept on the sofa so that I can manage it privately”. You cannot be serious 😆

Hope you never get IBS OP. If I was your husband I’d tell you to make sure that you do not under any circumstances use that bog when you are menstruating.

Surely if there was no ensuite he'd have to use the family bathroom.

Thankfully DH uses the family bathroom.for everything so the en-suite is all mine.

Can your DH not open the window and close the door; a towel at the bottom of the door would stop smell seepage - we've done that in hotel rooms without bathroom windows before now.

Get an extractor fan installed in the ensuite ?

If you have a spare bedroom, could you move into that until hopefully his IBS improves following Doctors visits.
If not your DH should use the other bathroom and probably keep that window open throughout night.

I sympathise with your DH especially having to wake multiply times during the night to use bathroom. Has he tried to change his eating habits and not eat certain foods or after certain time in the evening.

I shared a 2 bath house with a person who persisted in using the windowless bathroom closest to my bedroom for the smelliest poos going. It was also beside the living area. Other bathroom was next to her bedroom. I was embarrassed requesting that she used other bathroom sometimes and it made no difference. She would then use other bathroom for rest of day and I would be left with smelly bathroom.
This changed when guests came just after she had used this bathroom. First thing 1 guest did was go to use bathroom. They came straight back out, saying they couldnt use bathroom due to strong stench and asked if we had drain problem. Housemate went red and I suggested they use other bathroom.

light a couple of matches afterwards and poo pourri

@lollipoprainbow

Why would you want to flush while still on the toilet ??!

The "courtesy flush" takes away a lot of the odour. Obviously you'd have to wait for the cistern to fill before you can flush again but, since you're still busy...

It depends on whether the pooing person has time to get to another lavatory or not. If they don't, it seems cruel to object. But I do think the pooer should be trying to minimise the discomfort for others as well where possible.

Lots of good ideas on here:

1. open the window wide on entering the room
2. always close the door
3. flush as soon as business is done
4. flush as many times as needed after that
5. spray
6. get extractor fan
7. close door behind you when leaving.

Keep a box of those big matches in there and get him to light one or two - it works. And open a window.

I can’t help wondering what the general MN reaction would be, if this was a woman saying her dh had asked her the same.

It's well known that anxiety exacerbates IBS. I can't help wondering if it makes it worse if you are anxious that you won't make it to the loo in time or that others will be unsympathetic. Of course, it's only polite to try and minimise the smell with bleach/air freshener/open windows but it's not as if he is doing it deliberately.

@BadNomad

Close door, open window, spray toilet, flush after first poop? God I wish I had that type of IBS. With mine I'm lucky if I get to drop my pants first. Then follows 30 mins of waterfall butt. Multiple times a day. Believe me, as horrible as it smells it feels 100 times worse. I'm terribly sorry your partner's medical condition interrupts your sleep. How selfish of him to not go suffer further away in the middle of the night.

I don’t think it’s too much to close the door.

Keep the window open, keep the spray by the toilet, flush several times whilst sitting on the toilet. You don’t need to move.

He needs to shut and lock the door, open a window, switch on the extractor before he poos, and stay in there afterwards until the worst of the smell dissipates. If you had IBS and had such foul smelling shit I’m sure he’d expect you to be considerate too. He’s being selfish.