To ask DH not to poo in our en-suite

[fizzioh]

For several months now DH has had a bit of a dodgy tum. He’s under the GP and it’s looking likely he has IBS.

On top of excessive (foul smelling) wind and very frequent toilet trips, his shit absolutely stinks.

I’m not expecting roses, but it’s far far beyond a normal smell.

He can easily fill the whole house with a stench when he goes to the toilet, which could easily be mistaken for a rotten dead animal.

I’ve asked him very kindly, and considerately, if for the foreseeable, and whilst he’s tum is still causing him issues, if he could hold off using the en-suite for a poo.

It’s just awful when he goes and our bedroom stinks for hours; even with the windows open and lots of air fresheners.

He’s told me it’s easier to use out en-suite in the middle of the night and he prefers that toilet in general, but when he goes there have been times the smell has woken me up and I have to sleep on the couch because I’m gagging!!!

@IntermittentParps

The stink of vomit and the stink of shit aren't really comparable are they. The smell of vomit really really upsets me and makes me feel seriously sick. Doubt I'm alone.

Still not the same as shit

@fizzioh

The the PP’s saying I shouldn’t make him go further to the main bathroom.... The main bathroom really isn’t that far. It’s not like he has to walk miles.

To the PP who said they hope it’s not a serious illness. We already know that it’s not, but thanks for your concern.

I am very supportive of my husband, I don’t think I’m asking for much but asking him not to take a shit in our bedroom.
I’m sure none of you would really want to sleep with that stench up your noses, so please stop pretending like you would.

Not really sure why you asked then

Get him to light a few matches afterwards.
That will get rid of the smell.

@HowToBringABlushToTheSnow

YA absolutely NBU 💩 🤮

My DH has the decency to poo in the family bathroom and says he doesn’t want to stink our bedroom en-suite out with his ‘man poo’. He also puts a few drops of lemongrass oil down the loo to neutralise any offensive odours. That’s because he’s not a savage and prefers our bedroom to smell fresh and not of shit.

Your DH sounds extremely selfish, IBS or no IBS, not everyone has an en suite so if that were the case, he would have to make the effort to make it to the main bathroom then wouldn’t he. I’d be disgusted by his attitude to be totally frank.

How is it possible for people to be such drama queens?

I’m at a loss

I have severe chronic illnesses. Including a brain tumour. But this impacts a nerve that goes into my chest. (It’s at the base of my skull). This means I can lose my stomach at a moments notice. They’re given me a stoma. But I’m not there yet.

Can you imagine the pure embarrassment of dealing with an illness like that? That involves your bowels. We’ve got an en suite. But even though the other bathrooms aren’t far away. I couldnt make it. No way.

My husband must be a saint. This thread has made me question my husband. I can’t bare to bring it up. But it seems I’m going to have to embarrass myself further. To make sure he doesn’t feel that way.

In my case though it would ether be the end suite. Or the floor. Depends which one he’s rather clean!

@Nocutenamesleft

I’m at a loss

I have severe chronic illnesses. Including a brain tumour. But this impacts a nerve that goes into my chest. (It’s at the base of my skull). This means I can lose my stomach at a moments notice. They’re given me a stoma. But I’m not there yet.

Can you imagine the pure embarrassment of dealing with an illness like that? That involves your bowels. We’ve got an en suite. But even though the other bathrooms aren’t far away. I couldnt make it. No way.

My husband must be a saint. This thread has made me question my husband. I can’t bare to bring it up. But it seems I’m going to have to embarrass myself further. To make sure he doesn’t feel that way.

In my case though it would ether be the end suite. Or the floor. Depends which one he’s rather clean!

Have they tested for c diff yet?

I think YABU.
Firstly, you can't smell in your sleep and can't be woken up by smells. Secondly, he's ill, it's not his fault. If someone posted on here saying their DH asked them to throw up their morning sickness in a different bathroom because DH didn't like the sound/smell etc then they'd be crucified - this is no different. Have you tried an air purifier? They work wonders at getting rid of smells? If you're banning him from pooing in there then, quite frankly, you better not be pooing in there either.

@fizzioh

The the PP’s saying I shouldn’t make him go further to the main bathroom.... The main bathroom really isn’t that far. It’s not like he has to walk miles.

To the PP who said they hope it’s not a serious illness. We already know that it’s not, but thanks for your concern.

I am very supportive of my husband, I don’t think I’m asking for much but asking him not to take a shit in our bedroom.
I’m sure none of you would really want to sleep with that stench up your noses, so please stop pretending like you would.

"I don’t think I’m asking for much" Typical AIBU response there. "AIBU?" "Yes." "No I'm not"

@ThatChristinaAguileraSong

I think YABU. Firstly, you can't smell in your sleep and can't be woken up by smells. Secondly, he's ill, it's not his fault. If someone posted on here saying their DH asked them to throw up their morning sickness in a different bathroom because DH didn't like the sound/smell etc then they'd be crucified - this is no different. Have you tried an air purifier? They work wonders at getting rid of smells? If you're banning him from pooing in there then, quite frankly, you better not be pooing in there either.

The cat having a shit in the litter tray downstairs wakes me up so I assure you I can smell in my sleep

You can smell in your sleep .
What would be the point in smelling salts to bring someone round from a fainting episode . Someone's sense of smell doesnt disappear during sleep

You absolutely can smell in your sleep. My dog regularly farts and the smell wakes me up.

ThatChristinaAguileraSong

I think YABU.
Firstly, you can't smell in your sleep and can't be woken up by smells. Secondly, he's ill, it's not his fault. If someone posted on here saying their DH asked them to throw up their morning sickness in a different bathroom because DH didn't like the sound/smell etc then they'd be crucified - this is no different. Have you tried an air purifier? They work wonders at getting rid of smells? If you're banning him from pooing in there then, quite frankly, you better not be pooing in there either.

......
Yes you can and it has happened to me more than once. A strong smell has even come into a dream and woken me up! Not a poo smell though, I don't think I'd be that bothered by poo anyway.

I don't think 'morning sickness' smells but don't mind being corrected. I was only ever vomited once during pregnancy, when I got up, and that was only a clear fluid.

I'm in agreement with you about the op's husband being unwell. He can't help his smelly poos and it must be awful for him. I know if it was me I would want to be elsewhere, in solitude, so as not to annoy anyone. However that sort of stress only makes bowel conditions worse

I do get that the en suite is the nearest and sometimes he may have to bolt for it but that won't be every time; he could use the main bathroom at other times, taking all the precautions previously mentioned, and the op have the bedroom one to herself.

The sooner the poor man receives help, the better.

"I was only ever..." should be "I only ever...".

Nobody wants to sleep in a room that stinks of shit. I can't comprehend why he is happy with that situation either. Using the other toilet is hardly a big deal for him. I'm with you OP and I'm shocked how.many people voted YABU!

Vomit is worse I'm a HCP the only time Poo has made me physically vomit is when it has CDiff . Vomit actually makes me heave and chuck up as well as mucus. I think most HCPs would say the same.

'Vomit is worse I'm a HCP the only time Poo has made me physically vomit is when it has CDiff . Vomit actually makes me heave and chuck up as well as mucus. I think most HCPs would say the same.'

I don't think most hcps would say the same at all. Vomit shouldn't make you 'heave and chuck' if you're a hcp fgs.

There is a difference between coping with bodily fluids professionally and respectfully in the workplace and an inconsiderate husband stinking out the en-suite when there is a perfectly acceptable bathroom a few metres away.

YANBU

Neither my husband nor myself use our ensuite for bowel movements.
Basic consideration for each other.

I recall the first time I went away to a hotel with my husband for a weekend and him going to the public loos rather that use ours.

Small considerations like this make living together easier.

It really isn't a race to the bottom of over familiarity in a relationship.

If the OP asks her husband would he mind, why would he not if he could?🤷🏻‍♀️

Is it so awful and incomprehensible to have a little consideration for each other particularly when the subject matter is so grim.

You have my sympathy OP.

Sounds awful.
Particularly if it drives you from your bed.
So grim.

Its his home too, and he should not be made to feel like a pariah because of his ill health.

He needs to keep the en suite door shut and open the window..
You need to be more tolerant and supportive.

I recall the first time I went away to a hotel with my husband for a weekend and him going to the public loos rather that use ours

That's just not normal.

@RosaBudDrood

I recall the first time I went away to a hotel with my husband for a weekend and him going to the public loos rather that use ours

That's just not normal.

For morning ablutions, it is called consideration in a small shared space.

For morning ablutions, it is called consideration in a small shared space

To me that just sounds like not being comfortable around each other. Rushing out of your hotel room to find a public loo? No thank you.

I couldn't be in a relationship where I felt liked I was being genuinely judged by my own partner on the smell of my shit. (And my husband definitely couldn't! )

I literally can't imagine worrying that they would mind or they would think less of me if I did a smelly poo! Like yeah, we moan at each other when the loo smells but neither of us actually genuinely give a shit (lol) because it's just poo and we all do it don't we?

I recall the first time I went away to a hotel with my husband for a weekend and him going to the public loos rather that use ours.

What?!

God, that would genuinely be a deal breaker for me in a relationship, if I thought a bloke was that precious about poo. However, you obviously feel the same, so I guess you are on the same page which is good!

@ThatChristinaAguileraSong

I think YABU. Firstly, you can't smell in your sleep and can't be woken up by smells. Secondly, he's ill, it's not his fault. If someone posted on here saying their DH asked them to throw up their morning sickness in a different bathroom because DH didn't like the sound/smell etc then they'd be crucified - this is no different. Have you tried an air purifier? They work wonders at getting rid of smells? If you're banning him from pooing in there then, quite frankly, you better not be pooing in there either.

Of course you can smell in your sleep i was dreaming of oubliets and the bog of eternal stench turns out "not my cat but spending new years cat" really needed a poo and had farted really really stinky it invaded my dreams and woke me up