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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my baby can attend my friends wedding

803 replies

abystarrs · 24/05/2021 20:12

My friend is getting married in August and has invited me and my husband only.

Their wedding will be in Chester (where they live) we live in Birmingham.
From our house to the venue it’s 1hr 50minutes.

We have a 5 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed.

I don’t feel comfortable leaving our baby overnight (I know it’s 3 months away but I’m not ready to leave him yet and doubt that will change much in 3 months) and especially as we won’t be “just around the corner” and can’t get home quickly.

My mum has offered to come to the hotel with us and watch our son whilst my husband and I attend the wedding, which would mean I can keep popping out to feed him where possible, but the hotel is fully booked and taken up by wedding guests (we have a room booked)

I’ve spoken to a mutual friend who said she is having trouble finding a sitter for her 10 year old daughter but our friend (the bride) has specified to her absolutely no children can attend the wedding.

I really respect my friends decision but I’m wondering if it would be completely unreasonable of me to ask if I can take my son considering he’s just a baby.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to attend otherwise, and whilst I don’t want to put my friend in an awkward position I also really don’t want to leave my son overnight being so far away.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PyjamaFan · 24/05/2021 20:14

I think that no children includes babies.

Notaroadrunner · 24/05/2021 20:15

Do not ask if you can bring the baby. Decline the invite.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/05/2021 20:16

I would decline saying, "unfortunately DC can't be left as they are BF". If she wants you there, she will say.

converseandjeans · 24/05/2021 20:16

I suspect she will have a blanket ban on babies. I would pull out now as otherwise you'll get stressed out.

Ginevere · 24/05/2021 20:16

I had a child free wedding, but that excluded breastfeeding babies- 2 attended. Both cried during the ceremony but what can you do!

I would just ask your friend, but as far as I’m concerned a baby doesn’t count.

Warofthebuttons · 24/05/2021 20:16

If he's in your room OP then I don't see the harm in asking.

ClarkeGriffin · 24/05/2021 20:16

I would just tell her you can't go as can't leave your baby. Then she may say you can bring him. I wouldn't ask if you can though when she has said no. Leave it up to her, if it's still no, it's a shame but it's her wedding.

Aprilwasverywet · 24/05/2021 20:17

Imagine you were the couple that HAD managed to get a babysitter...
Personally I would be less than impressed there was a dc there however old...

adawong · 24/05/2021 20:17

absolutely no children can attend the wedding.
Which bit of that is unclear?

Onceuponatime1818 · 24/05/2021 20:18

Can your mum have him in your room for the day and book somewhere local for her after?

1Morewineplease · 24/05/2021 20:18

I'd decline.

Notaroadrunner · 24/05/2021 20:18

@Warofthebuttons

If he's in your room OP then I don't see the harm in asking.
He'll be at the wedding, not in the room. They have a room booked but not one for the grand mother as it's booked out.
Aquamarine1029 · 24/05/2021 20:19

Yes, it is totally unreasonable for you to ask. If you can't go, stay home.

FilthyforFirth · 24/05/2021 20:19

YABU I'm afraid. I didnt have children at my wedding, in large part because it would have involved 6, yes 6, babies (i.e under the age of 1) at the ceremony. If I had made an exception for 1 I would have had to for all and frankly the noise of all 6 would have been awful.

shouldistop · 24/05/2021 20:19

I would decline saying, "unfortunately DC can't be left as they are BF". If she wants you there, she will sa

This

44PumpLane · 24/05/2021 20:19

I agree with Ginevere, I had a child free wedding but babies in the breast were excluded from the ban.

I would hope your friend wouldn't be offended if you asked, but ask in a way that leaves her an out with noone left feeling like a dick if she still says no

ThreeLittleDots · 24/05/2021 20:20

The hotel might be able to put an extra bed in your room?

lastqueenofscotland · 24/05/2021 20:20

I wouldn’t ask but agree with others, I’d say something along the lines of sadly as DC is EBF I won’t be able to make it. If she wants you there she’ll say not to worry

Fitforforty · 24/05/2021 20:20

@MrsTerryPratchett

I would decline saying, "unfortunately DC can't be left as they are BF". If she wants you there, she will say.
This is your only option.
Original poster
abystarrs · 24/05/2021 20:21

@adawong

absolutely no children can attend the wedding. Which bit of that is unclear?
@adawong

It doesn’t actually specify this on the invite.
It’s addressed to DH & I.

I only know this as she’s told friend who is struggling to get a sitter.

OP posts:
20viona · 24/05/2021 20:21

No way if she's stated no children unfortunately that's what she means.

KarmaStar · 24/05/2021 20:22

Take the stress and sorry out of the next three months op and decline the invitation.You don't owe her an explanation unless you want to give one.I
You,your baby are in a very special period which won't last forever,enjoy it.cancel your booked room now so they don't charge you.

chaosrabbitland · 24/05/2021 20:22

i would just politely decline it and explain why , asking her , trying to work around it sounds like it will become difficult

KM38 · 24/05/2021 20:22

@abystarrs I would assume that no children means no children at all OP. You can ask but you may not like the response. Is it possible to book somewhere else locally for your mum? Could she look after DS in your room for the day and you can pop in and out for feeds then you can leave the wedding earlyish and get her a taxi back to her own hotel?

DeflatedGinDrinker · 24/05/2021 20:22

No don't ask that's so rude. Just say you cannot make it.