To ask if my baby can attend my friends wedding

[abystarrs]

My friend is getting married in August and has invited me and my husband only.

Their wedding will be in Chester (where they live) we live in Birmingham.
From our house to the venue it’s 1hr 50minutes.

We have a 5 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed.

I don’t feel comfortable leaving our baby overnight (I know it’s 3 months away but I’m not ready to leave him yet and doubt that will change much in 3 months) and especially as we won’t be “just around the corner” and can’t get home quickly.

My mum has offered to come to the hotel with us and watch our son whilst my husband and I attend the wedding, which would mean I can keep popping out to feed him where possible, but the hotel is fully booked and taken up by wedding guests (we have a room booked)

I’ve spoken to a mutual friend who said she is having trouble finding a sitter for her 10 year old daughter but our friend (the bride) has specified to her absolutely no children can attend the wedding.

I really respect my friends decision but I’m wondering if it would be completely unreasonable of me to ask if I can take my son considering he’s just a baby.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to attend otherwise, and whilst I don’t want to put my friend in an awkward position I also really don’t want to leave my son overnight being so far away.

AIBU?

I would say no, you will have to turn it down or go without your DC,

When DS was little, we were invited to 3 weddings, 2 were when he was less than 2 months old, so I was happy to ask, the other one was when he was about 7 months old and there would be no way I would take him to a childfree wedding and he was exclusivly bf as well.

Is it actually in Chester or near Chester? There are so many hotels in Chester there should be something suitable. PM me if you want some suggestions

Though at 8 months I would express, will be on solids and using a cup

My post as a reply to 'no one wants...' I want. Hence the post. If others want a serene, picture-perfect Instagrammable posh do, fill your boots.

But don't expect anyone to spend hundreds of pounds on accommodation for the babysitter to make it so.

@FunMcCool

Can your mum stay in your hotel room and then drive back at like 11pm?

@FunMcCool

I wouldn’t want her to do that. The drive is 1hr 50 minutes so I feel unreasonable expecting her to drive back alone so late.

Just don’t go OP.
My then best friend threw a strop when I tried to decline the invite to her wedding because of similar issues. So we went. And had an utterly miserable day taking it in turns hiding out in a cramped hotel room with a fractious, unsettled baby. And yes she’s now divorced and one of those mothers who birthed the messiah.
Mind you she ran a close race with friends who invited us to their afternoon Christmas drinks do ( knowing full well we had no childcare) The hubby said it was fine to bring DD-we only intended to stay for an hour. On arrival the wife banished DD and I to the ‘small sitting room’ And like a fool I stayed there for the hour

But don't expect anyone to spend hundreds of pounds on accommodation for the babysitter to make it so.
Well, people do just that. All the time. Op can choose not to if she thinks that's best.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I would decline saying, "unfortunately DC can't be left as they are BF". If she wants you there, she will say.

^ This would be the best option .You don’t actually have to ask the question, simply imply it .

I agree with those above saying don't ask, just decline the invite and explain if she asks.

It's not that simple to express - I could never express a drop, despite EBF two DC for 14 months each.

OP you really cannot ask if your baby can attend. I would just explain you can't attend because of the baby. If she then says they can attend, that's fine, if not, no worries.

I wouldn't worry about it too much - maybe you are overthinking it. Anyone who wants a child free wedding (up to them) will have to accept that some of the people invited may not be able to attend. No reason for anyone to fall out over it.

YABU, a baby is a child.
They are the worst at weddings. You'd take baby out if crying, of course, but the damage is already done.
Don't go, we didn't attend any weddings or parties when dc were little.
We're still here.

@Chamonixshoopshoop

Of course an EBF baby can’t go without Mum! You’re their food and drink! Don’t go! Bride has made her stance clear She’ll be divorced in 4 years going by my bridezilla experiences

Hahaha. How does not wanting children at a wedding make you a bridezilla? I won't be having them at mine either.

Even if you're staying near the venue you won't be able to nip in and out.

Why tie yourself in knots over this OP. She doesn't want kids at the wedding. So you tell her tonight that you can't go. If she says, 'Aw, too bad' cancel your hotel room and get your money back.

Why travel all that way and spend loads just for the short ceremony? Nah.

I don't think it's bridezilla to want a childfree wedding.

@GreyhoundG1rl

But don't expect anyone to spend hundreds of pounds on accommodation for the babysitter to make it so. Well, people do just that. All the time. Op can choose not to if she thinks that's best.

Are people choosing to misunderstand? Of course people can choose to. My post was about an expectation.

I wouldn't go. Decline politely, saying your baby is exclusively breastfed so can't be left.

I’d just decline. You’ve tried your best to find ways to go, bending this way and that to try and fit in with the bride’s dream wedding. Even sticking your poor mum in a room all day. The bride is going to find that her rules mean some people can’t go.

I do think a very small baby is different from an older , crawling or walking baby . I had no children at my wedding, apart from bridesmaids and immediate family, as there wasn’t space, but a small baby would have been fine.

On arrival the wife banished DD and I to the ‘small sitting room’ And like a fool I stayed there for the hour
Just the two of you?! How bloody rude

@motogogo

Though at 8 months I would express, will be on solids and using a cup

My son is 15 months and at 8 months would not drink from a cup / bottle. He would also turn down food.

Milk (breast / formula) for a child under 12 months is their main source of nutrition. Not food / water.

My sister made an exception for a bf baby at her wedding. It cried through the entire ceremony - selfish parents didn’t even bother to go outside. No children, means no children.

[quote abystarrs]@viques

*At 8 months your baby could easily be taking expressed milk from a bottle

I don’t disagree, but it’s not something we’ve introduced yet and I certainly wouldn’t introduce it just to be able to attend this particular wedding.[/quote]
Airbnb will be much cheaper.

Many BF babies easily take milk from a bottle or cup at this age. The difficulty can be going back to BFing after using a bottle temporarily due to illness etc.

[quote abystarrs]@viques

*At 8 months your baby could easily be taking expressed milk from a bottle

I don’t disagree, but it’s not something we’ve introduced yet and I certainly wouldn’t introduce it just to be able to attend this particular wedding.[/quote]
Then don't go. You wouldn't do something for this wedding, but don't expect the B&G to change their day either.

You have your own priorities and it's fine, but they have theirs too and that's also fine.

I had a child-free wedding but specified babes in arms were welcome. This was mainly due to cost & the sheer number of friends children. I'd personally ask as her reason may be similar to mine. Don't be offended if it's different and she wants all adults to be able to let their hair down x

He's not a newborn, he won't be exclusively bf at 8 months and there's really no need, bar your anxieties, that he needs to be there. Don't ask just decline politely stating you are unable to get a sitter. Don't be that person

Can you check with the bride whether there is a spare room in the hotel for your mum? It maybe that they have had to commit to take a certain number of rooms but they are not actually all occupied. That would give you an 'in' to let the bride know your problem without directly asking.