To have messaged relative in labour

[Wingingthis]

Was with DM and she got a call to say that a close relative of mine had gone into Labour. So I gave her a quick message just saying how exciting & good luck.
Relative didn’t reply but has said to someone else that she’s annoyed. I honestly just thought I was being nice, never expected a reply. I was talking to her about hypnobirthing a couple of weeks ago and personally appreciated it when I got nice texts when going into Labour.
I feel really bad now & like I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m probably over thinking it. But was I being unreasonable?

@Mandalay246

My hypnobirthing involves an app, count me through breathing with my music and positive affirmations. So if I switched my phone off I wouldn’t have that little support that I had been practicing with.

I'm speechless! I wonder how people gave birth for the centuries before we had apps. All you people who can't do anything at all without the aid of a phone make me fear for the future of mankind.

We survived for thousands of years without antibiotics, cars, houses, electricity, running water and indoor toilets. Should we get rid of all of those too?

Progress isn't a bad thing, because something is available as an app it doesn't make it less than or unworthy. Phones are not evil, they are not inherently bad. Smartphones represent a major leap in our technology and offer a lifeline to so many people for a million reasons.

@Mandalay246

My hypnobirthing involves an app, count me through breathing with my music and positive affirmations. So if I switched my phone off I wouldn’t have that little support that I had been practicing with.

I'm speechless! I wonder how people gave birth for the centuries before we had apps. All you people who can't do anything at all without the aid of a phone make me fear for the future of mankind.

How did you get through your labour(s) @Mandalay246?

@Wingingthis

Maybe, i feel do feel awful. When my waters broke I didn’t actually go into Labour for hours so I just imagined her at home waiting for things to get going but perhaps I was wrong

You have done absolutely nothing wrong because your intentions were good. You did it to be nice, even if in the end it was not received well. She on the other hand (if you are correct) has been bitching about you to someone else. Her intentions were not good. So she is in the wrong, not you.

@Drunkenmonkey

OP you did something nice, she is a dick. Don't give it another thought.

Yep! Totally agree x

"you inserted yourself into the most private of times by sending a message"

How incredibly dramatic. That makes it sound like she was knocking on the door to the labour ward, yelling at the midwife. She sent a text, which is something that can be opened at the recipient's leisure.

Goodness such a fuss about nothing! YANBU it was a nice thing to do. She's being precious and ridiculous (first baby?) you should not feel bad l, it was thoughtful and most (normal) people would think it was nice you cared enough to text.

I really would try to forget it. She'll probably feel like a knob when she gets a bit of distance from this stage and realises she was a bit of an eejit!

It's really hard work having to tiptoe through life, second guessing every nice gesture incase some loon takes offence. If you are the sort of person who treats a text message as akin to kicking kittens, the time will come when people decide it's easier and safer to just show no interest in you at all!

I think most phones have do not disturb settings, if the labouring woman can't cope with turning it off!

@JustLyra

Who told your Mum?

I had this when I was in labour and I still get snide digs that I was annoyed with my cousin for messaging me when I was in labour - I wasn’t, I was annoyed with my SIL for telling everyone and their dog that I was in labour which meant everyone sent me “just one message”.

Yes, I suspect this is likely to be the issue — someone spreading the word that she was in labour meant a load of people sent ‘just one’ well-intentioned text which she found intrusive. My early labour was long and wasn’t easy — I only knew later that it was because it wasn’t progressing — and I had a ‘deadline’ after which I knew I would need a CS, and I was stressed and frightened. I would have found well-meaning texts about how I’d be amazing infuriating.

If your mum got a call to say she was in labour, told you, you text her, then it got back to you on the grapevine that she was annoyed it sounds like the whole family is pretty gossipy and that’s probably why she was annoyed! I assume a load of people knew she was in labour and she didn’t want that and was fed up with the family being gossips

Diva

It's akin to phoning up the maternity ward and leaving a message with the receptionist to relay to the labouring woman. If you wouldn't do that then don't disturb them with a text message either.

And putting my phone on mute or do not disturb was literally the last thing on my mind during my labours, maybe because I was in so much pain (?!). Luckily my immediate family knew not to tell others that I was in labour and waited until we contacted them after the birth. If it was an emergency, again they would have contacted my birthing partner (DH) but not me, the actual person in pain. Again not anything that's ever been discussed but common sense. What if the worst was happening to baby or mum while you were sending such messages? It is invading a really private time. If you really can't help yourself messaging, message the birthing partner instead.

And putting my phone on mute or do not disturb was literally the last thing on my mind during my labours
Me too, because I had no idea where it was. Had I been using it during established labour for some app or similar and I was "disturbed" by a message arriving then that would still be on me to deal with whether it was a message of support from a friend, or a message from a friend about something random who had no idea I was in labour, a scam text telling HMRC are after me, Vodafone bothering me with the latest offers or whatever.

So if someone knows you are in labour they are meant to know that means you've gone into a communication lockdown and cannot be sent anything. But if they don't know because you haven't told anyone they can send you random messages like normal. Which is somehow not "intrusive". Or are you not meant to text anyone woman from 38 weeks onwards just in case you disturb her precious time?

It's all so ludicrously overblown and demanding.

@AIMummy

It's akin to phoning up the maternity ward and leaving a message with the receptionist to relay to the labouring woman. If you wouldn't do that then don't disturb them with a text message either.

And putting my phone on mute or do not disturb was literally the last thing on my mind during my labours, maybe because I was in so much pain (?!). Luckily my immediate family knew not to tell others that I was in labour and waited until we contacted them after the birth. If it was an emergency, again they would have contacted my birthing partner (DH) but not me, the actual person in pain. Again not anything that's ever been discussed but common sense. What if the worst was happening to baby or mum while you were sending such messages? It is invading a really private time. If you really can't help yourself messaging, message the birthing partner instead.

It 100% is not akin to leaving a message with a receptionist.

Also if the last thing on your mind was to mute your phone because you were in so much pain do you genuinely think you would have noticed a text?

People are far too precious. If someone does something out of purely good intentions then I’d let it go.

It's all so ludicrously overblown and demanding.
Isn't it just? Nobody allows for the human element anymore.
The poor woman didn't mean any harm and it's vanishingly unlikely she did any harm.

"Invading (!) a really private time" by sending a text is such a stick up your arse type of comment. Glad I don't know you (you know who you are).

You sent a single, encouraging text, not a barrage of questions - I'd forget it. The third party has been a bit of a stirer by the sounds of it

And putting my phone on mute or do not disturb was literally the last thing on my mind during my labours, maybe because I was in so much pain (?!)

This is ridiculous. If you were so immersed in pain you wouldn’t be checking your messages.

Similar responses are utterly absurd. It’s just beyond my comprehension.

If you don’t want texts when in labour, don’t have your phone with you.

The other thing to consider is that the birthing mother was only fleetingly irritated by a mid labour text but gave it no more thought. It is possible that the person who told you about her being irritated by the text beefed the issue up.

Thinking about it I strongly suspect it’s that your sister has said to your mum, “I was annoyed that Winging text me after you told her I was in labour”, meaning “I was annoyed you told her I was in labour”. But your mum has either wilfully misinterpreted it, or completely missed a hint, and is now using it to cause drama.

@BlackberryandNettle

You sent a single, encouraging text, not a barrage of questions - I'd forget it. The third party has been a bit of a stirer by the sounds of it

But the original message was not for Op.

There was no need for her to reply.