To have messaged relative in labour

[Wingingthis]

Was with DM and she got a call to say that a close relative of mine had gone into Labour. So I gave her a quick message just saying how exciting & good luck.
Relative didn’t reply but has said to someone else that she’s annoyed. I honestly just thought I was being nice, never expected a reply. I was talking to her about hypnobirthing a couple of weeks ago and personally appreciated it when I got nice texts when going into Labour.
I feel really bad now & like I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m probably over thinking it. But was I being unreasonable?

She's being ridiculous and will probably feel quite embarrassed about this as time goes on. If you're feeling kind, I would pretend you don't know about it. You have chance to be the better person here.

You did nothing wrong.

Horribly intrusive? What?! It wasn't a Skype call asking for a close up for her cervix to check dilation.

If she was so extremely precious about receiving a text during labour she could have turned the phone off or silent or do not disturb.

Some women are bored in labour, some a bit lonely and frightened, some are just not really weird and uptight. They would all be fine with a good luck message, I expect!

Don't worry about it. I think you did nothing wrong. That's exactly what texts are for and one can read them whenever. Personally I'd be happy to read nice texts.
And like PPs wrote labour can make one feel all sort of emotions. I'm sure you'll both forget about it soon.

@katy1213

Dear god, is there no escape from constant texting? This is one step down from texting someone on their death bed to wish them bon voyage!

Agreed!

What a load of drama over a "good luck" text Who on earth is with her relaying all this stuff back?

Maybe your family thrive on making a drama out of everything. I know some of my husband's family are like this, always huge theatre, repeating conversations to bait and goad each other, and not speaking to each other over perceived slights. It's such a non issue.

I'd let it go. It was fine to send that text.

I got loads of messages when people found out I was in labour, I didn’t think anything about it. It’s not as if they expected replies.

Your relative is being a bit precious.

It's a bit unfair to call the new mum precious when she hasn't actually berated OP.
She may have said to the person she was with that she was annoyed in general that people knew she was in labour, she may have been annoyed at OP and thought she was expressing that in a safe space and didn't expect them to relay it

I would not text someone in labour, I would think it an intrusive thing to do and a text saying 'you'll do amazing' at a fraught moment might well annoy/irritate people.
I have family members with different boundaries who would disagree (I know from family WhatsApp when one kept asking about labour and the 'labourer' was annoyed, to be fair that was several questions!)

I’d have hated people knowing I was in labour tbh, but a) she shouldn’t have told anyone if that was the case, b) she should have made it clear the info wasn’t for passing on and c) the other person is at fault for telling you. You’re not at fault here.

Whoever the other person is is shit stirring though.

I wouldn't dream of texting someone in labour, and I wouldn't want to be texted by anyone either. And yes, I assume she wouldn't have expected everyone and his dog to know she was in labour. I certainly didn't want anyone knowing.

She's probably equally annoyed with your mum.

I might text somebody in labour because I would assume they would've turned their phone off if they didn't want messages! Wouldn't expect a reply of course. I don't think it's ever bad to send loving wishes to someone actually. If they made her grumpy is not your problem (bit then she didn't make it your problem either, she just sounded off elsewhere). Just try to forget about it, you sound nice.

Who told your Mum?

I had this when I was in labour and I still get snide digs that I was annoyed with my cousin for messaging me when I was in labour - I wasn’t, I was annoyed with my SIL for telling everyone and their dog that I was in labour which meant everyone sent me “just one message”.

You did a nice thing. Don't give it another thought!

It is a little odd. My phone was firmly off for Labour and birth.

I suspect this was a lot to do with every one getting a heads up she was in labour.

It’s a bit intrusive tbh. I received a text message from a distant relative telling me they were sorry to hear my labour wasn’t going well (it was worded better than that though!) they had the best intentions but I was so upset, I just didn’t like the idea that my family were talking about me, because we’d only shared that info with one family member. I’m sure she’ll be very busy though and will be in touch when she can

I wouldn’t have messaged. But I also wouldn’t be annoyed if I was in her situation.

I think both of you were being unreasonable.

Her for not turning her phone off so she couldn't be contacted as she risked having cold callers ringing her up and other randoms.

And you for texting. You should have waited until the baby was actually born to send congratulations.

Anyway forget about it.

She needs to get a grip... Word got round I was taken to hospital for a bleed and went into labour there.
Quite a few people messaged and in early labour to be honest it took my mind off worrying. Obviously when I didn't want to be contacted my phone went off/on silent and away.

Never fails to amaze me that people care that others know they are in labour... I mean your pregnant so baby has to arrive sometime.

As long as people arnt ringing you or turning up then a message can be responded to or not depending on the person's wishes.

I don't think you were unreasonable at all.

Have you considered that she hasn’t replied because she’s just had a baby? Literally just had a baby

The OP never mentioned anything about a lack of reply 🙄

Posters who say this is horribly intrusive, need to learn where the off button is on their phones!

In my opinion you did nothing wrong and, honestly, some of the replies make me appreciate how lucky I am that my family and friends don’t think like people on Mumsnet. Who could genuinely be bothered with such drama over a bloody text. If she was that bothered she could have said in advance please don’t contact me or turned her phone off OR set to do not disturb where you can make an ‘allowed’ list of contacts so those people can get through and everyone else can’t.

I think it's weird to have text. Tbh no one should have told you in the first place. I'd be cross if someone had blabbed to others when I was in labour. Generally, people don't know until you've had the baby. I wouldn't message someone who I knew was in labour unless they'd told me themselves. I think it's weird although I can't quite explain why.

I agree that she probably didn’t want people to know she was in labour.

And you for texting. You should have waited until the baby was actually born to send congratulations.*

She didn't send congratulations, she sent good luck. OP - you did a nice thing. Forget it.

Agreed - you did a nice thing, sounds like a lovely text to get.

I also think she's being really unkind to bitch to someone else (who then told you). Even if she thought it was intrusive, she must have known you meant well; she should have kept her thoughts to herself.