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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have messaged relative in labour

194 replies

Wingingthis · 23/05/2021 16:06

Was with DM and she got a call to say that a close relative of mine had gone into Labour. So I gave her a quick message just saying how exciting & good luck.
Relative didn’t reply but has said to someone else that she’s annoyed. I honestly just thought I was being nice, never expected a reply. I was talking to her about hypnobirthing a couple of weeks ago and personally appreciated it when I got nice texts when going into Labour.
I feel really bad now & like I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m probably over thinking it. But was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
21Flora · 23/05/2021 23:49

If she has told you she was using hypnobirthing techniques I can see why she’d be annoyed... my husband was under strict instructions to tell nobody until after the baby was born. I wanted to be able to concentrate without distractions.

NowtSoQueerAsFolk · 23/05/2021 23:59

If she wanted you to know she was in labour, she would have told you.

Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine telling someone something personal, then getting a text about it from a totally different person. Can you see why she might be annoyed yet?

Musication · 24/05/2021 00:23

I think it's fine. Whatever messages I got during labour/birth I didn't read till after anyway. As long as you don't expect a reply I can't see why it's a big drama.

Original poster
Wingingthis · 24/05/2021 06:33

Thanks all, I guess I should have given it more thought (I genuinely just thought I was being nice and sent it v quickly as a spur of the moment ‘thinking of you’ kind of message) like I said when my three were born, the last being very recently, I liked those messages so I didn’t really think it through that someone wouldn’t.
The news wasn’t spread like gossip, i just happened to be with DM when she was called so she told me as I was there, no updates after that and definitely no “updates on her cervix”.
Everyone is different and I know now from now on just not to say anything just in case

OP posts:
FunMcCool · 24/05/2021 06:42

It’s a bloody text message it can be ignored. She’s being OTT. Just put it down to hormones.

whosappleman · 24/05/2021 06:43

Wouldnt you turn your phone off if you were in labour?! Anyone could text about anything at all, if you don't want to be disturbed turn it off.
I don't think you did anything wrong OP

LunaLula83 · 24/05/2021 06:49

She's pissed off because Mil told everyone and she's pissed off with you because you've made it all about you.

sunnyblackwidow · 24/05/2021 06:49

I don't think you did anything wrong at all.

I'd be very wary of the person who relayed the message that she was annoyed back to you. They were stirring trouble and trying to make you feel bad for nothing.

OhToBeASeahorse · 24/05/2021 07:03

Blimey if this has annoyed her I would wonder how she makes it through most days without being annoyed.

OP you did nothing wrong. If she wanted no one to know she was in labour she should have said that she wanted it kept a secret.

Honestly the amount of drama some people manage to accrue never ceases to amaze me. It was a text. I didnt check my phone whilst in labour, the suggestion that its intrusive is, in my opinion, absolutely OTT.

Original poster
Wingingthis · 24/05/2021 07:05

@LunaLula83 how have I made it all about me if I text her saying good luck?

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 24/05/2021 07:13

[quote Wingingthis]@LunaLula83 how have I made it all about me if I text her saying good luck?[/quote]
What was your actual message?

Maybe the words you used annoyed her. I had a pretty dreadful traumatic first labour and I probably would have been a bit fucked off with one of those 'you'll do amazing!' messages, because I wasn't 'doing amazing' at all.

OTOH I wouldn't have gone whingeing to mummy.

And your mummy shouldn't have been passing on silly messages of supposed disapproval. How unhelpful.

Why do you think there's a problem, @Wingingthis?

Original poster
Wingingthis · 24/05/2021 07:16

@SpindleWhorl along the lines of... good luck, you’ll be great can’t wait to meet him (the baby).
The “you’ll be great” was in reference to when she specifically asked me about hypnobirthing a couple of weeks ago and I spoke to her about it/my experience.
You’re great in my view to get through any Labour, it doesn’t have to be textbook, but the fact you got through it makes you amazing. I have had my share of traumatic births

OP posts:
Saltyslug · 24/05/2021 07:17

She’s probably annoyed with the relative who told you and not yourself. She probably wanted to keep it quiet till afterwards

IAmMeThisIsI · 24/05/2021 07:17

Nah. YANBU. If her phone was going to bother her that much whilst in labor or if she was that busy at that moment then she wouldn't have had her phone near. What if she had a spam call/text? Or a call from a company about a bill? Or the wrong number? All you said was good luck! I would look at the bigger picture. Is she normally a grumpy mare? If not, I would give her a pass as she was giving birth and probably extremely stressed and in pain. If she's usually a precious cow then I would be blanking her hence forth.

Saltyslug · 24/05/2021 07:18

Didn’t want a fuss while in Labour. Lots of women don’t

HalzTangz · 24/05/2021 07:18

@Spied

Maybe she was 'in the zone' when her phone beeped and it totally put her off her stride. Maybe it beeped at an emotional or memorable time during the process. Labour is a private thing for a woman and perhaps she felt it was an intrusion. I'd not have text.
Then perhaps she should have silenced or turned off her phone
Saltyslug · 24/05/2021 07:19

Why where you told?

HalzTangz · 24/05/2021 07:33

@Crispychillibeef

I think it's weird to have text. Tbh no one should have told you in the first place. I'd be cross if someone had blabbed to others when I was in labour. Generally, people don't know until you've had the baby. I wouldn't message someone who I knew was in labour unless they'd told me themselves. I think it's weird although I can't quite explain why.
Then surely the woman should express her annoyance towards the person that spread the news and not to the people that send a good luck message
SpindleWhorl · 24/05/2021 07:56

Then surely the woman should express her annoyance towards the person that spread the news and not to the people that send a good luck message

She probably did, but the DM has projected that as a blame thing onto the OP in a very unhelpful way, rather than saying to the new mum, '@Wingingthis was with me when you rang, dear, it's hardly her fault,' and leaving the OP out of it.

saraclara · 24/05/2021 07:56

[quote Wingingthis]@LunaLula83 how have I made it all about me if I text her saying good luck?[/quote]
I'm not Luna, but you inserted yourself into the most private of times by sending a message, imo. You had some privileged information and wanted to be involved in it, instead of just leaving her alone.

Indoctro · 24/05/2021 08:03

She is a drama queen ignore her

MiddlesexGirl · 24/05/2021 08:04

You did nothing wrong. In fact what you did was lovely but for some very weird reason your relative and some people on here think it's intruding.
No .... it's not intruding. If you don't want to be interrupted in labour then turn the phone off or turn off notifications or get someone else to be in charge of it. It's really not difficult. Who else was she expecting not to intrude ... the delivery agents, scammers, all the people who don't even know she's gone into labour?

If she can't see you did a nice thing then more fool her.

majesticallyawkward · 24/05/2021 08:06

Only on MN is a text an unforgivable invasion of privacy.

OP it was a nice text, it's more likely she is annoyed you were told that's fine but don't take it personally. It's all a bit petty complaining to someone else who comes to tell you.

A friend who knew about my labour text to say good luck and we ended up messaging back and forth for a while, it's was lovely and kept my mind occupied but if I hadn't wanted that I'd have just ignored the text and neither of us would have thought twice about it.

ohthestruggles · 24/05/2021 08:12

She's massively over reacting, if she was honestly 'so busy' she wouldn't be wasting her time getting pissed off about one text.

SmileyClare · 24/05/2021 08:13

Maybe she was in the zone when her phone beeped, perhaps it beeped at an emotional or memorable time

If we're taking that view then no one should ever text a woman in the weeks around her due date in case she's in labour having a memorable moment.

I mean even if Op was unaware of her (sister's) labour, she might have text her "I'm in the Co op, do you need anything? There's an offer on jaffa cakes"