To have messaged relative in labour

[Wingingthis]

Was with DM and she got a call to say that a close relative of mine had gone into Labour. So I gave her a quick message just saying how exciting & good luck.
Relative didn’t reply but has said to someone else that she’s annoyed. I honestly just thought I was being nice, never expected a reply. I was talking to her about hypnobirthing a couple of weeks ago and personally appreciated it when I got nice texts when going into Labour.
I feel really bad now & like I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m probably over thinking it. But was I being unreasonable?

@AngelDelightUk

She’s annoyed your mum told you. She probably didn’t want everyone to know

This.

Personally I’d be annoyed if someone I or my husband hadn’t told I was in labour texted me knowing I was in labour. I’d probably be annoyed at the sender and the person who told them. I may moan to someone about it but I’d not make the sender feel bad and tell them how I felt. I just get on with my life.
She’s complained to someone and they’ve told you. Think that person shouldn’t have said anything to you. Wondering if it’s your mum that told you both she was in labour and she was moaning about you.

She sounds like a right diva.

I think it’s probably because perhaps she wanted it kept quiet that she was in labour, and perhaps she wanted to do the whole ‘surprise, baby has arrived’ text and it’s taken away a bit if people already know the birth is imminent. I wouldn’t take it to heart, you’re hearing it second hand for one thing and whoever is feeding you that is not being very kind either.

You did a nice thing op, nothing wrong that. I’ve found this to be the start of precious first born behaviour, they can’t differentiate between it being a life changing event for them but not for anyone else. A pregnant woman being in labour at full term is hardly breaking news.

If she wanted peace and privacy to hypnobirth, she could have turned off her phone

Everyone is different. I put my phone on silent from the start of my induction for the first few days because I was so sick of people messaging. It was just so intrusive and disruptive.

Ignore - she’ll have been annoyed the news spread but it’s a heightened time. It’s not your fault, just move on.

Unless you sent her 2 pages of hypnobirthing instructions along with the short text? Now that would be annoying

Maybe she wanted to "announce" her own labour on social media or something? People can be funny about updating their status and being the one with the breaking news, or doing those "live feed labours" on Instagram cringe

I'm sure this will all be forgotten once the baby arrives. Probably best not to text "congratulations" though..stick with the traditional New Baby card and present..

@katy1213

But it's horribly intrusive - if your presence and encouragement was wanted, she'd have invited you to be a birth partner.

So there's no gradation between radio silence and a bedside view of all the membranes?

Or was your point more that the OP's message was slightly like a 'pep talk', when she said 'she'd be great'?

Personally I'd be touched to know someone was keeping me in their thoughts and don't think I'd be irked by one phrased to try and give me confidence. It's possible her hormones made her feel rather defensive if it came over condescendingly.

If it’s your sister I think she’s being a little bit precious, but your mum (assuming she’s the one relaying it all back) is also shit stirring telling you. This is the fashion now though isn’t it, everyone wants to carefully stage manage their pregnancy/baby related information like they’re Beyoncé. People moan about being texted to ask how they’re feeling/if anything’s happening around their due date too - as if the sort of person that would complain about that would genuinely prefer to be ignored.

She may be a little precious or she's just experience a huge event that she's still trying to process. Maybe you weren't supposed to know, or she'd only told certain people in an attempt to have a quiet labour. Not your fault, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding or just her popping out a baby! Don't take it to heart, she'll be too busy now to be thinking about it.

Whoever told you she was in labour and that she didn't like your text is a massive shit stirrer.

I take it it's your mother?

Woman tells relative who tells DM who tells OP that she’s in labour. Later, woman tells X that she’s annoyed with OP, and X tells OP (or another person who tells OP).

The people who are in the wrong here are all the tattle tales inbetween OP and the new mum. Poor woman can’t do anything without it being broadcast on the family grapevine.

@MiddleParking

If it’s your sister I think she’s being a little bit precious, but your mum (assuming she’s the one relaying it all back) is also shit stirring telling you. This is the fashion now though isn’t it, everyone wants to carefully stage manage their pregnancy/baby related information like they’re Beyoncé. People moan about being texted to ask how they’re feeling/if anything’s happening around their due date too - as if the sort of person that would complain about that would genuinely prefer to be ignored.

Or maybe some people just like their privacy?

Bollocks is it stage managing. If you know someone's in labour you give them privacy and quiet.

If she didn't want any distractions, the phone should've been switched off. And if she's annoyed that people knew she was in labour, she should trace that annoyance back to the first person who told someone who wasn't "approved". It's certainly no fault of yours. I'd forget it.

@PurpleDaisies

Have you considered that she hasn’t replied because she’s just had a baby? Literally just had a baby?

You’ve completely misunderstood the AIBU Purple 🤦🏻‍♀️

Says who? It’s hardly an established universal rule. I wanted no such thing when I was in labour, especially from my own sister - I was at various stages scared and then beside myself with excitement and wanted to update/hear from my family and a couple of close friends. Besides which, a text is not an intrusion on privacy because it’s designed to be read at the receiver’s leisure. If she’d been too in the zone or in theatre or whatever then presumably she’d have left her phone alone and never have seen said text until afterwards.

I think some people want to present a fait accompli.

She will probably have a long list of rules when you try and meet baby.

YANBU.
If she didn't want messages, she should have turned her phone off.

Personally I’d have found it intrusive which is why I didn’t tell a single person that I was in labour! Apart from dh. 😄

Then she should have asked OP’s mum to keep the news to herself.

Who is the relative @Wingingthis?

Sister?

YANBU
I wouldn't take her annoyance to heart. Looking back to the hours and days post birth, there were various ways I reacted to things which in hindsight were not rational. It's an emotional time with hormones, exhaustion etc.

@PurpleDaisies

Have you considered that she hasn’t replied because she’s just had a baby? Literally just had a baby?

But she did respond - to another relative to moan about op's message 🤷🏻‍♀️