To think it would be easy to live without sex

404 replies

Viv08 · 22/05/2021 16:11

DH & I have been together 14 years, married for 4.

Had our first baby last year.

Since the birth of our baby, DH & I have only had sex twice.
Prior to the birth of our baby, we would have sex 1 maybe twice a week.

If I’m honest I just can’t be bothered, but I actually don’t miss or crave it.

It just seems like it’s a thing that I should probably
do, but I don’t really want to.

I do feel for DH because I know he’d love to, but I just do not feel any desire what so ever to get naked (even partially) and have sex with him.

If I’m honest, I barely even want to kiss him.

He’s not pushy in the slightest but he pays me so many compliments, asks for kisses, initiates physical contact, but I don’t want to...

A few days ago DC was in bed and DH suggested we “go wild” on the dining room table.. 🙄

I told him he was being ridiculous and I went to bed.

I just don’t see what the big fuss is about sex and I really don’t think it would bother me if I never had sex again.....

OP posts:

Shelovesamystery · 31/05/2021 16:01

Okay so the comments that you've mentioned wouldn't put me off at all. DH and I make comments like that to each other and they are either jokey or flirting, when flirting it could mean"I want it later (not a good time rn)" or "I want it now". Another PP mentioned not liking romantic build ups to sex, preferring heat of the moment, passionate, getting straight into it kind of sex. I am exactly the same. You are not like that. Absolutely nothing wrong with not being like that but it kind of sounds like your DH is like that, so he needs you to be completely straight and open with him about what you do like.

If you don't like those comments then that's completely fine, tell him again. Tell him every time he makes a comment. Show him what you do want, take the lead and start the romance yourself. If my DH felt like you about wanting romantic build ups then I would need guidance from him tbh. It wouldn't come naturally to me at all.

I 100% think that your main problem here is communication.

theleafandnotthetree · 31/05/2021 16:23

@Shelovesamystery

I 100% think that your main problem here is communication.

I'm the pp who liked it quick and dirty

and I agree that the issue here seems to be different sexual styles combined with poor communication. Talk to the man and don't sugarcoat it. You may or may not be able to find a compromise in terms of how you relate to one another sexually but if you are both very clear on how you like it, at least it's a start

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 02/06/2021 11:36

I'm confused. You enjoyed having sex with him but don't know if you still fancy him. It sounds like the comments he makes are putting you off so I would gently tell him they're not a turn on.

Getawaywithit · 02/06/2021 11:46

I was like this about sex, OP. My ex had a long affair and eventually left. He got really nasty post-leaving. Took me a long term to come to terms with it and a small fortune in counselling. I hated him, if the truth be known. He had done nothing but lie to me. In a rose-tinted haze in the early years, I allowed the fact he was a ‘good man’ to cloud the fact that actions (or lack of them) speak louder than words. In the end, I realised I didn’t want to have sex because I was no longer attracted to him. It was that simple. Wasted too many years figuring it out and even more years married to a really unpleasant man.

I would urge you to see counselling to see if there is something not quite right with your relationship. It might help put things right for you. If not, it may help you come to terms with ending your relationship before the decision is taken out of your hands. It would be better for all of you if things could end amicably.,

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