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Original poster

How would you punish a 15 year old who told you to piss off?

638 replies

Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 13:53

Stepson lives with me full time, no mother in the picture. Told all 4 children during the week that I wanted them to help around the house this morning and to not make plans.

He came down ready to go at nine, conversation went back and forth for a few mins, he left. I then messaged him and told him he was grounded when he got home and no pocket money for 2 weeks. He then told me to piss off and to get a grip. When I said you're grounded now he said oh ok, but I'm not.

Not gonna lie, I wanted to fucking throttle him.

I've removed his PlayStation, think I'll go for the phone later too, he will be grounded and no pocket money for at least two weeks.

He's turning 16 in June, I ordered him an IPhone just yesterday that he has wanted for a long time and cancelled it this morning, fuck that, now he can piss off. He didn't know about the phone as it was a surprise.

Little shit.

OP posts:
purplefoxglove · 22/05/2021 22:23

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

I have a 17 year old and a 21 year old. We have brilliant relationships but if either of them told me to piss off, i would go mental.
Would you expect to put them in a position where they felt the need to tell you to piss off? There has to be some ownership of the adult response here.
Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 22/05/2021 22:33

I certainly wouldn't expect them to behave in the way the op's son has. It is really, really disrespectful. They have to know that a family works as a team and everyone has to pull their weight. My kids know i have their back but they also know that means they have to have mine too.

MiddlesexGirl · 22/05/2021 22:34

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

I have a 17 year old and a 21 year old. We have brilliant relationships but if either of them told me to piss off, i would go mental.
I have brilliant teens and older. If any of them ever told me to piss off I'd know that something was seriously wrong either with something I'd said or done or with some other aspect of their life. It would immediately ring alarm bells and they wouldn't be the sort that would have me jumping to the 'punishment' book.

Also a little concerned OP that you said 'my dc wouldn't do this'. I hope you don't view your biological DC in a different way to your step DC, especially given that he has lived with you full time for so many years, because that would be highly likely to be a contributing factor in your step DC's reaction.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 22:42

@MiddlesexGirl he told me to piss off cos I told him he was grounded. As in, no I'm not, piss off. He doesn't need a hug, he needs to be told that's not on.

OP posts:
MeadowLines · 22/05/2021 22:44

I'd just like to point out I wouldn't accept being told to piss off by any of my dc no matter their age. My posts were purely about what I thought was an escalating amount of consequences, but it seems you didnt do all of those. Hopefully now he's home

purplefoxglove · 22/05/2021 22:47

[quote Sillawithans]@MiddlesexGirl he told me to piss off cos I told him he was grounded. As in, no I'm not, piss off. He doesn't need a hug, he needs to be told that's not on.[/quote]
Of course he needs to be told that's not on - he also need to be taught the appropriate way to respond to a situation that doesn't suit him - fill the gap with instruction.

Maggiesfarm · 22/05/2021 22:50

Sillwithans: "He's not a bad kid, just being a usual teenager but piss off, nope, fuck off."

Can you not see the irony of your above statement? Not the first time on this thread.

Of course he shouldn't have told you to piss off, that was rude, but not the end of the world surely. He probably thought his foul mouthed stepmother wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Phone a cleaning agency on Monday and pay someone to come in for three hours one day a week or a fortnight. Get the kids to tidy up their rooms the night before they come.

Two weeks without any pocket money is a bit much for this offence. Nobody has died. As long as he acknowledges he was wrong to say 'piss off' and commits to not saying it again. let it go. No doubt he will feel bad about it. He is sixteen next month, not a little kid any more.

HangingOver · 22/05/2021 23:17

He’s 15 FFS. I’m surprised it was only a piss off and not a fuck you

Does anything on MN ever warrant a proper bollocking? Grin

I was a bit of a brat when I was a teen but if I'd ever told my mother to piss off my ears would still be ringing today.

NewMatress · 22/05/2021 23:25

My dad once made me write lines for calling my mum a cow. I remember feeling really hard done to because it wasn't language I normally used and it wasn't, in fact, what I'd meant to say at the time, it had just popped out in a high stress situation.

RosaBudDrood · 22/05/2021 23:33

@TinaYouFatLard

Grounded for two weeks, no pocket money, no PlayStation, no phone and no big gift for his 16th.

You are massively overreacting. He’s 15 FFS. I’m surprised it was only a piss off and not a fuck you.

And you think that's okay?

Jesus, it's no wonder some men think they can talk to women like shit if that's what they were allowed to get away with.

Rave2thegrave · 22/05/2021 23:35

Erm, you are setting yourself up here.

Lolwhat · 22/05/2021 23:49

You sound like an arse

Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 00:07

@purplefoxglove I’d love you to come back in a couple of years and share your wisdom then - at the moment you don’t have a clue!

Nice sneer, but my son is 19, and would never think to open his mouth to me that way. Mostly because he knows we would not tolerate it.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 00:07

@Maggiesfarm foul mouthed stepmother, ok dear.

Don't need a cleaner, read the thread and you'll understand why.

OP posts:
Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 00:14

@Maggiesfarm
Phone a cleaning agency on Monday and pay someone to come in for three hours one day a week or a fortnight. Get the kids to tidy up their rooms the night before they come.

Fgs she was having work done on the house, it was a one off (though I think they should be cleaning regularly, but it’s not my home), on top of that it was agreed between them all. He changed his mind and told her he wasn’t doing it after she reminded him. Things escalated from there.

She isn’t getting a cleaner so children can get away from doing one thing that benefits them on one occasion.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 00:15

Well he's home, we had a chat. He said he's very sorry for what he said, he didn't mean it. I said that's not how we speak to each other in this house and it wasn't going to start now. Told him I understand he was frustrated, I accept his apology and we'll move on. Then we had a chat about why he was late home and how nice the kitchen tiles look. He ate his dinner and we're back to normal.

Thankfully he doesn't think I'm an arse and actually quite likes me.

OP posts:
Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 00:16

Also a little concerned OP that you said 'my dc wouldn't do this'. I hope you don't view your biological DC in a different way to your step DC

BINGO

purplefoxglove · 23/05/2021 00:16

[quote Faultymain5]**@purplefoxglove* I’d love you to come back in a couple of years and share your wisdom then - at the moment you don’t have a clue!*

Nice sneer, but my son is 19, and would never think to open his mouth to me that way. Mostly because he knows we would not tolerate it.[/quote]
Great - good for you, you win the parenting award! - you didn't go through the experience! My son did at 13, I didn't confiscate his life, I talked to him - we discussed how he could communicate when he was frustrated (and how I could respond better)- he never did it again and we both learned by the experience.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 00:17

Thank you @Faultymain5. This thread has taught me never to comment unless I read the full thread or at the very least disclose that I haven't!

OP posts:
Foxhasbigsocks · 23/05/2021 00:17

Really glad all ok. He actually sounds like he was quite conciliatory - good to hear an apology and that he said tiles were nice!! Teens just act out - I did and now I’m quite nice and not selfish, honest!

Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 00:18

@Sillawithans
Well done you. You don’t sound like you’re controlling at all. And it seems he’s okay. Good luck going forward.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 00:22

I'm absolutely do not treat him differently to my biological children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 00:23

Thank you @Faultymain5 for your support today. No of us are perfect and this parenting teens can be hard work Wine

OP posts:
Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 00:24

@purplefoxglove
Great - good for you, you win the parenting award! - you didn't go through the experience! My son did at 13, I didn't confiscate his life, I talked to him - we discussed how he could communicate when he was frustrated (and how I could respond better)- he never did it again and we both learned by the experience.

But it’s not about parenting awards, you sneered at someone telling them they know nothing (after the already admitted they knew nothing). I pointed out I made it to the other side with the expectation that I don’t swear at them and they will not swear at me.

My DS is going through issues now so it’s not perfect, but basic manners and respect are not lacking both ways. Btw it is fine to multitask you can talk and provide consequences to actions.

Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 00:27

@Sillawithans

Thank you *@Faultymain5* for your support today. No of us are perfect and this parenting teens can be hard work Wine
No worries. I only ask you to pay it forward whenever you can. It’s what mumsnet is supposed to be there for.