Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you punish a 15 year old who told you to piss off?

638 replies

Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 13:53

Stepson lives with me full time, no mother in the picture. Told all 4 children during the week that I wanted them to help around the house this morning and to not make plans.

He came down ready to go at nine, conversation went back and forth for a few mins, he left. I then messaged him and told him he was grounded when he got home and no pocket money for 2 weeks. He then told me to piss off and to get a grip. When I said you're grounded now he said oh ok, but I'm not.

Not gonna lie, I wanted to fucking throttle him.

I've removed his PlayStation, think I'll go for the phone later too, he will be grounded and no pocket money for at least two weeks.

He's turning 16 in June, I ordered him an IPhone just yesterday that he has wanted for a long time and cancelled it this morning, fuck that, now he can piss off. He didn't know about the phone as it was a surprise.

Little shit.

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 23/05/2021 08:31

You said you’d already removed his PlayStation and cancelled his iPhone birthday present anyway. When I think that the apology and talking about it is more appropriate.
Just thinking that now you have to reinstate everything you took away / decided to take away might be an indication that it was a knee jerk angry reaction in the first place.

Karwomannghia · 23/05/2021 08:32

If you decide sorry.

louisiannah · 23/05/2021 08:35

@Howshouldibehave

My own children are 13, she's in year 6 in primary, I've a 13 year old daughter in first year, year 7 and my 14 year old son is in year 8.

Why are all of your children in the wrong age group?

The Ops youngest child should be in Year 7 if the DC is 12. The middle child should be in year 8 or 9 depending on their birthday if they are 13. The OPs oldest child should be in year 9/10 depending on their birthday if they are 14.

E.g my youngest sister has just turned 14 this month (May 2021) and she is in Year 9 in England. My young brother has just turned 16 last month (April 2021) and is in Year 11 about to leave school. So the ages for year groups go as follows:

Year 7: 11 years old turning 12 whilst in year 7.
*
Year 8:* 12 years old turning 13 whilst in year 8.

Year 9: 13 years old, turns 14 in year 9.

Year 10: 14 years old, turns 15 in year 10.

Year 11: 15 years old, turns 16 and leaves school to then go onto sixth form or college.

The OP is very clearly lying about all of the children's ages or there is a massive backstory to this whole family

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 08:41

The PlayStation I hadn't actually removed, think I mentioned it later on in the thread, phone he knew nothing about. I'll probably just starve him all day and lock him in the cupboard under the stairs being the wicked step mother that I am Grin issue was resolved for me so I'm happy with that.

Thanks to everyone for your comments, I've 3 other teenagers so more than likely I'll be back soon!

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 23/05/2021 08:42

@louisiannah The OP is in Ireland, school starts later and finishes later the dates are still off but this DC joined late from abroad.
Wasn't unusual years ago there was 7 y.o in juniors/p1 UK if they arrived in Ireland without education yet.
The punishments seems OTT but your house your rulz.
DP DM's was strict on punishment he still finds it difficult to be assertive as an adult.

sweetypop · 23/05/2021 08:44

@Sillawithans

The PlayStation I hadn't actually removed, think I mentioned it later on in the thread, phone he knew nothing about. I'll probably just starve him all day and lock him in the cupboard under the stairs being the wicked step mother that I am Grin issue was resolved for me so I'm happy with that.

Thanks to everyone for your comments, I've 3 other teenagers so more than likely I'll be back soon!

I'm with you op, also a step mum and unless you're laying down with a smile on your face while your kids run a mock and then mumsnet will tell you you're controlling, abusive and all the rest of it... you would have had a much different response if you'd left out the part where you're step mum
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 08:46

@louisiannah we are not in UK.
My youngest is 12, 13 in Sept. I corrected that typo in my next post I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 08:48

@EmeraldShamrock if you tell me why you think the dates are still off, I'm happy to help clear that up. Though I'm unsure what you mean by dates.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 08:51

@sweetypop honesty was not best policy here Grin

OP posts:
KarensChoppyGob · 23/05/2021 08:51

Glad you could come to some resolution OP. Nothing worse than a horrible atmosphere at home.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/05/2021 08:53

if you tell me why you think the dates are still off, I'm happy to help clear that up. Though I'm unsure what you mean by dates.
You already cleared it up by writing DS started school later from abroad.
I'm glad it is sorted anyway, he won't do it again in a hurry.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 08:58

I was almost digging out their passports and posting a pic of their DOB on here Smile

OP posts:
Tiffanny · 23/05/2021 09:09

Is he 16 (almost) and in school, year 8 with 12/13 year olds?

That's gotta be harsh

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 09:13

@tiffany, he's with boys aged 14/15.

My 14 year old son is in the same year and he's 15 in July.

They could be younger depending on how their birthday falls in the school year I suppose.

OP posts:
Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 23/05/2021 09:13

I've only read page one but it depends on the over all context really, if you normally have a good relationship, Id speak to him after and say it hurt your feelings, he's not normally like this, what's wrong, doesn't he feel he should help out and why.

Ie reason and rational.

If the relationship is bad generally then that needs working on and from your side but will be tough with a late teen?

Smashing in with punishments like this won't help him learn to respect you and it won't make him like you it will make this mush worse.

I have a wondeful kind respectful dd whose not quite that age and stage yet but I'm bracing for the painful teen years.. And fully expect to be told this!

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 23/05/2021 09:15

I never post correct details and believe its madness to do so when so many posts get lifted into the natinal press.

I can't understand the posters who spend their time drilling down into the details of posts?

Twoforthree · 23/05/2021 09:16

Just make him do an hour of chores to make up the lost time and then a bit extra for good will, and move on. That’ll teach him more than removing the play station etc.

Imapotato · 23/05/2021 09:37

For that misdemeanour I’d say an apology and a couple of days of either grounding or loss of phone for a few days would be appropriate.

I haven’t read the whole thread so sorry if more had come to light that I’ve missed.

LadyDanburysCane · 23/05/2021 10:02

[quote Sillawithans]@LadyDanburysCane not confused, he won't get anywhere with junior cert results. Leaving cert is equivalent to gcse's in terms of needing those results to get into higher education. You need a certain amount of points.[/quote]
You won’t get into higher education with GCSEs in England either. You have to have A levels- I know because my DD got a levels and went to University (higher education). DS unable to do A levels because he didn’t manage decent GCSEs because of learning difficulties.

DumplingsAndStew · 23/05/2021 10:06

This thread is utterly bonkers.

"My 15 year old was dye to do a couple of chores this morning. I reminded him when he looked set to go out, and he told me to piss off."

"YABU, you can't expect a teenager to do chores. Get a cleaner."

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 10:09

@LadyDanburysCane higher education being college after secondary school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 10:12

@DumplingsAndStew I think I had 6 replies within minutes of posting thread and thought oh god here we go, it's all kicking off in here Grin

OP posts:
HerMammy · 23/05/2021 10:15

Why are so many finding it difficult that not everywhere has the English school system??
If OP had said my DS and not stepson the replies would have been completely different, usual MN attitude to step parents.

LadyDanburysCane · 23/05/2021 10:21

He did one thing wrong. You need to choose one punishment

He didn’t do one thing wrong though. He had agreed to helping in the house (where he lives) and then went out AND he then told an adult to “piss off”. I have a now 23 yo and an 18 yo and would have used very similar punishments to OP if they’d behaved like that.

LadyDanburysCane · 23/05/2021 10:33

[quote Sillawithans]@LadyDanburysCane higher education being college after secondary school.[/quote]
Oh right. In England higher education is degree level for post 18. College is for 16-19 and called further education. Sorry for the muddle.

I’m glad your DSS came home and you had a civilised chat and he apologised. I hope you have a peaceful Sunday and the cleaning got done one way or another.

My DS (18) has been asked to clean his bathroom (it’s the main bathroom but with no visitors due to lockdown he’s the only one who uses it), if he doesn’t do as asked he WILL face consequences so maybe I’ll post and can get the MN cool parents to switch their hate from you to me 😆

Swipe left for the next trending thread