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Original poster

How would you punish a 15 year old who told you to piss off?

638 replies

Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 13:53

Stepson lives with me full time, no mother in the picture. Told all 4 children during the week that I wanted them to help around the house this morning and to not make plans.

He came down ready to go at nine, conversation went back and forth for a few mins, he left. I then messaged him and told him he was grounded when he got home and no pocket money for 2 weeks. He then told me to piss off and to get a grip. When I said you're grounded now he said oh ok, but I'm not.

Not gonna lie, I wanted to fucking throttle him.

I've removed his PlayStation, think I'll go for the phone later too, he will be grounded and no pocket money for at least two weeks.

He's turning 16 in June, I ordered him an IPhone just yesterday that he has wanted for a long time and cancelled it this morning, fuck that, now he can piss off. He didn't know about the phone as it was a surprise.

Little shit.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 23/05/2021 10:41

he won't get anywhere with junior cert results. Leaving cert is equivalent to gcse's in terms of needing those results to get into higher education. You need a certain amount of points.

You won’t get into higher education with GCSEs in England either. You have to have A levels- I know

OP I live in Ireland and have lived in the UK. Junior certificate is GCSE's it is the minimum requirement for leaving school, tech is available similar to youth-reach an obair but you won't get to college with GCSE's/Junior certificate, you need A levels/leaving certificate.
20 years ago most around here left school after junior certificate including myself now it is unheard of in most areas.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 10:41

@LadyDanburysCane I was definitely public enemy number 1 yesterday Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 10:46

@EmeraldShamrock yes, exactly my point, he needs his leaving cert to get anywhere. If either my 2 boys realised they could leave after junior cert the bed be out of school like a shot. I'm big on education so I'm hoping they'll continue onto college. Hard enough to convince them to do transition year mind.

OP posts:
user1496146479 · 23/05/2021 10:49

@Tiktokersmiracle

Wow you sound like a nightmare. Do you behave as harshly to your own children?

He's 15! They've just spent months and months shut in on lockdown. Of course they want to go out now they can
He's not your cleaner.

Sorry but you sound utterly vindictive, the poor kid clearly has issues from his mum not being around and he gets a bully for a step mum.

I'm guessing reading comprehension is not your strong point, if that's your take having read the OP's posts!
EmeraldShamrock · 23/05/2021 10:55

Hard enough to convince them to do transition year mind. If they are losing interest I'd skip transition and head for the leaving certificate.
My niece is 16 in 6th year she refused transition she is looking forward to university.
Don't panic college/university is very much on the cards throughout 6th year there is so much focus and variety of choices available.
I think it is great the new generation are focused on a career so young.
Mine aren't teenagers yet but already know 3rd level education isn't an option it is a vital part of life.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 11:03

@EmeraldShamrock I agree if they are losing interest then better to skip it. I also talk about college, uni as if it's mandatory like secondary school. It's so hard to get them to understand how important education is as they can't think ahead further than what they're having for dinner. God knows how I will afford it! One of my daughter's wants to be a surgeon so she might chip in Grin

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 23/05/2021 11:29

@Sillawithans 🤣 The seeds are buried even if they're subconsciously dormant ATT they'll grow.

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 23/05/2021 11:36

Glad you had a chat and he has apologised, OP.

I know you said you're going to discuss it with him but what do you think the punishment will be now you have both calmed down? Make sure you make him do the chores/cleaning today.

Ps Hope you change your mind about his Birthday present, he doesn't seem to be a bad kid.

spittycup · 23/05/2021 11:57

These "overreaction" replies must be from teens or the permissive parents of rude teens.

You're probably right but that doesn't make us wrong either

I'm only just out of my teens and also a parent, and I had a step parent at home. I can see both sides

Given the context/relationship OP has with her stepson, I definitely would be vexed at how he's acted. There's probably a backstory. She hasn't been on the scene all that long, they probably aren't besties.

Should he be reprimanded? Sure. That can just be verbal, at the time. If he escalates and refuses to apologise etc. Then withhold the new phone

I think that's what most people would do. step relationships usually aren't great and having been a SC this would make me hate OP , as a teen (rightly or wrongly), by doing all that extra stuff.

Karwomannghia · 23/05/2021 12:04

I think even the OP has conceded it was an overreaction considering she’s not going through with the majority of the punishments threatened. I’m a parent of 2 teens btw who are good kids and don’t need behaviour modification through rewards and punishments.

SavingsQuestions · 23/05/2021 12:15

I assess "behaviour that challenges" courses and no punishments like this are not recommended. Its worth reading around the issue and looking at some parenting/psychology books as mentioned before.

As so many have said, avoiding the power struggle, learning to "pause" and not retaliate, working with your child on what the underlying issue is, looking at how our own behaviour escalates a situation, etc are all amazing skills to develop and be aware of. Part of it is a mindset shift, but very much part of what is taught now!

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 12:24

@EmeraldShamrock noooooooo Grin

@ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced I'll probably just get him to help out today with a bit of tidying up specific to the job he was meant to help with yesterday. When he's up I'll explain to him that he's not grounded if he does that rather than it looking like I back tracked and I'm a wet lettuce. I'll more than likely still getting him the phone as 16 is a special birthday and I was so looking forward to seeing the look on his face. I've ordered a skateboard cake for him and a day out with his friends to do whatever they want. He'll probably just go to the skate park with them and I'll give him money to get everyone McDonald's or something, then he'll have a family meal with us.

OP posts:
SavingsQuestions · 23/05/2021 12:27

That sounds a fab plan and the birthday plans sound fantastic! You obviously care a lot for him 😊.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 12:27

@SavingsQuestions I will indeed have a read about parenting teens as it's a whole different ball game to parenting smallies and I recognise a deep breath is far more constructive than an angry knee jerk reaction.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 23/05/2021 12:28

Aw, I like your update.

SavingsQuestions · 23/05/2021 12:30

I think with anything we read on line we just get a snapshot. And in isolation the OP read like a huge overreaction - but from other posts it isn't what you did or who you are normally. Its soooo normal to have all those feelings and what to explode when kids are like that though and venting them isnt a bad thing in itself (as in here/on paper/while exercisig or however you handle frustration, rather than at the child!)

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 12:30

@SavingsQuestions I love this child and my partner and I recently talked about me adopting him. He has honestly been a pleasure to raise.....so far Smile

OP posts:
SavingsQuestions · 23/05/2021 12:32

Oh that is so lovely to read. (My post a few posts up wasn't directed to you specifically btw but in response to the idea that those of us posting as we have were inexperienced!)

CornishPastyDownUnder · 23/05/2021 12:33

yeah pick ur battles..total overreaction-he probably wouldve come&said sorry later-i have 2 teens&its their M.O..I tend to laugh&say "so do i get an apology now or later?" and sometimes i say "yep you can piss off too-up to your room".i think pushing buttons&punitive punishments because you feel slighted are a hiding to nothing.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 12:40

@spittycup I have been in his life since he was 8, that's half of his life almost so not really 5 mins to be fair. I'm really all he has ever known as a mother figure. Of course he hates me sometimes but so do my biological children. I'm really not the wicked stepmother. This step thing is never mentioned in our house, my partner and I always refer to the children as our children, when asked individually how many kids we have we'd say 4. In his school he refers to me as mam. We get on very well and I love him.

Not everyone has a good experience with a step parent but for me it's an absolute privilege to step in and help raise the boy when his mother walked away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 12:43

@CornishPastyDownUnder great user name by the way Grin we have those moments too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 12:44

@SavingsQuestions no problem even if it was Smile

OP posts:
Skyla2005 · 23/05/2021 12:49

Why does he have to help around the house he probably wanted to be with his friends. You are making the problem so much worse. You could of rung his and said is it on to help as soon as you come home and he probably would have been fine about it. If you talk to teenagers aggressively they will be aggressive back. All your gonna do is make him hate you

Astella22 · 23/05/2021 12:54

It’s really shocking to see the amount of posters who seam to think it’s ok to tell a parent to ‘piss off’ and who think the OP is unreasonable to punish because of it. I think someone even said he just needed a hug ffs what hope do kids have if the adults in their life don’t step in and show them how to function in society.
Sounds like your doing a fantastic job OP

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 13:00

@Skyla2005 your first question was covered between pages 1 to 24 if you want to read them Grin said nicely

OP posts:
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