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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to stop daughter’s therapy

178 replies

Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:18

So dd has been going to therapy since last year , she now seems stable but her mental illness is classed as severe . Dd has had a countless amount of attempts in her life and I feel I have failed her as a parent . Now she’s doing okay and I can’t afford her therapy , most charities will not take her on as she’s had therapy and she’s been on the NHS waiting list since she was in camhs , she’s now an adult aibu to stop paying for her therapy ?she’s paid for a few sessions here and there but it seems unfair to make her pay as it’s not her fault she’s gone through trauma .

So aibu to suggest she stops therapy as she’s doing okay ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:30

Anyone ?Flowers

OP posts:
JivingCoffeeCup · 22/05/2021 08:30

Is it because of the therapy that she is doing so well though? Therefore stopping it would she go down again? Is that a risk you are both willing to take? I think it would be a discussion you should have together if she is an adult. If she is on the NHS waiting list could the GP chase it for you? Sorry no direct experience just thoughts x

toffeebutterpopcorn · 22/05/2021 08:32

How old is she. And don’t feel a failure for goodness sake - a relative of mine was a senior child psychologist and lecturer, and his child also had/has severe MI and attempted suicide.

DinosaurDiana · 22/05/2021 08:33

If you can’t afford you can’t afford it. She’ll just have to have what she can afford.
Has she asked the GP to push her referral to adult services ?

Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:33

She chases up the waiting list every two weeks but isn’t keen to have NHS therapy as she can’t pick who the therapist it .

I think it’s a balance of medication and therapy but she can’t be in therapy forever

OP posts:
Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:36

Every time she attempts, she’s put to the bottom of the waiting list as they need a period of stability which is why she’s been on the list for so long . She works but it’s not something she can afford

OP posts:
anxietyanonymous · 22/05/2021 08:37

Can you decrease slowly? Go from
Weekly to fortnightly. And then from fortnightly to monthly. Means she still has the support system for regular check ins and can call and make an emergency extra appointment if having a bad day.

Id be cautious. But that doesnt mean things have to remain exactly as they are.

ShinyMe · 22/05/2021 08:38

She needs to discuss that with her therapist too, stopping suddenly isn't a good idea, they will want to work towards a safe discharge. That means working on ways for her to self support as time goes on, and maybe tapering down sessions gradually to once a fortnight and then once a month etc for a bit before they just stop.
It may well be that the regular sessions are the thing keeping her going so well at the moment.

Sexnotgender · 22/05/2021 08:38

@Blobbydobby

She chases up the waiting list every two weeks but isn’t keen to have NHS therapy as she can’t pick who the therapist it .

I think it’s a balance of medication and therapy but she can’t be in therapy forever

If she’s not the one paying she can’t be so picky.

She needs to accept the NHS therapy.

If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:39

Yes , it would be a slow session decrease , going down to once a week , once fortnightly etc. This would also make it more affordable but I’m worried dd will resent me or get worse

OP posts:
Tulipomania · 22/05/2021 08:39

Well if you can find a way to continue to pay for it then you should, yes. You don't want your daughter's progress to be set back. I would prioritise this above any optional spending.

Although she should also give the NHS therapy a try if she can - she may find the therapist is compatible and can always go back to the private therapist if it doesn't work out.

Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:40

At the minute she’s being picky because there’s only one female therapist in the NHS team she’s referred to and with her trauma she doesn’t think she’ll be able to cope .

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Sexnotgender · 22/05/2021 08:41

How old is she? Sounds like she’s an adult.

Reallybadidea · 22/05/2021 08:42

Some therapists or trainee therapists offer reduced fees for people on low incomes. This might be a good place to start freepsychotherapynetwork.com/organisations-offering-low-cost-psychotherapy/

Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:42

She’s 19 . She hasn’t said no completely to NHS therapy as she’s still on the list and understands it’s a big expensive for me and I’m already in debt which she knows

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NoSquirrels · 22/05/2021 08:42

If you can’t afford it then it’s hard. If she could commit to paying 50% could you pay 50%? Can she cut the frequency of visits down a bit (once every 3 weeks not once a week?) Has the therapist discussed payment options - do they know she’s struggling to pay?

Therapy is expensive and finding a therapist you trust and get good results with is really key. When you say she’s had several attempts I assume you mean she’s been actively suicidal- I’d try to prioritise anything I could in this instance to keep her stable and it can be a long road. How much are the sessions and what does she earn? What are you struggling with paying in your life to afford it?

Very difficult Flowers

Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:43
  • big expense for me .

Sessions are £65 and she has two a week as this is what the therapist recommended after trialling once a week

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 22/05/2021 08:44

@Blobbydobby

She’s 19 . She hasn’t said no completely to NHS therapy as she’s still on the list and understands it’s a big expensive for me and I’m already in debt which she knows
Ah 19 is tricky. She’s still so young.

I was paying for intensive therapy for my 17 year old. Thankfully she’s got a great therapist through CAMHS. I know how expensive therapy is 😕

toffeebutterpopcorn · 22/05/2021 08:44

Is she taking medication? What is she doing ‘for herself’?

NoSquirrels · 22/05/2021 08:44

Most people couldn’t afford 2x £65 sessions a week. You’re not unreasonable to need to cut this down.

Sexnotgender · 22/05/2021 08:45

Gosh 2 a week is very expensive!

I agree can you pay 1/2 each?

Sssloou · 22/05/2021 08:45

What is her diagnosis and what meds is she on? Is her MH issue related to one event?

How many sessions is she having a week?

How long has it been since she has felt more stable? Has she told you she is feeling more stable or is it something you have observed?

Do you consider it a different and profound and sustained shift in stability?

Dita73 · 22/05/2021 08:46

Is there anyway you can talk to the therapist and explain the situation?

NoSquirrels · 22/05/2021 08:46

But I wouldn’t describe her - even in your head - as ‘picky’. I know you don’t mean that in a bad way but it could come across wrong - “you can’t afford to be picky, DD” - you really should be picky with mental health issues because trust is so key to therapy working.

Original poster
Blobbydobby · 22/05/2021 08:46

@toffeebutterpopcorn

Is she taking medication? What is she doing ‘for herself’?
Yes she’s on quite a lot of medication, sees a mental health team every so often but it’s not therapy .

She pays her own phone bill and for her car so by the end of the month she has nothing . She’s considering cancelling her gym membership to help pay but it’s been great for her mental health

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