DD’s friends changing gender at school

[AFS1]

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

Every time I see another ‘celeb’ saying that they’re non-binary, I think that they haven’t got enough to think about. I rarely consider my gender because I’m too fucking busy.

Get kids away from screens and out in nature, or volunteering and they just might be happier.

There speaketh the old fogey.

@Imissmoominmama

Every time I see another ‘celeb’ saying that they’re non-binary, I think that they haven’t got enough to think about. I rarely consider my gender because I’m too fucking busy.

Get kids away from screens and out in nature, or volunteering and they just might be happier.

There speaketh the old fogey.

Eloquently put moominmama . I completely agree.

How does this work in single sex schools? What school would you put down for trans identified girl when it comes to choosing a secondary? Would a child who changed gender have to be provided with separate loos and showers?

I'm 40.

I'd say I've always been gender non conforming in some way - as in I dont have a particular style and I'm neither feminine or masculine in my choices of dress or activity.

I'm as likely to be in chino shorts t shirt and baseball cap one day as I am a dress and sandals the next!

As a kid I was likely to be playing rugby or hockey one minute and then attending my dance classes the next.

But that's it isn't it? Gender is just something society has constructed by labelling activity and dress and mannerisms by sex.

I'm female. Always have been and always will be. But other than that I'm just me who behaves how I want to and dresses how I want to dependent on how I choose to daily.

As long as someone's behaviour/ dress etc isn't criminal then it shouldn't be labelled

Just to answer the question re single sex schools our experience was to expel our daughter. Other parents felt uncomfortable. They later rescinded the decision but she was bullied online and off. At that stage all she wanted to do was wear trousers. Interestingly the deputy head stuck up for her, turns out she had?personal experience of lgbtq matters. I think celebrities are not helping these kids. We think we know how we will feel in gender crisis situations, believe me it has broken my heart and I am a very accepting person. I don't wish this on anyone.

[quote stonecat]@AFS1

It's a social contagion. Prepubescent girls have always been more susceptible to such fads.

When I was at school they were all cutting themselves. The generation before us, it was anorexia.

Be wary of it and talk sensibly and truthfully to your daughter. The fact that she's openly saying she finds it confusing and difficult to follow is likely a good thing. Those kids pretending they know what it's all about are more likely to get swept up in it.

I hope those girls have sensible adults around them who won't indulge such nonsense. If I were you I wouldn't take my eye off the ball with this.

[/quote] I work with troubled young people. Eating disorders and self harm are still very much with us. They just aren't getting the same press attention nowadays. And someone who is troubled or concerned about their gender or sexuality is very likely to self harm and or/have eating /body image issues as well. It's not an either/or situation unfortunately.

*Can't you see that this is the root problem that needs to be addressed? This is the problem we need to tackle for our girls, not telling them that if they feel like they want to be a boy that they are one or can be one.

To let them think they can somehow escape being female by simply identifying out of it is a ridiculous solution to the problem.

We should be championing girls, not playing along with naive notions of what they think being a girl or being a boy means*

This. And some of your experiences growing up @stonecat absolutely chime with mine. My parents just let me get on with it too.

'your true self' is what I hear constantly from my daughters friends. My daughter self harms and no longer eats very much. I agree it is a trend but who in the medical profession is challenging this?

Tbh I am angry with people who purse their lips and say poor her, trapped in the wrong body. It is a a complete crock of shite. She didn't even know until recently how gay men had sex. I can't see my gentle, kind feminine daughter being rogered up the back end (if that is too crude for some, that is the reality and we pussyfoot around it). I am not a prude but these children (because that is what they are) are targeted by Google at a young age. Wtf is going on in our country? Find me a happy transsexual because I would love to chat to them. I have reached out and nobody wants that role!!

@ChiefBabySniffer

Transgenderism is prove to be socially contagious amongst young females in the same way that eating disorders were in the 90s and 00s. These girls are opting out of being female as they see how shit women and girls are treated and don't want to go through that grief. Same thing happens when boys reject toxic masculinity as they don't want to be associated with it. Is all very often on a subconscious level but it's still very worrying, especially when they are enthusiastically affirmed and referred to gender specialists etc.

Your poor daughter. I totally understand how frustrating and confusing this must be for her. Work on her own self confidence and show her that validation comes from within and not from external sources.

This . 100% this

Validation comes from within? These days I think not. Teenagers are for the most online creatures. If you have a sporty one you have a chance. We sat under the tree or in the library. Swotty kids use the Internet. It is a dangerous place. My daughter has a huge IQ but still she listens to these 'professional transgender activists'. Every time I hear her referring to some lunt on the Internet I want to find the little shit and get them to tell me why they think my daughter needs surgery. No one has contacted me from pro or against forums) do you think you might be sued by
law gratitude?). I am so angry I could deck one particular 'influencer'

@LipstickLou

I’m so sorry. Such an incredibly difficult situation for you.

Definately a trend atm, my dd says a lot of her friends are now non binary etc.............

I have the same with dd
Several of her friends are going by different names and using different pronouns. She tends to just roll her eyes- for most it’s been short lived and they have gone back to their name and gender once the shock factor has gone

My daughter refers to friends as they / them apparently not appropriate to say he or she now ...

I wouldn't have an issue with moving to they/them for EVERYONE but retaining sex based distinctions where they are actyally important