DD’s friends changing gender at school

[AFS1]

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

@MiddlesexGirl

Does your daughter face any challenges aside from remembering new names and pronouns? She'll get the hang of that.

Actually the pronouns is not that easy to 'get the hang of'. I have a non-binary colleague. The name change has been no problem at all but trying to avoid the gender pronoun which they obviously are is ... a mental challenge and disruptive. They've been out as non-binary for about a year now and I still have to consciously make the effort.

Oh how difficult for you. In my experience young people manage the change of pronoun with complete ease.

Hello everyone. We've already removed some posts for breaking our talk guidelines relating to discussions around sex and gender. We do not want Mumsnet to be a place that feels inherently hostile to any group, be that trans people, gender-critical feminists or anyone else (except perhaps trolls). Please keep the discussion civil and constructive.

Thanks.

The thing that concerns me the most is girls wanting to be gender fluid or gender non conforming - then want a "boys name" and to be referred to as he/him.

If they don't conform why the need to want to be male referred? What are we doing to our young woman that they don't seem to want to be male yet don't want to be female either?

As gender is just a social construct we are getting our education very wrong.

We don't ask medieval men who wore skirts if they are identifying as female nor Scottish men who wear a kilt.

So why do our woman feel that liking certain things defines them as male or being referred to as male is a better option?

Wow flying rainbow flags!
Maybe it’s these parents views that are the reason for the increase in young people wanting to transition.
Bring gay is seen as a choice but being born into a different body is a simple chromosome error so I can see why some young people find it easier coming out as a different sex than being gay compared to some of these comments.

but being born into a different body

Educate yourself. This is no longer the narrative, and never was, according to mermaids.

The narrative of you can change your sex is extremely damaging.
Two transgender people, one ftm and one mtf have applied to dignitas for assisted suicide as they have transitioned fully but it hasn’t helped their dysphoria (I appreciate that for some transition does help)
They were promised something that could never happen.

Educate yourself. This is no longer the narrative, and never was, according to mermaids.

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.
I don’t always know the correct terminology to use or I make mistakes because I’m human. Instead of saying educate yourself you could just say instead of saying ..... the correct term is ........

To the poster who said they didn't believe '4 in one class' - I'm a teacher and currently have 2 pupils in one class who have name-changed and/or want certain pronouns to be used. I'll be amazed if there isn't at least one more by the end of this academic year.

If girls 'transition' to be boys, does that mean they play on boys' athletic/sports teams too? Or is it just an 'identity' thing?

I think taking any medication is a serious step regardless for the purpose therefore I do not believe that children and teenagers under the age of 18 should be prescribed anything that starts the process to change from boy to girl or girl to boy. I think their is a moral responsibility to protect the under 18s as well as the safeguarding preventions. I think in the current climate teenager and children and being influence by social media and consequently peers who have been influenced by the social media. I really worry about how some of the teenager and children will cope later in life. As I said earlier we need to help our children and teenagers cope with life, that is important, we all have self doubts, teenagers go through huge changes and they are vunerable, very few 30 or 40 year olds are like their 14 year old self.

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.

I’m not offended, just pointing out that up to last year being “born in the wrong body” was the mermaids trope. Then suddenly - it wasn’t. And they’d never said that, and if they did it was a only metaphor.

I’m not offended, just pointing out that up to last year being “born in the wrong body” was the mermaids trope. Then suddenly - it wasn’t. And they’d never said that, and if they did it was a only metaphor.

Oh ok I’m not really up to date with the terminology I will educate myself more. I guess it’s like saying people of colour instead of black people etc.

Puberty blockers are far from "fully reversible".

I know it's been said but it needs repeating as much as possible.

This is not a risk free pathway. You are messing with a very complex system when you start to mess with the development of the human body AND brain. People are labouring under the misconception that puberty blockers just halt what is happen in the body and that the brain will somehow keep developing and the child will grow up and be able to make a decision...NO. the brain is stalled and changed in its development too and nothing is achieved bar potential long term harm from a medical intervention that has not been sufficiently trialed and tested.

It's really disturbing that we are doing this to children.

*Most 7 year olds believe Father Christmas comes down the chimney and gives them presents. It doesn’t screw them up or lead them down a slippery slope.

Their understanding about many things is different to an adult and too many people on here are projecting adult emotions on kids.*

7yo may believe they're superheroes. You may play along, but you would not let them jump off a roof, because no, they really can't fly.

I notice that the OP's daughter's friends all seem to still be hanging out together as a group of girls and "former girls". If they were really boys wouldn't they feel more comfortable hanging out with the boys at school at least some of the time? This does not seem to happen with older ROGD children (I'm aware it does with small children with gender dysphoria). This is very telling IMO.

It's really disturbing that we are doing this to children.

You can’t be prescribed puberty blockers under the age of 16 for gender issues.
And there is no risk as long as they’re only taken for a couple of years which is why young children are prescribed them or women going through fertility treatment without anyone making a big fuss about the ‘side effects’.

[quote ChiefBabySniffer]@toocold54

Middle Ages women aren't coming forward as trans as they don't get a sexual kick out of trampling in women's rights and invading their spaces. The vast majority of men that come out as adults are autogynaephiles..... and many young teens are also getting sissified by anime and hentai porn . I've been through this with my eldest son. After 5-6 long years he is no longer "trans" (he never was) and has been in relationships with mostly men but a few women. But he was ADAMANT he wanted to transition and even got himself referred to a psychiatrist who said to watch and wait (thank God). My youngest son is now going through this and it's ALL related to Reddit and anime porn[/quote]
This strikes me as one of the most interesting posts yet. The most striking thing I noticed about my teens is the anime and hentai porn - and how influential it is. It’s widely accessible even on YouTube.

7yo may believe they're superheroes. You may play along, but you would not let them jump off a roof, because no, they really can't fly.

You have made my point exactly!

Yes you go along with the fact they’re superheroes or princesses etc because it actually does no harm and dismissing these feelings would do more harm than good. Does this end up being a slippery slope for the future? No. Is this parents forcing them to the doctors to take medication/forcing them to fly or are they just buying them a superhero outfit because they’re good parents.

These are 11 year olds that want theirs friends to call them by a different name. They’re not changing in any way, they probably haven’t even told their parents. The vast majority of these will just go back to their own gender and then they’ll go on to the next thing.