DD’s friends changing gender at school

[AFS1]

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

It was beginning when DS was little. On the train to school (he must’ve been about year 4 and the kids read the Metro in class) he asked me ‘so mum were you always a girl?’. 😆

@toocold54, you have said a few times you arent fully up to speed on some things. Puberty blockers appear to be one of them. I work in the cancer field. I was horrified to learn that drugs designed for use in adult cancer patients have been repurposed for use as puberty blockers in children with zero research.

For comparison, if a drug used to treat adult cancers is thought to be useful in children, it would only ever be used after trials had been done. Children react differently to drugs than adults do and metabolise them differently. The risk of harm would be greater than the risk of benefit.

Yet here a cancer drug is being used for a different purpose and in a very different patient population with zero research. It is totally unethical.

Why does she feel like she doesn’t know them/ fit in anymore? Has she never had male friends? She does now!

I hope that when these girls grow up, they sue the idiots who led them down the garden path.

The girls are too young to realise it, but what they are doing by deliberately obscuring sex and gender is ruinous for child-protection, safeguarding and women's rights. It's not their fault, its the thicko adults around them.

Call people by their preferred name - fine.
Nope, you don't have to call girls he/him. They are she/hers.
You can't opt out of womanhood. And it sucks - but better to fight stereotypes, better to fight for women's liberation rather than pretending you can take yourself out your sex class.

I can 100% understand why girls are young women are rejecting all things regarded as feminine. As has been stated already, the problem begins with vile men and boys objectifying girls and women.
Wolf whistling, cat calling, saying things such you run like a girl. Everything feminine is regarded as other and less than.
I hated growing breasts and hips and menstruating. If I'd have had the chance to remain androgynous I would have, absolutely.
I also think androgynous men are treated better too. Marc Bolan, David Bowie, David Sylvian. They all had that mystical, magical quality.
Take ballet for example. The idea body is straight up and down, no feminine curves.
Yep it's sh it being there for the male gaze.

Oh how difficult for you.
In my experience young people manage the change of pronoun with complete ease.

Thanks for the sarcastic response.

In my experience young people have just as much difficulty which is why it causes distress. They don't want to upset their friends but they find it difficult to separate what they see from what they're being asked to say.

I’m so relieved this wasn’t around during my 50s/60s childhood. I wanted to be a boy because boys seemed to have a much better time. I wanted to be a soldier on a horse and women weren’t allowed! No doubt in the current climate someone would have set me on the road to ‘sex change’.

Do you remember when that teenager with autism correctly sexed a police community support officer and was fined as a result? Good times...

That was a bit grim. Another good example of how another protected group are trampled over for gender ideology.

@Erikrie yes I do remember that. My DS is autistic and has stated before quite loudly ‘why does he have a woman’s name, but they look just like a man?’ Usually on public transport or spaces. A couple of times he has been responded to a bit aggressively and I am a little fearful that if that’s how someone reacts to a child, what might happen when he no longer looks like a child? It’s a real vulnerability but all he is doing is stating clearly what is outwardly obvious. That is not his fault at all.

Year 7 and four pupils already my goodness....
Whilst I disagree with this being encouraged and facilitated by schools I suppose they've got a responsibility for the other pupils being safely guided through this?
I'd have a word with Head of year or similar and explain how uncomfortable and unsettled your daughter is and most certainly have your own continued conversations at home.
Hope your DD is okay.

Re some comments about schools, remember that schools must work in partnership with parents. They can't transition children, refer them to mentors from adult LGBT groups, run mixed age LGBT groups for 11 - 18 year olds or encourage teachers or other adults to have private discussions with children about transitioning. They must work with parents - it's incredibly dangerous to undermine parents.
Schools act "in loco parentis", they don't replace parents in supporting children struggling with their identity. Schools have been told they can do all this by Stonewall and other groups and it's bloody dangerous advice and undermines all safeguarding.

Brainwashed by luvvies in the media and in academia. Utter disgrace

@MrsOvertonsWindow

Re some comments about schools, remember that schools must work in partnership with parents. They can't transition children, refer them to mentors from adult LGBT groups, run mixed age LGBT groups for 11 - 18 year olds or encourage teachers or other adults to have private discussions with children about transitioning. They must work with parents - it's incredibly dangerous to undermine parents. Schools act "in loco parentis", they don't replace parents in supporting children struggling with their identity. Schools have been told they can do all this by Stonewall and other groups and it's bloody dangerous advice and undermines all safeguarding.

Agreed . Stonewall et al really have been so woefully unchallenged and permitted a very questionable level of power in this area. Truly terrifying

@Jaxhog

If girls 'transition' to be boys, does that mean they play on boys' athletic/sports teams too? Or is it just an 'identity' thing?

MtF compete on woman's teams so I would think it would apply the other way round.

(I don't agree in gender sporting but that's another thread 🤣)

@MNHQ I am quite appalled that my post was deleted, I wrote nothing but the truth. There were no lies and nothing other than a 15 and 13 year old experiences of how they are schooled today and the struggles they face in school.

@JustcameoutGC no I don’t know a lot about those situations and what you say is obviously awful but that’s not what this thread is about. OP has not even mentioned puberty blockers so I don’t understand why everyone is jumping to that conclusion apart from to scaremonger.

It seems you need to be either fully against transgender people and be repulsed by the idea or think that all children need to take puberty blockers and change gender.
Why does it have to be either? Can people just not be so closed minded and if an 11 year old wants to try a new name for a bit just let them crack on with it.
It feels like there’s a lot of people on here who’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a teen.

@stonecat I will happily educated myself more on this subject as I try to do all of the time anyway so I will definitely read your links but I would also like to read links from opposing views if anyone has any?
As obviously you can’t educate yourself properly in a one sided argument.

[quote toocold54]@stonecat I will happily educated myself more on this subject as I try to do all of the time anyway so I will definitely read your links but I would also like to read links from opposing views if anyone has any?
As obviously you can’t educate yourself properly in a one sided argument.[/quote]
Hi toocold54

I’m not sure about sources for the opposing view, but presumably the following is fairly impartial/reliable. That said, I guess one side would critique it as being too in favour of “affirmation” and the other side would find it not “affirming” enough.

gids.nhs.uk/parents-and-carers

Part of the issue for me is that children of this age should be trying things out, clothes or whatever. What it shouldn’t be is a lifelong decision or given that much weight. It’s a time to experiment with identity and how you present yourself and that’s it.

I was a teen goth. Not a goth now. At the time I couldn’t believe I would ever wear a dress etc. This age is not a good one to be making life long decisions. As I get older I’m moving away from the idea that 17/18 year olds should have to make decisions about uni and careers that young.

[quote toocold54]@stonecat I will happily educated myself more on this subject as I try to do all of the time anyway so I will definitely read your links but I would also like to read links from opposing views if anyone has any?
As obviously you can’t educate yourself properly in a one sided argument.[/quote]
No you are quite right, you can’t educate yourself in a one sided argument

And thats the problem i think with trying to find a middle road, one side of the subject gives links and information and the other side refuses to do so....on mumsnet at least

I think its a great shame

Yes I agree it’s difficult to get an unbiased opinion as most things you read are biased in some way.
With things like this that I don’t know a lot about I try and stay in the middle as much as possible.
I can’t see any harm in pretending to be a boy when you are young and I agree that medication etc shouldn’t be allowed until a certain age as often these feelings are just phases.

@toocold54

Yes I agree it’s difficult to get an unbiased opinion as most things you read are biased in some way. With things like this that I don’t know a lot about I try and stay in the middle as much as possible. I can’t see any harm in pretending to be a boy when you are young and I agree that medication etc shouldn’t be allowed until a certain age as often these feelings are just phases.

I get splinters in my arse trying to stay balanced on that fence 😀

But sometimes i fall off...

I can’t see any harm in pretending to be a boy when you are young

It’s healthy for children to role play all sort of different identities and to experiment with clothes, hairstyles, hobbies and interests etc, but pretending to be anything full time is pretty harmful I would say. Eg pretending to be older than they are to buy alcohol/tobacco. Pretending to be older then they are when they have sex with a partner could be disastrous. Pretending to be different to what they are is just a bit dishonest, no?

A third recommendation for Abigail Shrier. It's a social contagion.