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Original poster

DD’s friends changing gender at school

422 replies

AFS1 · 21/05/2021 21:18

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

OP posts:
ChiefBabySniffer · 22/05/2021 09:04

@toocold54

Middle Ages women aren't coming forward as trans as they don't get a sexual kick out of trampling in women's rights and invading their spaces. The vast majority of men that come out as adults are autogynaephiles..... and many young teens are also getting sissified by anime and hentai porn . I've been through this with my eldest son. After 5-6 long years he is no longer "trans" (he never was) and has been in relationships with mostly men but a few women. But he was ADAMANT he wanted to transition and even got himself referred to a psychiatrist who said to watch and wait (thank God). My youngest son is now going through this and it's ALL related to Reddit and anime porn

JustcameoutGC · 22/05/2021 09:07

I really agree with the need for truth with children. I am mum to two small girls. At some point I will have to teach them to be wary of men and how to protect themselves from harm. It will be one of the most important lessons I will have to teach them on the road to independence.

I will teach them kindness and empathy but I will not collaborate in a practice that makes it harder for them to distinguish who is a man and who is a woman.

stonecat · 22/05/2021 09:17

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YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/05/2021 09:18

OP - I'm sorry if this has been said already but is your DD involved in other out of school activities where she can meet some other friends?

It sounds like a tacitly toxic environment if she is feeling left-out - and the last thing you want is for the contagion to spread to her.

MiddlesexGirl · 22/05/2021 09:22

Does your daughter face any challenges aside from remembering new names and pronouns? She'll get the hang of that.

Actually the pronouns is not that easy to 'get the hang of'. I have a non-binary colleague. The name change has been no problem at all but trying to avoid the gender pronoun which they obviously are is ... a mental challenge and disruptive. They've been out as non-binary for about a year now and I still have to consciously make the effort.

nolongersurprised · 22/05/2021 09:23

My DD2 at the age of 2 decided she didn’t want a doll like her big sister but wanted a hulk and cars instead

As a toddler my DD2 started referring to herself as Tim. Tim was the man who did the library story time sessions. She is 13 now and no longer identifies as Tim.

There’s a strange pseudo precocity attributed to children when it comes to genderism. 3 year old boys seemingly come out with statements like, “I don’t understand why god gave me a penis when I should have had a vagina because I’m a girl”.

Similarly, when any child mentions something, anything, about gender it seems no one is allowed to question what they really mean. It’d be interesting to interview a group of 11 year olds about what gender identity means to them.

Do they think children can fully change sex if given medical treatment?

When people tell children they can change sex what do they think children infer from this?

toffeebutterpopcorn · 22/05/2021 09:24

I don’t understand the whole name change necessity. Change your name (and names are all just made up anyways) yet your body (the important bit) still remains the same...

toocold54 · 22/05/2021 09:39

My 7 year old ds was told by a friend the other day, that he used to have a sister, bit she went to the doctor, got some medicine and now she's a boy! Bam, so simple and easy.

Middle Ages women aren't coming forward as trans as they don't get a sexual kick out of trampling in women's rights and invading their spaces.

Wow some of these views are very telling!

These are 11 year olds kids who many are going to have gender issues, sexuality issues, try out different religions or spiritualities etc it’s just what kids do. I remember thinking I was a witch

You do not go to a doctor and bam you’re the opposite sex. It takes years and no doctor is going to take an 11 years old view that they’ve had for a few days and chop off their penis - stop scaremongering!

The same as those who claim to be gay, most will end up being straight but them going through this phase isn’t leading others down a poisonous path which would lead them to be gay when they’re older.
My DD has recently come out as gay which I don’t actually believe I just think she’s not attracted to boys yet but do I refuse to go along with it as it leads down a slippery slope? No I say I love her regardless - she feels validated and knows I am open and considerate to her feelings and if it’s a phase then it’ll run it’s course but if it’s not then she knows I won’t treat her any differently.

I have an adult friend called Isis which isn’t changed by deed poll but on forms under preferred names she puts a different name for obvious reasons. I have a student called Constantine who doesn’t like her name so asks to be called Connie. I also have a Jenny that wants to be called James.
In all cases no one gives a shit because it is literally just a name.

There is a massive difference between someone asking to be called a different name and a parent forcing them to bind, stop their periods etc.

Grellbunt · 22/05/2021 09:41

Kids are easily confused

Biology is complicated enough without adding this into the mix...

Some of these kids haven't even started puberty yet! This is madness.

nolongersurprised · 22/05/2021 09:48

You do not go to a doctor and bam you’re the opposite sex. It takes years

It doesn’t happen at all. You do know humans can’t change sex, don’t you?

stonecat · 22/05/2021 09:48

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CatsArePeople · 22/05/2021 09:48

from what I see, its a generation of adults who grew up without a word No. Now they are parents and educators, and its their turn to be saying No, and they just can't.

Quincie · 22/05/2021 09:48

Is yr 7 first year of secondary? It used to be a reasonably gentle introduction into the much higher academic expectations of secondary school. Once work gets more demanding there will be less time for this.
Meanwhile DD just needs to go with the flow and have a nice uncritical space at home to discuss it, so I wouldn't approach school.

stonecat · 22/05/2021 09:49

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toocold54 · 22/05/2021 09:55

It doesn’t happen at all. You do know humans can’t change sex, don’t you?

I was replying to a PP who said that their child’s female friend went to the doctor and is bam now a boy. So I said that doesn’t happen.

Erikrie · 22/05/2021 09:56

Child: I genuinely believe I was born in the wrong body. My body doesn’t feel like my own and I’ve tried to cut my breasts off several times.

A child trying to cut their breasts off needs immediate mental health support. Not physical tranistion.

Adult: don’t be so stupid. You have a vagina therefore you must act like a girl and you will be called by your girly name and nothing else. Now suck it up like I had to do and get on with it.

You have a vagina therefore you are a girl. However this doesn't mean you have to act like anything apart from yourself. Transgenderism reinforces gender stereotypes. It's doesn't free people from them.

stonecat · 22/05/2021 09:57

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Erikrie · 22/05/2021 09:57

from what I see, its a generation of adults who grew up without a word No. Now they are parents and educators, and its their turn to be saying No, and they just can't

💯

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 22/05/2021 10:00

You do not go to a doctor and bam you’re the opposite sex. It takes years and no doctor is going to take an 11 years old view that they’ve had for a few days and chop off their penis - stop scaremongering!

That poster was referring to 7 year old children and their belief....

If 7 year old has a brother and then has a sister i can quite understand that they think its as simple as an overnight thing....

toocold54 · 22/05/2021 10:05

That poster was referring to 7 year old children and their belief....

If 7 year old has a brother and then has a sister i can quite understand that they think its as simple as an overnight thing....

Most 7 year olds believe Father Christmas comes down the chimney and gives them presents. It doesn’t screw them up or lead them down a slippery slope.

Their understanding about many things is different to an adult and too many people on here are projecting adult emotions on kids.

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 22/05/2021 10:08

@toocold54

That poster was referring to 7 year old children and their belief....

If 7 year old has a brother and then has a sister i can quite understand that they think its as simple as an overnight thing....

Most 7 year olds believe Father Christmas comes down the chimney and gives them presents. It doesn’t screw them up or lead them down a slippery slope.

Their understanding about many things is different to an adult and too many people on here are projecting adult emotions on kids.

I know that...

The original poster knows that...

You are the one saying scaremongering about that particular post

toocold54 · 22/05/2021 10:15

You are the one saying scaremongering about that particular post

It is scaremongering though because if you’re unaware of how things work then people may genuinely believe that one day a female goes to the doctors and comes out a male. It doesn’t happen and people say things like that just to scare people.

stonecat · 22/05/2021 10:20

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RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 22/05/2021 10:24

@toocold54

You are the one saying scaremongering about that particular post

It is scaremongering though because if you’re unaware of how things work then people may genuinely believe that one day a female goes to the doctors and comes out a male. It doesn’t happen and people say things like that just to scare people.

Its not scaremongering if she is talking about the beliefs of 7 year olds
toocold54 · 22/05/2021 10:35

Keira Bell is a completely different issue.
She was given puberty blockers at 16 which are fully reversible and are given for a couple of years to make sure they want to go ahead with that decision, they’re also given to children if they start puberty really young but it doesn’t lead on to having sec changes.

But that is an argument about what age people should be allowed to start taking these medications and I would agree that there needs to be a minimum age requirement but I don’t know what that age should be.
But this is about 11 year olds finding themselves and working out who they are and yes going through phases that may not last which I can’t see as being an issue.