DD’s friends changing gender at school

[AFS1]

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

Four in one class, have they been learning about gender in social Ed classes by any chance?

Transgenderism is prove to be socially contagious amongst young females in the same way that eating disorders were in the 90s and 00s. These girls are opting out of being female as they see how shit women and girls are treated and don't want to go through that grief. Same thing happens when boys reject toxic masculinity as they don't want to be associated with it. Is all very often on a subconscious level but it's still very worrying, especially when they are enthusiastically affirmed and referred to gender specialists etc.

Your poor daughter. I totally understand how frustrating and confusing this must be for her. Work on her own self confidence and show her that validation comes from within and not from external sources.

Could you discuss it with her?
Why do they feel like this?
Why do they want to change gender?
How does she fit in with them if they change? They're still the same kids!
Discuss how all teens go through times when they test new identities.
Why are some people against it?

That must be very confusing and upsetting.

It think it's a trend thing as well. I wonder what their parents make of it.

It happens in life, we have friendship groups and either get closer or pull apart at various stages.

This is one of those times so just encourage other friendships.

My question would be why? Why are so many girls wanting to identify as boys? What is the problem with being a girl?

My dds friend has decided she's gender fluid and has chosen a boys name.

My dd said she was too and wanted a meeting at school but I told her to wait it out for a bit just to be absolutely sure it's what she wants. I haven't heard anymore from her about it

I definitely think it's a 'trend' thing and also in year 7 they're trying to find their individuality. The thing is they're exposed to so much more than we ever were at that age. I think to them it's as grand as saying 'I'm going to be vegan' and then giving it up when mum cooks some sausages... I really think they're brains are too young to really process and understand the gravity of what they're saying. This is why it's worrying when young children and young teens are getting referred.

My dd also told me she was bi and mow apparently she's pan sexual... I just say 'ok love' and honestly she was expecting a big party at her announcement so there could be an element of attention and standing in out there too

it needs to stop....your poor poor little DD cannot cope and is sooooo upset and confused!! tell them all op....your DD must come first

I assume you’re joking!

OP honestly this is nothing to worry about. People are more comfortable nowadays but this was happening when I was at school too. Just explain to your daughter that it is their choice to be whoever they want to be and that they’re not going to stop being her friends.
It’s a difficult age as their hormones are all over the place, they’re learning about their sexuality and periods etc. So it is definitely confusing and can be upsetting for them.
90% of them will probably revert back to being addressed as females but a few may not so if she wants to remain friends with them she needs to accept them as they are. Don’t use the word phase to her as she may repeat this and then lose her friends.

Are the school affirming their preferred gender?

I think all you can do is affirm how your daughter feels and treat it like any other friends growing apart issue.

Why does she feel like she doesn’t know them/ fit in anymore? Has she never had male friends? She does now!

Whatever you feel is of no business or concern of yours.

For those posters using the word 'transgenderism', that is not a word. People are trans/or transgender.

Perhaps you need to just have a conversation with your daughter instead of clutching your pearls. These kids do not have to change for you. You need to do the changing.

Being transgender is not a new concept. It is just nowadays, thankfully people feel more comfortable and open about being able to live and be accepted as their authentic self.

They are still your daughter's friends.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. I'm sorry to hear that, and am not surprised that it's had an impact on your daughter.

It also feels like it’s getting out of hand.
It is that as well. At a guess none of the children are fully aware that "gender" is a collection of stereotypes that some people wish to apply to themselves (and others) and that other people don't give a damn about.

It also sounds like the children have conflated the words sex and gender to think they mean the same thing when in fact they do not. Humans cannot change sex, and that your daughter's friends want to be known as "he and him" likely makes her wonder how this fits in with reality.

What's so sad is that girls can't bear the idea of becoming women and think they can opt out of what will happen to them by adopting boys' names or not complying with idiotic gender ideology (nonsense such as "runs like a girl", "throws like a girl", "girly swot", the idea that girls must like glitter and wear pink etc) they'll not have to deal with womanhood.

Hopefully your daughter's school hasn't been Stonewalled and has chosen to accept ideology rather than reality.

It won’t be for everyone, but mostly it is just a phase. Puberty and being a girl is rough.

I’m more worried about parents who get fully on board. I have a friend whose year 7 daughter now has a boys name and cut their hair and she’s ranting about how she can’t get puberty blockers and how unfair it is she has to go through puberty.

I must say I have spent the last few years talking to DD about dressing how you want and gender bending in the 70s/80s.

yes,'m joking!

op is being ridiculous....speak to 'the school' about it?? wtf? its NONE of your business

It’s a trend, it’s the same kids who were the emo group or the alternatives and after all why wouldn’t you want to ID your way out of the toxic abuse girls are so often subject to. The awkward, autistic and vulnerable are more likely to be represented. In the older age groups you can see some of these girls already transitioning back. Who knows how many of these girls will live happily as boys for their whole lives whilst feeling happier for it.

i work with young people. 2 have re assigned their gender. i'm supporting one through a physical transition

thank god people can now feel free to be who they feel they should be....just shows how many out there feel this way

Thank you all. My daughter hasn’t said there have been any classes about it, but from what she’s said, it’s pretty clear that at least some of them appear to be wanting to follow the crowd.

They’re a really lovely bunch of kids so I’m hoping that the friendship can continue. I think it’s just because so many of them have changed the way they refer to themselves in such a short space of time that it feels quite overwhelming at the moment.

@GirlCrush I’m not suggesting that my daughter’s feelings take precedence over anyone else’s, but she is entitled to feel upset and confused when people she’s known for years announce one day that she must call them a different name and refer to them as a different gender, and if she slips up and forgets, she gets called out on it.

I would speak to the school as your DD is confused and upset by a significant change in her friendship group. That is normal and reasonable and the school should be willing to keep an eye on her.

At home, I would just keep talking to her. People change, friendships change and she can always make new friends if she wants. She should try her best to use the preferred name (as she would if a friend wanted to be known by a new nickname) but not worry if she slips up - people make mistakes.

My DD has a friend who identifies as male and various other friends who have said they are gay.
My DD told me not so long ago that she thinks she is bi

I've just told her that she doesn't need to put a label on herself. She is who she is.

I think they are taught so much so young and feel they need to process it all at once. There is no rush.

Your DD is in a difficult position trying to get her head around the changes with all of her friends I really feel for her x

Katypyee of course ‘transgenderism’ is a word. It might not be a word you like or wish to use but you can no more insist it doesn’t exist than you can remove our sexually dimorphic identity.

Acceptance without question would be marvellous if no one ever changed their mind or detransitioned but they do. I did. Fortunately at a time where I hadn’t been fucked over by hormones or surgery. At these times of unprecedented levels of transitioning girls it would be irresponsible to presume they all were manifesting their authentic self.

I hope it's not a child you are supporting through a physical transition, Girlcrush