DD’s friends changing gender at school

[AFS1]

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

Don’t quote me out of context too cold

You are saying that an equivalent proportion of middle aged women feel like this and have always felt like this but are invisible “because stigma”. That reduction of this stigma has enabled their daughters, nieces etc to present as their true selves but not themselves

And then when asked for evidence you say I don’t need evidence to prove... and Google it

This is the part you are making up.

Where are these middle aged women pining to transition but too cowered to do so?

Do you actually know any middle aged women?

It's our responsibility and our duty as adults to take care of these young girls, most of whom (if the issue is dealt with correctly), will grow up to be perfectly happy heterosexual girls with no trans identity, or lesbians.

I completely agree and I never think anything should be forced on someone but we all know young people go through loads of phases and I can’t see any harm in going along with it and calling them a different name until it either passes or if it doesn’t then dealing with it.

@Donitta

These girls are opting out of being female as they see how shit women and girls are treated and don't want to go through that grief Honestly I have started using neutral pronouns myself and going by a shortened neutral version of my first name. Why? Because people I deal with at work assume I’m male so they’re more polite and respect my opinions and decisions more. Obviously if we meet then they can see I’m female, but via email and from reading my published articles they assume I’m male and it just makes my life easier. I can see why some girls opt out of being female, that wasn’t an option when I was younger but if it was I would totally have done it.

Well, if you want to know why so many girls want to be boys, look no further....

My DD is facing this in secondary school in Yr 10. Several girls are now 'boys', the same ones who in previous years flipped back and forwards between anorexia, bi, asexual and highly anxious. It's a new label for kids who are anxious and trying to find their identity.

@leeds2glasgow

Sorry but I don't believe there's 4 on one class.

Why?

My DD and her friends have been giving themselves boys names on their chats for ages. I have a rule that she can be on watsapp as long as I can read it whenever i ask.

There was a load of angst between about 6 girls about 'coming out' and when and sharing flags and whatnot. This is all in her friendship group at school- that was when they were about 12.

I mean it's totally harmless if it's short hair and wanting to be called Sam or whatever.

Drugs/ surgery is totally different. I cannot understand why intervening medically, hormonally and later surgically is all such a progressive and super idea. At least here they can't get surgery until ?18. In USA 14yo girls have had double mastectomies.

Anyway op. Just talk to her about it. Don't be critical. But do ask her some questions that make her think. When the time is right. Can people actually change sex? Do you think it's ok to base facilities on gender rather than sex? Whatever.

The catastrophic increase in girls claiming to be trans doesn't end with them changing their names and their clothes- it currently leads to many being set on the path of puberty blockers, then hormones, then surgery.

Yes but OPs daughter is in year 7 and you can’t get hormones until 16-18 so I don’t think this is something her daughter needs to worry about right now.

Do you actually know any middle aged women?

Everyone knows middle aged women not sure what your point is.

It’s possible it’s a phase for some/most/all of them. They’re kids living in a world where exploring your gender is allowed and that’s ok. My youngest is nonbinary and it might not stick, but it might and it’s my job to let them explore it with love. The barrage of hateful comments they get daily makes me wonder why anyone would do it if they didn’t feel that ways though.
Faggot
Thing
Dyke
Tranny

All a normal day, as is being assaulted with rocks and footballs.

Maybe I'll try non-binary. I think there might be a few others who feel the same way jn the book group.

If I take testosterone will it prevent menopause?

'I am not transphobic in anyway but at a young age their life doesn’t change much just by saying they want to be called a boys/girls name which I what I meant.'

In USA male children have IDd as female and compete in running. They win by a mile. Unsurprisingly.

In the USA uni education is v expensive. A sports scholarship is an established way for children from less privileged backgrounds to get to uni.

Male children competing against girls, and being recognised as excellent female sportspeople. Are actively taking those life changing, rare opportunities from female athletes.

That's not trivial.

Not to mention unregulated hormones purchased online etc.

@twelly

I don't think school's should allow pupils to change names or present in any way different to their assigned gender at birth. This is become something of a craze and schools need to ignore it. Social media is influencing these pupils - we are born into a world with many different characters and our sex is one of these, children need to learn to love and live with what they have fir a happy life

I think this too. I think girls should be any type of girl that want and boys the same. Wear trousers as a girl snd a skirts as a boy: whatever.

@stonecat so how do you stop it, without alienating your child. Because I know as a teen if my parents fold me I wasn’t allowed to do something or I felt they belittled my feelings or didn’t take them seriously then I just did it all the more.
That’s a genuine question. I don’t agree that’s all we need to do, but if it were how do you go about that?

stonecat
Your parents sound great.

Toocold you don't have to answer obv but what's your interest here?

Your posts are definite in your view and I'm sure it's genuine but you don't seem to have a lot of knowledge/ info etc.

I'm wondering why you have waded into this thread and said stuff that is just. It's not real life, it's not based in how things are.

Like I say you don't have to answer but I don't understand.

The people who usually post another pov on these threads are much more fighty and way less apologetic!

Are you in a difficult situation yourself?

I think the message schools should be pushing is: wear whatever you want, play with any toys you want, like whatever you like. That has nothing to do with your sex.

My friend's kid's class has 5 trans boys. All in the same friend group. Isn't it amazing that such a rare condition pops up in a peer group like that?

@stressfuljune you can’t not let a person be known as a name of their choosing. That’s a basic right.

Male children competing against girls, and being recognised as excellent female sportspeople. Are actively taking those life changing, rare opportunities from female athletes.

We’re not talking about transgender issues in sports and in adulthood. This is about a couple of 11 year olds that want to be called him instead of her because they’re going through puberty and trying to ‘find themselves’. Just like a couple will come out as gay or bi but end up being straight.

toocold

I don’t understand your argument. Firstly you claim that the 4000% increase in presentation to girls to gender clinics is because these girls were and are always there, but erstwhile transphobia stopped them coming forward.

Then you say that there are proportionate numbers of middle aged women who still secretly identify as male but can’t present as such, be used of stigma. You tell me to “Google” the evidence for this.

Then you say I said that probably about 90% of these kids will revert back to their original gender aka it’s a phase.

So - I’m unclear whether you think it’s a phase or not?

Middle-aged lesbian here. No there are not lots of middle-aged women who want to transition. I know plenty of single middle-aged lesbians who could transition and be accepted into the LGBT community with no problems.
As you get older you realise the message that you can be anything you want to be simply is not true.
We all know that identity is a big issue for teenagers. It always has been. This is simply another way that plays out.

Name, yes

But the guidelines for schools often suggest that schools do a lot more and essentially treat them exactly the same as their peers of the opposite sex.