DD’s friends changing gender at school

[AFS1]

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

@nolongersurprised I just speak from my experience dealing with seeing these things.

I also don’t need any evidence to prove that certain stigmas whatever it is - sex changes, divorce, being a single parent, being gay etc are more accepted these days than they were a few years ago. I’m not sure how you don’t know this but I’m sure a quick Google search will bring up a lot of research/evidence into it.

What does 'living as a man' involve in day to day practical terms?

I find it interesting that the generation that had stuff like. Bowie. Annie Lennox. Frankie. Communards. The smiths. Goth is mentioned. Boys in makeup. Etc etc etc

Is picked out as being closed minded

'plain Jane to goth with studded necklaces and full black and white makeup overnight, than a young person is.'

Is that a neighbours reference?!

Why do you see more usual modes of dress as 'plain'.

And loads of people esp women seem to find a freedom to look how they always wanted, in middle or late middle age! It's a definite thing.

And anyway gender id and gender presentation are not connected, we're told.

What does 'living as a man' involve in day to day practical terms?

When you’re a teenager it is no different than living as a female.
Apart from instead of calling them Joanne they want to be called James which doesn’t bother me because I have both males and females wanting to have different names constantly even if they don’t have gender issues.

@Saracen

Can you explain more about why your daughter is finding this so upsetting and confusing?

Her friends are still her friends. Does your daughter face any challenges aside from remembering new names and pronouns? She'll get the hang of that. Presumably if her friends see that she is behaving respectfully and doing her best, they will forgive the odd slip-up. I think she is (or you are) overthinking this.

It isn't up to her to figure out whether her friends are going through a phase or not, and whether they are doing the right thing or not. She just needs to respect what they're asking her to do, which doesn't sound all that difficult to me.

This is one of the most bizarre posts I've seen here. A year 7 child has to completely re learn her friends names and you cannot see why this might be confusing and upsetting for her. You compound your obtuseness with assuming that the child has learning difficulties because she is struggling to accept that her friends have changed sex overnight. You add to your total detachment of understanding for this little girl by blithely stating that her friends will forgive her for making mistakes. But if she behaves respectfully that's ok.

I’m not sure how you don’t know this but I’m sure a quick Google search will bring up a lot of research/evidence into it.

Dude, you are the one making ludicrous claims, you provide the evidence.

You are claiming that the 4000% increase in girls presenting to gender clinics saying they identify as boys is not evidence of social contagion or a phase.

You are saying that an equivalent proportion of middle aged women feel like this and have always felt like this but are invisible “because stigma”. That reduction of this stigma has enabled their daughters, nieces etc to present as their true selves but not themselves.

And then when asked for evidence you say I don’t need evidence to prove... and Google it

You’re just making it all up.

I think you do need to evidence it toocold. All of it. All the different groups you mentioned.

Because when it comes to how men/ women/ boys/ girls are expected to wear, at least. It's much more gendered than in the 80s and early 90s for sure. There was a backlash against the freedom. And the boxes came back bigtime. And now esp for children gender role seems to be very strictly enforced.

@toocold54

This makes me quite angry.

Are you seriously suggesting that the only barrier to me "living as a man" is my own inability to envisage it being a legitimate option? Please.

@Grellbunt I’m not sure what you mean. If you are an adult and want to live as a man then you are free to do so but it is often quite difficult to many adults to do this.

But how can I live as a man ? Please help me out. How can I persuade all the men around me that I am one of them?

It's the "in" thing at the moment. And it's being rammed down our throats.
Exactly.

It isn't up to her to figure out whether her friends are going through a phase or not, and whether they are doing the right thing or not. She just needs to respect what they're asking her to do, which doesn't sound all that difficult to me.

Yes, OP, the only thing you need to remember here is that the only people whose feelings matter are those demanding that everyone acquiesce to their new version of reality.

Your daughter’s feelings and viewpoint are utterly irrelevant. She just has to shut up, #bekind and believe in magic. It’s really very easy.

I'm surprised at the claim that in general there is no difference at all in the expectations on/ experiences of/ treatment of teenage girls and boys in the UK.

What about the recent reports about sexual assault and rape being not uncommon, and not dealt with, in schools. By boys on girls. Just a different name you say???

Interesting.

Boys and girls are different. They have a different experience of the world by the very fact of their respective sexes. To say that there is nothing different between them other than what name they go by is to dismiss the experience of being a boy and of being a girl

I agree and I apologise as it wasn’t meant to come across as offensive.

I don’t treat either sex any different and always respect those that say they want to transition but is more likely a phase in the same way I’d treat someone who is highly likely to stay that gender.
I am not transphobic in anyway but at a young age their life doesn’t change much just by saying they want to be called a boys/girls name which I what I meant.

Nicegerbil
Absolutely the 80s and 90s were a time of gender freedom. Young Boys and girls wore pretty much the same most of the time. Toys like Lego were very much unisex. And celebrities such as Boy George and Annie Lennox played around with gender without once suggesting they were not their birth sex.

Fortunately more and more people are waking up to the harm the gender cult is causing and a backlash has begun. It is important that ordinary parents like the OP ensure they are well informed and that their children see the situation for what it is.
There will be a few of these children who end up transitioning as adults but if they are left alone most will end up staying as their original gender with some being homosexual.
Unfortunately people like the poster above who worryingly works with young people are desperate to get children like this on puberty blockers and then hormones. In places like Canada this is becoming widespread as is mastectomies for young teens.

It is a lot harder for a middle aged women to transition. There is still a lot of stigma attached which is why there’s more f-m than m-f because of the stigma attached.

What a load of bollocks!! Neither my middleaged mates nor I would give a flying fuck if one of our acquaintances decided to transition. We'd probably have a good chat on why they wanted to after all these years.

But the chances of a middleaged woman transitioning is pretty fucking low! We grew up in the 80's where gender bending was a "thing". Men dressed as women, we had short hair and dressed in dungarees and docs. C'mon on Eileen. ;)

It was a case of getting those pathetic gender stereotypes and throwing it up in the air!!

But you know what? Everybody knew a person could dress how the fuck they wanted, wear makeup whatever sex, but THEY COULDN'T CHANGE SEX!

You are claiming that the 4000% increase in girls presenting to gender clinics saying they identify as boys is not evidence of social contagion or a phase.

You’re just making it all up.

@nolongersurprised I said that probably about 90% of these kids will revert back to their original gender aka it’s a phase. Does that mean OPs child should fall out with her friends over it?

''I agree and I apologise as it wasn’t meant to come across as offensive.'

I wasn't offended. Was anyone else offended? Doubt it. It was just an obviously silly thing to say. Other posters disagreed. That's all.

@toocold54

Boys and girls are different. They have a different experience of the world by the very fact of their respective sexes. To say that there is nothing different between them other than what name they go by is to dismiss the experience of being a boy and of being a girl

I agree and I apologise as it wasn’t meant to come across as offensive.

I don’t treat either sex any different and always respect those that say they want to transition but is more likely a phase in the same way I’d treat someone who is highly likely to stay that gender.
I am not transphobic in anyway but at a young age their life doesn’t change much just by saying they want to be called a boys/girls name which I what I meant.

How is safeguarding dealt with? Changing facilities, sleeping arrangements etc? I'd be interested. Because as I said before, I'm all for being gender-blind, but the impregnator class need to be separated out from the impregnator class sometimes, for all of their sakes!

These girls are opting out of being female as they see how shit women and girls are treated and don't want to go through that grief
Honestly I have started using neutral pronouns myself and going by a shortened neutral version of my first name. Why? Because people I deal with at work assume I’m male so they’re more polite and respect my opinions and decisions more. Obviously if we meet then they can see I’m female, but via email and from reading my published articles they assume I’m male and it just makes my life easier. I can see why some girls opt out of being female, that wasn’t an option when I was younger but if it was I would totally have done it.