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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not lend her my stuff?

347 replies

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 11:24

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 21/05/2021 17:41

We lent a tent to some friends, but they were seasoned campers (much more experienced than us!) so we knew they would take good care of the tent.

Their holiday is not your problem.

Scarriff · 21/05/2021 17:42

We used to have a little two person tent bought in a sale and used for DofE trips etc. My kids are experienced campers. A school acquaintance of my daughter asked to borrow it and we willingly agreed. Gave the usual advice about what to do when wet. The misfortunate childs' angry mother turned up with a brand new tent, our one covered in mould and some chocolate. She said the additional costs were coming out of the childs allowance as a way of learning what to do with other people's belongings. We were embarrassed but I could send that woman round to see your friend if you like.

grapewine · 21/05/2021 17:45

@MotherOfCrocodiles

Bonkers. Can you offer to lend her your old tent?
After she called OP selfish and said they ruined her holiday?

No way I would do that.

UpTheJunktion · 21/05/2021 17:48

@erasemybrain

We lent our tent to my brother and his wife last year. 6 man air tent. And all the stuff. They broke the main door zip and now the tent is scrap. Definitely don't lend it to anyone I learnt the hard way. Now we have no tent for our holidays this year 😫
Sad @erasemybrain there are companies that will replace a zip in a tent. Have you still got it?
Toothdrama · 21/05/2021 17:50

Tell her to look on facebook market place or join the tent talk tent selling site and buy a 2nd hand one

So many people sell their entire kits

TattyDevine · 21/05/2021 17:51

I hate this kind of pressure. Some things you don't want to loan out because it's so awkward if the person damages it (particularly if they are a careless person, and broke as well, like a particular friend of mine). (she's broke because she's also careless with money).

So things like paddle boards, your carpet cleaner machine, your jet wash, etc she always wants to borrow. She's so impulsive though that if you pretend you haven't read the text for a few hours she tends to obtain the item from someone else or change her plans to something completely different...

Vixyboo · 21/05/2021 17:52

Ditch the friend. Keep the tent. Sorted.

Middersweekly · 21/05/2021 17:53

This is similar to the BBQ borrowing CF thread! Fancy booking a weeks camping without a tent! WTF?! YANBU!

Lanique · 21/05/2021 17:54

Op I haven't read all the thread (but I have read all your posts) and honestly you don't even need to justify why you don't want to lend it out! It always blows me away that twats like this actually exist.

gummygator · 21/05/2021 18:03

I have a tent of similar value to yours and I wouldn't lend it to anyone, I would offer our smaller one if I trusted them.
Our large family tent isn't something we could throw up in the garden so we wouldn't know if it was damaged.

erasemybrain · 21/05/2021 18:03

Up the junk. Sadly it's such a big zip I don't think it will be economical. Yes we still have it although they also packed it away wet and left it for months. They don't live close to us so I didn't know. 😖 I haven't had it out because I just can't face it

Suchasonganddance · 21/05/2021 18:03

The key to enjoyable camping is cleaning and making sure everything is dry before putting away the tent properly, so a pleasure to unroll and erect next holiday.

Doubt given her appalling attitude she would do this and you would have to unpack it all when she returns it for peace of mind.

ilovesouthlondon · 21/05/2021 18:11

No! Just no otherwise big regrets. Let the only person on this thread who thinks YABU lend her a tent. Frankly she sounds like the type who'll ask to borrow it just to ruin it. Send her to argos.

riceuten · 21/05/2021 18:17

Alarm bells here - someone getting annoyed that you won't lend them something and went ahead and booked something without consulting with you first? "Ruining her holiday".

Sorry, that's not someone who I could ever regard as a friend.

Mrgrinch · 21/05/2021 18:21

I think this has told you all you need to know about this 'friend'. I wouldn't contact her again.

Jeannie88 · 21/05/2021 18:22

Really? She needs to get her own stuff. If it was family I would but they wouldn't ask as they know how much it all costs and get their own. We campers know how much is involved in keeping our tents and equipment clean etc so for someone who doesn't know it will be likely be returned in a mess! X

vixeyann · 21/05/2021 18:22

So she presumed she could borrow and just booked? What if you were using it that week, what did she propose doing then? She's entitled, ignore her.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 21/05/2021 18:23

@Middersweekly

This is similar to the BBQ borrowing CF thread! Fancy booking a weeks camping without a tent! WTF?! YANBU!
Oh, that one was classic!
Bertiebiscuit · 21/05/2021 18:24

You are friends with this entitled ar*e why?? I wouldn't be

pictish · 21/05/2021 18:25

As a keen camper with some expensive equipment of my own, I would say absolutely fucking NOT to lending your (or my) tent to anyone, never mind some brass necked newbie!
Ah ha ha...I laugh at the very notion.No one gets to use my gear. Wouldn’t even lend a sleeping bag.

Sparkle5 · 21/05/2021 18:32

What a bloody cheeky cow!! I have no words!!!! I don’t lend anything as a rule but my husband would give out his last penny which causes many arguments. He lent out our caravan to a friend who must have fried food everyday as it was plastered in grease and they also smoked in the van 😡. He lent out our overseas property free of charge. Although we have a washing machine all the bedding was just left on floor, dirty dishes left on draining board, food left in fridge and bins not empty. It was 3 months before he went out to this lovely surprise. He never learnt his lesson and lent out again. This time the female that was staying in it was posting pictures on Facebook wearing my clothes and using my handbags!!!!! Cheeky fuckers. They never even left a cheap bottle of foreign plonk to say thanks.

cherish123 · 21/05/2021 18:32

Tell her to buy her own tent. She could get a cheap one. She's being really cheeky. If you want to be polite tell her it's really expensive and it's not insured for others (actually not a lie).

Tessabelle74 · 21/05/2021 18:33

We treated ourselves to a lovely air beam tent in 2019, only used it a few times too and no way I'd be lending it to anyone, it cost more than my car! YANBU

LauraLovesLemons · 21/05/2021 18:36

I wouldn't lend.
But then I wouldn't borrow either as I know how easily tents can get damaged.
I have three or four old tents for when people ask (a tent library if you will!). None of them I care about; they're also ideal for my kids going to festivals etc. I comb Facebook marketplace and freecycle for unwanted ones!

JediGnot · 21/05/2021 18:36

Tell her that you will lend it to her. You will take the full cost of replacement as a deposit. Tell her that when she returns it you will unpack it and check it at a cost to her of £50 per hour, and that it is not as perfect as when you lent it to her you will keep the money and she can keep the tent.

Or just tell her that there's no point lending her the tent - she can't go camping that week as you were planning on borrowing her car that week already.

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