To not lend her my stuff?

[TentTalk]

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

PS - I was 100% on your side before reading "The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person. "

The entitlement. A colleague offered to lend me her cheap old pop up for a couple of days over this summer. I said thanks but no thanks as I'd be worried about damaging it. I sure as hell would not want to risk borrowing something like your swanky air tent.

Another one who’s learned the hard way. I lent my lovely Dutch (and indestructible) canvas tent to a friend. It was returned to me with solemn assurances that it had been packed away dry. It hadn’t and the canvas was in shreds when we wanted to use it ourselves. Over my dead body will I ever lend out a tent again.

Your tent, your choice - she's rude!

@Seainasive

Another one who’s learned the hard way. I lent my lovely Dutch (and indestructible) canvas tent to a friend. It was returned to me with solemn assurances that it had been packed away dry. It hadn’t and the canvas was in shreds when we wanted to use it ourselves. Over my dead body will I ever lend out a tent again.

I hope you made them pay to replace it

I never loan anything I’m not okay with losing. Even to family. When I was an early teen my older sister pressured me into lending her friend (not mine, I didn’t know her) my absolute favorite book in the world (and a classic that was freely available with multiple copies in all the local libraries). I couldn’t drive and had no job, unlike older friend, so I waited for ages for her to finish it at her leisure. I finally put my foot down and my sister grudgingly asked friend for it back, relaying to me her friend’s complaints that she hadn’t finished it yet, how selfish it was of me, etc. I said if she liked it she could get four copies from the library for free. That ended it.

she's 'avin' a giraffe...obvs!

@Sparkle5

What a bloody cheeky cow!! I have no words!!!! I don’t lend anything as a rule but my husband would give out his last penny which causes many arguments. He lent out our caravan to a friend who must have fried food everyday as it was plastered in grease and they also smoked in the van 😡. He lent out our overseas property free of charge. Although we have a washing machine all the bedding was just left on floor, dirty dishes left on draining board, food left in fridge and bins not empty. It was 3 months before he went out to this lovely surprise. He never learnt his lesson and lent out again. This time the female that was staying in it was posting pictures on Facebook wearing my clothes and using my handbags!!!!! Cheeky fuckers. They never even left a cheap bottle of foreign plonk to say thanks.

This is awful! Did you tell them you were shocked at finding the place dirty 3 months later? If so, what did they say?

A simple no should be enough. She’s cheeky and rude making you feel like you are the bad friend here. Keep your equipment and don’t feel guilty about it.

"Or just tell her that there's no point lending her the tent - she can't go camping that week as you were planning on borrowing her car that week already."

I like that.

YANBU. I've got a £500 airbeam tent and wouldn't lend it out willy-nilly. Even the spare bits for it are expensive.

If anyone's wondering about trying camping, I also have a 17 year-old 2-man tent that I bought for £30 in Millets, has seen me through multiple camping trips and is still in good nick. Pick up a couple of those and you get one tent for the adults, one for the kids and job's a good-un. This is today's equivalent: www.blacks.co.uk/15980804/eurohike-tamar-2-man-tent-15980804

I once lent out my tent to a ‘friend’ who ought to have known how to care for a tent. It came back dirty and mouldy. Destroyed. I threw it out.
My dad without my knowledge lent out my tent to my sister, apparently there was wind and it got broken. She never replaced that tent either. My lesson here is never ever lend out camping equipment. Others will never care for it like you do, and in fact it does require a form of specialist care (cleaning floor and underside, and airing properly) which if you haven’t spent the money for it, you are unlikely to give. You did the right thing absolutely.

Like another said Decathlon has perhaps some of the cheapest price camping equipment if she wants to buy her own.

We had the same issue, SinL wanted to borrow our £3k camping kit for her and 3 friends. Her own house is a disaster zone, and she and at least 2 of her friends are drinkers, we've had to deal with her total lack of respect in our home, and just know that her lack of respect would be passed on to our kit.

She's been telling anyone that will listen that she's shocked at our selfishness, but you know what.......We don't care!

No way, you are definitely nbu.
We have a motorhome and would never lend it to anyone. It's not being selfish, it's something you look after and can't chance others doing the same.

I’ve heard it all now. WTAF?? And you call her a friend?

Sadly yet another c.f. Who is bringing /rearing these awful people?

@Rubyupbeat

No way, you are definitely nbu. We have a motorhome and would never lend it to anyone. It's not being selfish, it's something you look after and can't chance others doing the same.

Anyone who asks to borrow it should be told to get to fuck. They know it's a pisstake to ask that. A friend hired one for the weekend. It was over £100 a night and he had to take out supplemental insurance.

@Barmychick

Sadly yet another c.f. Who is bringing /rearing these awful people?

They're everywhere. But they only get away with it if someone lets them.

Absolutely no way.
What a cheeky fucker.
My ex took out expensive tent away on a weekend with two mates (I asked him not to...). It came back absolutely covered in coke (as in coca cola - not cocaine) and with rips in it. They'd got wasted of course and at some point a bottle of coke exploded.

Never again.
After we split cheeky fecker wanted to borrow my ultra light trekking tent. No way. Told him to get to fuck.

Millets have a tent sale and you can get tents very cheaply. Offer to help her choose one. They will still need sleeping bags and mats anyway!

God no. I do not camp but I have a friend who loves it and has £1000 tent, expensive sleeping bags, the whole electric set up etc. No way would she lend that out . Why the hell would your friend think she is entitled to use your kit rather than just buy/hire her own? We managed to 'camp' in Tuscany last summer and sent my friend photos of our lovely lodge tent with kitchen and bathroom plumbed in. Not proper camping in her opinion!

@NotSorry

We bought our own caravan and have had to say “no” to people borrowing it. (Yes, we’ve been asked). It is our pride and joy and we don’t want to lend it out. Thankfully our insurance only covers us so we use that to make it easier to say “no” to people.

OP YANBU

Friends of ours have a small apartment in Crete. Relatives booked flights to Crete and then horror of horrors a couple of weeks before the flight they found they couldn't find any accommodation, not one place on Crete, a real no room at the inn situation but, 'hey, you're not going to your place so we can use that!'. Most of the family piled in to say how their selfishness in saying No was ruining the children's holiday. Knowing the state of their house I wouldn't let them either.

How can you ruin her holiday? If she booked to go camping without a tent she's a bloody idiot.

YANBU. We bought a caravan 6 years ago for family hols. Cost a lot of money and we've maintained/upgraded it. also bought an expensive air awning and all the gear. We love our van, its our second home!
DH's ex automatically assumed she would 'borrow' it. As did a former friend. I laughed in Ex's face and told CF to fuck off! This apparently makes me a selfish bitch-thats fine I bloody am when it comes to such an expensive item!
Bloody no! Theres helping people out and then theres losing money because you know somebody won't look after your investment!!

I learned from bitter experience never to lend anyone anything because there is always the chance that you'll have to beg to get it back, it will come back damaged or worse, you'll never get it back!

I've experienced all of the above, although, on one occasion it wasn't me that lent the item out but my sister, she lent my bible which was a gift from the church when I was confirmed,
to her friend, I had no idea she'd done this and I only found out months later when someone asked me about it. My sister then retrieved it from her friend and it was so bassi damaged it had to be binned.

I know a book isn't on the same scale as a £750 tent but it's the principle, not the value in punting out.