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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not lend her my stuff?

347 replies

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 11:24

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 20/05/2021 23:46

I don’t think people realise how expensive camping stuff is if they haven’t invested in any.

I think that is part of the issue. People see cheap deals in Halfords for a family tent package. Most of which falls into the "buy cheap buy twice" category of stuff.

There are also very different types of campers from the folks with their mansion tents including the blow-up sofa setup for a fortnight; The 10mile hike to middle of nowhere, very expensive, ultra light, compact gear; And then the occasional weekenders who have the middle of the road stuff.

SpringCrocus · 21/05/2021 00:04

I teach crafts at festivals so am camping most of the summer. I have an "8 man" tent just for me, because I'm living in it for 10 days at a time, I have dodgy hips, and I need my space and to be able to stand up in my tent.
The idea of lending my very expensive kit fills me with horror.

I have a few tents from past use Id be willing to lend to DD, but not my Vango, no way

Carbara · 21/05/2021 00:16

I hope you just laughed in response to her demands, and then deleted her😄she must think you’re a total mug. Zero loss on that ‘friendship’.

dayslikethese1 · 21/05/2021 00:17

Some of these stories are upsetting, ppl are so disrespectful. Your friend is rude OP, I don't think you should lend her anything after the way she has behaved.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 21/05/2021 00:40

@SpringCrocus

I teach crafts at festivals so am camping most of the summer. I have an "8 man" tent just for me, because I'm living in it for 10 days at a time, I have dodgy hips, and I need my space and to be able to stand up in my tent. The idea of lending my very expensive kit fills me with horror.

I have a few tents from past use Id be willing to lend to DD, but not my Vango, no way

I can't even hear the name 'Vango' without thinking of my sleeping bag! Still. Years later. I hated camping without it. I have my eye on the Cobra 600 but I don't go camping enough now for it to be worthwhile.
DeRigueurMortis · 21/05/2021 01:42

I have a few tents from past use Id be willing to lend to DD, but not my Vango, no way

Reminds me of the movie Blades of Glory where Chaz is happy to share the hair shampoo but "don't touch the Verticoli" hair brush Grin

AmberIsACertainty · 21/05/2021 01:57

CF: Can I borrow your stuff?

OP: No, if you can't afford to buy your own I'd hate to put you in the awful position of having to pay out to replace ours if it was lost, stolen or damaged in any way.

There really is nothing she can say to that, other than admitting that she'd never replace it if those things happened anyway.

billy1966 · 21/05/2021 07:28

Bit of a generalisation coming😁 but I really think that most people who would truly mind the belongings of others would rather not borrow, too much hassle and worry attached.

@PandemicAtTheDisco
So annoying.
I think people unfortunately have to have a hard lesson before they decide never again.

Lockdownbear · 21/05/2021 07:40

@billy1966 that is very very true. That people who'd mind just wouldn't borrow.

Yet you read it all the time when new campers ask about camping stuff - see if you can borrow before you invest. What makes more sense is to buy 2nd hand loads of people buy gear and use it once.

A couple of years they'll be loads of camping stuff on the 2nd hand market.

Sillysandy · 21/05/2021 08:02

I'm not a camper but I have a friend who behaves exactly like this; tried to take my very expensive corporate suit for an art project, is never getting a taxi home then jumps into ours for a free lift as we are going that way anyway, comes to tapas restaurants with no money then has 'tastes' (it's tapas, the whole thing is tastes), comes to festivals with no camping stuff and attaches herself to me or whoever has booked a hotel room, assumed the purpose of my attic conversion was a rent free home for her, invited friends of hers to stay in my home when I was away as 'i wasn't using it anyway'.

I hate it because it makes me act in a way I find completely unnatural; watching out for being taken advantage of. She is also good company like your friend.

I am annoyed reading your post. I would not get into whether you'll lend the tent or not (obviously you won't) and focus on the audacity of her assumptions. I would send a text saying "have I got this right? You booked a family holiday assuming you could use our stuff? Why?"

PicaK · 21/05/2021 08:18

[quote Shedbuilder]You aren't being unreasonable, OP.

Here's Camping Equipment by Hectic Egg:

[/quote] Thank you for bringing this into my life!! Hilarious
billy1966 · 21/05/2021 08:20

@Sillysandy

I'm not a camper but I have a friend who behaves exactly like this; tried to take my very expensive corporate suit for an art project, is never getting a taxi home then jumps into ours for a free lift as we are going that way anyway, comes to tapas restaurants with no money then has 'tastes' (it's tapas, the whole thing is tastes), comes to festivals with no camping stuff and attaches herself to me or whoever has booked a hotel room, assumed the purpose of my attic conversion was a rent free home for her, invited friends of hers to stay in my home when I was away as 'i wasn't using it anyway'.

I hate it because it makes me act in a way I find completely unnatural; watching out for being taken advantage of. She is also good company like your friend.

I am annoyed reading your post. I would not get into whether you'll lend the tent or not (obviously you won't) and focus on the audacity of her assumptions. I would send a text saying "have I got this right? You booked a family holiday assuming you could use our stuff? Why?"

No one is THAT good company!
FijiCavanaugh · 21/05/2021 08:30

@Sillysandy

I'm not a camper but I have a friend who behaves exactly like this; tried to take my very expensive corporate suit for an art project, is never getting a taxi home then jumps into ours for a free lift as we are going that way anyway, comes to tapas restaurants with no money then has 'tastes' (it's tapas, the whole thing is tastes), comes to festivals with no camping stuff and attaches herself to me or whoever has booked a hotel room, assumed the purpose of my attic conversion was a rent free home for her, invited friends of hers to stay in my home when I was away as 'i wasn't using it anyway'.

I hate it because it makes me act in a way I find completely unnatural; watching out for being taken advantage of. She is also good company like your friend.

I am annoyed reading your post. I would not get into whether you'll lend the tent or not (obviously you won't) and focus on the audacity of her assumptions. I would send a text saying "have I got this right? You booked a family holiday assuming you could use our stuff? Why?"

I hope she is no longer a friend.
LookItsMeAgain · 21/05/2021 08:32

@Random63638

Is it a Mexican tent? Keep an eye on it if so... Wink
PMSL at this!!! ^^^
osbertthesyrianhamster · 21/05/2021 08:54

@Sillysandy

I'm not a camper but I have a friend who behaves exactly like this; tried to take my very expensive corporate suit for an art project, is never getting a taxi home then jumps into ours for a free lift as we are going that way anyway, comes to tapas restaurants with no money then has 'tastes' (it's tapas, the whole thing is tastes), comes to festivals with no camping stuff and attaches herself to me or whoever has booked a hotel room, assumed the purpose of my attic conversion was a rent free home for her, invited friends of hers to stay in my home when I was away as 'i wasn't using it anyway'.

I hate it because it makes me act in a way I find completely unnatural; watching out for being taken advantage of. She is also good company like your friend.

I am annoyed reading your post. I would not get into whether you'll lend the tent or not (obviously you won't) and focus on the audacity of her assumptions. I would send a text saying "have I got this right? You booked a family holiday assuming you could use our stuff? Why?"

I will never for the life of me understand mugs who continually put up with leeching, using pisstakers as 'friends' like this because 'they're good company'.

They're not friends. There are many who are good company who would never, ever do this. Just never.

She's a cunt, Silly.

Bogeyes · 21/05/2021 08:56

YANBU...many years ago I lent a friend my tent. It was virtually new. It has a seen in groundsheet. It rained on their last day so they packed it up wet...when they arrived home they decided to put it in a dryer in the launderette....I never saw that tent again. They threw it out. The told me that the plastic groundsheet had melted in the industrial dryer.
Don't lend this friend your tent. They won't look after it like you do.

mainsfed · 21/05/2021 09:25

@Sillysandy

I'm not a camper but I have a friend who behaves exactly like this; tried to take my very expensive corporate suit for an art project, is never getting a taxi home then jumps into ours for a free lift as we are going that way anyway, comes to tapas restaurants with no money then has 'tastes' (it's tapas, the whole thing is tastes), comes to festivals with no camping stuff and attaches herself to me or whoever has booked a hotel room, assumed the purpose of my attic conversion was a rent free home for her, invited friends of hers to stay in my home when I was away as 'i wasn't using it anyway'.

I hate it because it makes me act in a way I find completely unnatural; watching out for being taken advantage of. She is also good company like your friend.

I am annoyed reading your post. I would not get into whether you'll lend the tent or not (obviously you won't) and focus on the audacity of her assumptions. I would send a text saying "have I got this right? You booked a family holiday assuming you could use our stuff? Why?"

We're annoyed that you're letting 'friend' get away with this shitty behaviour!
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/05/2021 09:39

Bogeyes

Your 'friend' is the archetypal 'monkey with a gun'. I wonder if they damage their own things by 'caring' for them the way a toddler would, or if it's just other people's things....?

3JsMa · 21/05/2021 09:56

YANBU at all,glad you have refused.
You did not ruined anyone's holidays,your friend did when booking camping holidays and being CF.Who on earth books holiday like this without having equipment first?

bigbadbedknobs · 21/05/2021 13:34

YANBU at all. I have read all those dreadful stories and can't believe the stories of people who have so disrespected the possessions of others. One of mine lent some equipment to a lovely friend who didn't take precautions in the high winds and wrecked it. another time it was a tent for the Duke of Edinburgh expedition, turned out that the bits had been split between a couple of people and returned without the canvas or pegs. which was only noticed right at the last minute when another child went to use it. Honestly had a child of mine returned with poles or canvas for someone else's tent I'd have had it back to the owner without any delay
I've seen people pitching borrowed family-sized tents on campsites and they often they need at least one extra person anyway, due to the size, it's pitiful to behold. Usually, someone comes to help but some can be really difficult. I am not sure if they do, but tents should come with info on how many adults it takes to put up or down. A new or borrowed tent you need to put up before you go camping, even if you are experienced with tents.
I'd lend to my children as know they are careful, or some of their friends that I know look after their equipment
I've gone over to the air tent side, second-hand Vango, but before I spent out I chatted to someone on the campsite who had one, they were pretty new then. So I knew that one short slight female could put it up and down on her own.

Saxineno · 21/05/2021 17:25

I leant my sister my tent against my better judgement, lectured her about proper use, and she had a fire too close and got covered in little ash holes. I then upgraded to an air tent, and she's after that one but no way!!!

erasemybrain · 21/05/2021 17:29

We lent our tent to my brother and his wife last year. 6 man air tent. And all the stuff. They broke the main door zip and now the tent is scrap. Definitely don't lend it to anyone I learnt the hard way. Now we have no tent for our holidays this year 😫

thenovice · 21/05/2021 17:31

Stick to your guns. She is labouring under a burden of massive entitlement if she thinks she can book a holiday assuming she can have your tent.

Hang on to it and have a lovely holiday.

TinselTinsel · 21/05/2021 17:38

@Jobsharenightmare

That's really not on. She doesn't sound like a friend to me. My friends wouldn't dream of making plans based on my belongings. It wouldn't even cross their mind. Even if they did want to borrow something they would never count on it beforehand or make it seem like an expectation I should agree to.
My friend makes plans on my belongings A LOT! I let her borrow each once and then it's a firm NO! Most of the time she doesn't even actually ask, she tells me she will use my this or that and again she gets told no based on presumption!
fedupwithcookingfromscratch · 21/05/2021 17:40

YANBU. I am not a camper and in fact actively loathe it. However, DD is desperate to go and wants to go with me instead of my ex. So I booked a site where the tent and all the equipment is there waiting for you. It's not glamorous glamping (no fairy lights or cashmere throw ) and there is a bucket shower I am having nightmares about, but it wasn't expensive. I wouldn't have a clue how to look after all the equipment and wouldn't dream of assuming my friends would pay for my holiday. She's a CF!

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