To be worried that DP only eats lamb...and smells of it

[littlepieces]

DP eats a combination of lamb, potatoes and baked beans for every. single. meal. Sometimes he has chicken, or a bacon sandwich with GF bread. He has porridge for breakfast with 2 tablespoons of sugar. He had some digestive issues a few years ago and became convinced he has a gluten intolerance - he knows the meat, potato, beans combo is safe. But he won't go to the doctors to get properly checked out.

However, I'm really worried about his health. He constantly smells like lamb fat, it emnates from his pores. He's become quite pasty looking and very skinny. AIBU for desperately wanting to do something about it/what can I do to help? I'm a very adventurous eater, love veg, and I always offer him bits of whatever I cook (GF) but he refuses. I'm guessing he has something like ARFID. I think he's always been a fussy eater and eats purely because he has to. I understand his mum used to cook him chips pretty much every day for dinner as a child because that's what he wanted.

[Fitforforty]

That can’t be good for his help. There was a similar thread in the last couple of weeks and somebody raised the story of the man who went blind due to his poor diet.

Like other medical condition eg alcoholism, I don’t think your wrong to say get help or it’s the end of our relationship. Obviously there is never a reason too small to end a relationship but this is a big issue.

[IhaveMyMoments]

I had an ex that ate ridiculous portions as well as limited . It was stomach churning.

Diet was
Chicken plain
Bacon
Sausgaes
Chips
Eggs
Bread
Burgers
Pork loin
Roast spuds
Yorkshires

Day in day out. He was middle aged. But would say peas are like bogies.,

A typical portion would be 8 big sausages. 8 bacon. 4 eggs, a basket of fried chips out the fryer, a LOAF of bread.
No kidding it was vile.

We didn't live together thankfully.

And how he rammed food in like rather than bite a bit of the bread he'd like roll it up to get it in his mouth.

I hated cooking for him.

[Branleuse]

I would dump someone for always smelling like lamb fat.
Have you told him?

[Esspee]

I met a really interesting guy on OLD. Felt sure we would be perfect together until he told me he only eats meat and potatoes. Dropped him like a hot brick.
OP you need to get him to take his health seriously. If he is not prepared to then find someone like yourself.
(I want to ask if you actually have sex with someone who smells like a leg of lamb but that would be rude.)

[Pinkdelight3]

Holy shit @IhaveMyMoments!! He sounds horrendous! Thank god you got rid. 8 sausages - and the rest???

[SingToTheSky]

Can you focus on getting him to take a vitamin regularly, and very slowly trying to bridge out from what he can eat now to add any more variety? Eg if he will eat baked beans, would he let you cook and blend some spinach and stir in a tiny quantity, and then gradually increase the amount? Be prepared for it to take a long time - a few weeks.

I’m so torn because while this is a kind thing to do I would probably resent needing to babysit an adult through this process. If he wanted to change but was asking for help because he was struggling to do it alone, I absolutely would. But the stubbornness and unwillingness to see another viewpoint would be deeply unattractive and would feel like I had a(nother) child.

DH and I have supported each other through a huge amount of MH/SN related issues over the years because that’s what you do when you love each other, but the person with the difficulty has to want to change too. That’s the difference.

[Horehound]

@H2OConnoisseur omg that would have topped me over the edge. Going all the way to Japan for her to refuse everything. Jesus.
Yeh it's just not worth sticking around for.

[imogensmudge]

I'd feel a bit mean to be 'not putting up with it' - I don't want to leave someone because of a health/mental health problem

That there is female socialisation. - that we are taught to be 'kind' to others at our own expense.
There is nothing to feel mean about! There is nothing wrong with leaving someone because they choose to live in a way that makes them stink and ill.
Respect yourself and make the choice that makes you happiest, not him, and has you living your best life. Because you bloody matter.

[Horehound]

@SingToTheSky that's what I thought when I read it. Sounds like a mother trying to wean her baby.
Not attractive, not up to her.

[DelBocaVista]

I suffer from ARFID and it's so stressful.
Some of the responses on here are just plain nasty. I'm grateful my DH is more understanding.

[Shewholovedthethebanhills]

I say this with kindness - I think he needs a therapist if this is going to change, not a dietician. This is clearly very deep-seated. I realise of course that his seeing a therapist sounds very unlikely.

[SingToTheSky]

@imogensmudge

I'd feel a bit mean to be 'not putting up with it' - I don't want to leave someone because of a health/mental health problem

That there is female socialisation. - that we are taught to be 'kind' to others at our own expense.
There is nothing to feel mean about! There is nothing wrong with leaving someone because they choose to live in a way that makes them stink and ill.
Respect yourself and make the choice that makes you happiest, not him, and has you living your best life. Because you bloody matter.

Totally this.

It’s not leaving someone because of a problem, it’s leaving them because they refuse to acknowledge let alone attempt to help it. Massive difference.

[H2OConnoisseur]

[quote Horehound]@H2OConnoisseur omg that would have topped me over the edge. Going all the way to Japan for her to refuse everything. Jesus.
Yeh it's just not worth sticking around for.[/quote]
Yeah we ended up spending 8/12 days at McDonald's so she wouldn't starve. We had tonkatsu and I specifically ordered a chicken one so she could try it. Had one bite and was told it doesn't taste like nuggets/had a bit of spice so she went back to eating fries.

[RickJames]

@DelBocaVista

Sorry if I was one of the harsh comments. What have you found has helped you with your condition?

[Horehound]

Lol I'm angry on your behalf @H2OConnoisseur
My parents lived in Monaco for years and my dad's company put on a lavish event which all my family were invited to including BF. For the food it was amazing seafood, steak, paté, soufflé etc etc you know all the best if the best fine dining french cuisine. It was a massive hoo ha to cater for my bf and in the end he ended up with a baguette and some cheese. So embarrassing and pathetic.

[VodkaSlimline]

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

If all he ate as a child was chips and he's still an extremely picky eater could he possibly have a form of ARFID?

Can you focus on getting him to take a vitamin regularly, and very slowly trying to bridge out from what he can eat now to add any more variety? Eg if he will eat baked beans, would he let you cook and blend some spinach and stir in a tiny quantity, and then gradually increase the amount? Be prepared for it to take a long time - a few weeks.

Same re potatoes. Could you try and get him to eat a single piece of sweet potato as part of the meal.then try a parsnip, or piece of butternut squash, but very gradually - tiny tiny pieces initially.

This is ridiculous advice. He's her partner, not a toddler. OP, don't make his issues your problem. Men who eat like fussy children are such a turn-off!

[Horehound]

@DelBocaVista well sorry but it is incredibly frustrating. I imagine you are doing things to help yourself though? Maybe that's why your partner is so understanding? The problems arise when the person is a closed book and dies nothing to try and change. As you can see in the above posts, being with someone like this is actually very restrictive and limiting to what you can do.
And also, we don't know for sure he actually has this, it's just speculation. Maybe he's just bloody minded and only likes these foods....

[MangosteenSoda]

I’m not sure I could cope with sleeping next to a leg of lamb every night.

He definitely needs to see someone to deal with his physical/mental health issues around food, but it’s not like you can drag him there. Equally, pretending everything is ok doesn’t help either.

I don’t think this is particularly uncommon. There was a lifestyle article in the Guardian recently about a farmer who ate the same thing every day. It was something weird like fish with an egg and an onion (no explanation re preparation). As something of an aside in the same article, the farmer mentioned having had multiple strokes/heart problems. Also that he was a lifelong bachelor. I do think it’s really hard living with someone with such restrictions. I have a family member who eats no fruit or veg or ‘foreign’ food and understand how tricky it is.

[BillyTodd]

[quote Horehound]@SingToTheSky that's what I thought when I read it. Sounds like a mother trying to wean her baby.
Not attractive, not up to her.[/quote]
THIS, in bucket loads.

How have you not got the ick yet?

As others have said, dump him. Not because he has (might have) a medical condition, but because he won't take basic action to address his health. And it's not your job to do it for him.

Also with a diet of meat and baked beans I bet his farts smell putrid

[52andblue]

I went to Italy with an ex.
Great 'easy' food - endless variety of fresh pastas and salads or simply grilled fish and meat and veg if preferred. Easy to avoid most things if disliked (garlic) due to sheer variety of food available. eg fruit / gelato.
We ate at McDonalds. For 5 days. It was miserable.

Doesn't sound like you are well suited sadly.

[1forAll74]

I don't suppose your partner will seek out any help,if he feels ok with what he eats..Lamb is supposed to be a healthy meat to eat..Maybe it's the amounts of it that he eats that is the problem.. Bodies need a selection of all different kinds of foodstuffs, to keep them functioning properly. Eating just one type of thing all the time,will give you an overload of that food,especially a meat of some sort,when you really need other stuff as well, as in balancing things for all your body needs.

People who eat a lot of hot curries,usually have strong body odour about them.,which they probably wouldn't have,if they didn't eat a lot of hot curries.

I feel like getting some lamb now, I haven't had any for ages,
Some hot countries have lamb dishes all the time,as they don't have a lot of cattle.!

[Horehound]

I’m not sure I could cope with sleeping next to a leg of lamb every night

Oh god I laughed a lot at this!
Maybe op should sprinkle him with rosemary at bedtime!

[DelBocaVista]

[quote RickJames]@DelBocaVista

Sorry if I was one of the harsh comments. What have you found has helped you with your condition?[/quote]
Very little does tbh. I try really hard to try new things but it can literally make me physically sick. I was starting to improve but suffered terrible sickness and food aversions when pregnant and this has set me back significantly.

I hate it when people draw attention to it. I know I have a problem. I don't need people to tell me that. I'd rather not eat or pretend to eat than make a fuss. I was mortified when at a friends wedding they thought they were being thoughtful (which they were!) when they asked the chef to make something special for me. I was so embarrassed.

Telling me to try new things just doesn't work. I physically can't. It causes me an awful lot of social anxiety. I need to study a restaurant menu before I go so I can work out what I can eat, pretend to eat or make my excuses as to why I won't be eating.

Ironically according to my DH I'm a really good cook! Happy to cook anything as long as I don't need to eat it!

[skybluee]

That sound really baaaaaaaaaaa a a a a d :(