To be worried that DP only eats lamb...and smells of it

[littlepieces]

DP eats a combination of lamb, potatoes and baked beans for every. single. meal. Sometimes he has chicken, or a bacon sandwich with GF bread. He has porridge for breakfast with 2 tablespoons of sugar. He had some digestive issues a few years ago and became convinced he has a gluten intolerance - he knows the meat, potato, beans combo is safe. But he won't go to the doctors to get properly checked out.

However, I'm really worried about his health. He constantly smells like lamb fat, it emnates from his pores. He's become quite pasty looking and very skinny. AIBU for desperately wanting to do something about it/what can I do to help? I'm a very adventurous eater, love veg, and I always offer him bits of whatever I cook (GF) but he refuses. I'm guessing he has something like ARFID. I think he's always been a fussy eater and eats purely because he has to. I understand his mum used to cook him chips pretty much every day for dinner as a child because that's what he wanted.

[Frequentflier]

You are going to have to decide if you are ok being his mom and spend your days coaxing and wheedling him to have a bit of cucumber. I would do this for my child but no one else.

[Horehound]

The crux of it is:
Is he open to getting help?
Can the op live with it if he isn't?

And I agree with a PP that telling him the fact he smells of lamb is not nasty. Op needs to get a bit tougher imo cause he obviously isn't going to do anything about to without her saying how it might affect their relationship.if he wants to be with her, he should try and get help. Of he isn't willing, well that says it all.

[RickJames]

@DelBocaVista

Thank you for your patient reply, I didn't know anything about this condition. Best of luck to you in your quest to try more foods. You sound lovely

[joystir59]

A lamb stinker. Yuck. My dog smells of meat most of the time and I forgive him and love him regardless. But a lamby partner? LTB

[DelBocaVista]

[quote RickJames]@DelBocaVista

Thank you for your patient reply, I didn't know anything about this condition. Best of luck to you in your quest to try more foods. You sound lovely [/quote]
Thank you - I'm incredibly competent in all other aspects of my life just don't make me eat food I don't like!! lol

[MyOctopusFeature]

If he sucked some Extra Strong Mints it would complement the lamb and dilute its odour.

[bloodyhell19]

@littlepieces

I'd feel a bit mean to be 'not putting up with it' - I don't want to leave someone because of a health/mental health problem. But he doesn't seem to want help and seems perfectly happy with his eating habits, so I don't know how far I'd be right to get involved? I've told him (gently) he smells of lamb all the time and he tells me I'm being nasty!

If he's so very content with restricting himself and also not helping himself either than that would concern me more for whatever other issues there might be down the road. What happens when you go away for a holiday? Or out for dinner? Unaddressed issues affect more than one party in a relationship.

And smelling of lamb is vile.

[EmergencyHydrangea]

The comments on here are weird. Just let him eat what he eats and you eat what you eat

[Triffid1]

If he has a MH problem, or a physical problem, he should seek help so while I understand why posters are upset at people being rude about the OP's DP, I also 100% understand her frustration. Also, there is nothing more frustrating that someone who claims to have a specific eating intolerance.... having done zero research or testing to actually check whether that is true. It's even MORe irritating when that person then also cuts out/over eats a whole lot of other things that, even if they DID have the specified intolerance, would not be recommended.

Lamb is not in fact a super healthy meat. It tends to be quite fatty, and while there are leaner cuts, and it's often possible to remove the excess fat, I wouldn't consider it a lean protein (totally delicious though it is). So eating a lot of it is not that good for his health. ditto the lack of fresh fruit and vegetables. I am kind of surprised he doesn't have more digestive problems with this diet.

In this situation I don't think I'd be able to sympathise with any related or other health problems as I'd consider them to be self inflicted. If he was willing to actually be tested, see a dietician/therapist etc as necessary, that would be an entirely different ball game.

The PP who has ARFID is a classic example of the type of individual most of us can sympathise with - someone who struggles but who wants to be well. No one expects problems to be solved immediately, but some proactive attempts are appreciated.

[skybluee]

Normally I'd agree with that but his diet really is very limited.

[skybluee]

(to EmergencyHydrangea)

[Caramel81]

My ex would only eat ham sandwiches on white bread or microwave curries. Very occasionally he would eat fish and chips if I pushed him to. It drove me barmy!

[SnappyMcSnapface]

The smell of lamb makes me barf. I got queasy just reading this! I really feel for you OP, that sounds awful.

[Patientzer0]

Some of these comments are just awful, my son has restricted eating due to his autism. How upsetting to read such spite.

[BillyTodd]

@DelBocaVista

The comments on this post...ARFID is a recognised ED so would you make such cruel comments about an anorexic persons eating habits???

Exactly.
I fucking hate MN at the moment. It's a horrible place.

We don't know that this guy has ARID. If we did, you'd be right. All we know is that he has an incredibly limited diet, smells... "unusual", and won't seek any professional help about either of these things.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

@IhaveMyMoments

I had an ex that ate ridiculous portions as well as limited . It was stomach churning.

Diet was
Chicken plain
Bacon
Sausgaes
Chips
Eggs
Bread
Burgers
Pork loin
Roast spuds
Yorkshires

Day in day out. He was middle aged. But would say peas are like bogies.,

A typical portion would be 8 big sausages. 8 bacon. 4 eggs, a basket of fried chips out the fryer, a LOAF of bread.
No kidding it was vile.

We didn't live together thankfully.

And how he rammed food in like rather than bite a bit of the bread he'd like roll it up to get it in his mouth.

I hated cooking for him.

Dear God . What the fuck did you see in him?

[OwlBeThere]

@Triffid1

If he has a MH problem, or a physical problem, he should seek help so while I understand why posters are upset at people being rude about the OP's DP, I also 100% understand her frustration. Also, there is nothing more frustrating that someone who claims to have a specific eating intolerance.... having done zero research or testing to actually check whether that is true. It's even MORe irritating when that person then also cuts out/over eats a whole lot of other things that, even if they DID have the specified intolerance, would not be recommended.

Lamb is not in fact a super healthy meat. It tends to be quite fatty, and while there are leaner cuts, and it's often possible to remove the excess fat, I wouldn't consider it a lean protein (totally delicious though it is). So eating a lot of it is not that good for his health. ditto the lack of fresh fruit and vegetables. I am kind of surprised he doesn't have more digestive problems with this diet.

In this situation I don't think I'd be able to sympathise with any related or other health problems as I'd consider them to be self inflicted. If he was willing to actually be tested, see a dietician/therapist etc as necessary, that would be an entirely different ball game.

The PP who has ARFID is a classic example of the type of individual most of us can sympathise with - someone who struggles but who wants to be well. No one expects problems to be solved immediately, but some proactive attempts are appreciated.

I completely empathise with OP. As a parent is f a child with restricted eating it’s massively frustrating, upsetting, irritating, annoying, sad and all other kinds of emotions. So if she’s not up for it anymore she is absolutely within her rights to call it a day. There’s just no need for the way some posters are speaking about what ultimately isn’t his fault. But it doesn’t surprise me, mumsnet are notoriously cruel when it comes to people who are ‘fussy eaters’. M

[DelBocaVista]

We don't know that this guy has ARID. If we did, you'd be right. All we know is that he has an incredibly limited diet, smells... "unusual", and won't seek any professional help about either of these things.

Lots of people were offering up general nasty comments about people with limited diets. It became more than just about the OPs husband.

[OwlBeThere]

@BillyTodd he has disordered eating, at minimum he is well on his way to an ED. He would highly likely be diagnosed with ARFID if he saw a doctor. He has all the classic symptoms. Would you be so dismissive if he was a teenage girl who was displaying the typical signs of anorexia? If so why not?

[Punxsutawney]

There doesn't seem to be any help out there for ARFID, well for a teenager anyway. I don't know if there is more support with adult services.
My Ds probably has it and has just had a specialist referral for diagnosis and treatment refused. Our local ED team won't touch ARFID at all.
There is no help for families dealing with it, so I can understand it must be difficult if it's a partner.
Ds is very underweight and unwell at times and still can't get support, so at the moment I can see him turning into an adult who has very restricted eating and health problems.

[Humpty11]

I love that everyone jumps straight to “LTB” as soon as someone isn’t perfect 🤦🏼‍♀️.
I can imagine it’s becoming frustrating for you and you obviously want to help him. Has he considered seeing a dietician if he won’t go to the GP? It sounds like he needs some mental health support too but that might come later if he’s not open to any referrals. I hope you manage to get through to him soon.
Has anyone else mentioned about his smell?

[Graphista]

Very possible he's at least anaemic and very likely deficient in other nutrients even though he eats red meat. He needs vitamin c to absorb and only eating one vegetable is ludicrous! Most veg is GF but as he doesn't even have a diagnosis he's being an idiot!

Not least because something more serious could be going on with his digestive system.

How old is he? Changes in bowel habits etc can be indicative of several conditions aside from celiac disease which is actually relatively uncommon.

My ex when I met him would only eat 6 things, literally 6 and that included bread and potatoes!

I'm veggie and he reacted poorly to that and then I pointed out I ate more healthily and a far wider range of foods than he did which he had to accept was true.

It was his mothers fault (she's actually a lovely lady but failed on this aspect) as he was the youngest of 4 and when he went through his perfectly normal but shouldn't be conceded to fussy phase as a toddler she placated and capitulated. I think she's a bit too soft but also with 4 others to feed and run around after she was knackered! And so found it easier to just only give him what he would eat but she NEVER addressed it as he got older and he never moved on from that phase until I met him.

We had a LOT of discussion about it and what I did was I gradually introduced him to other foods (I started with sweeter foods like fruit and sweeter veg) not only eating but handling prepping and cooking (he could barely cook when I met him either, but he'd never had to - mums to army he'd never lived properly alone) and over time he became much better.

When I met him his stomach was a mess! He was always either constipated or had diarrhoea and always kept in a stock of laxatives and otc diarrhoea treatments. He'd even have regular spells of vomiting too maybe once every few months? He was also prone to colds and similar infections.

Actually thinking about it the first thing I did was get him to take a multivitamin with iron and start drinking a glass of fruit juice in the mess with breakfast. (He'd only have tea and toast for breakfast and only butter on the toast)

He was extremely slim because he wasn't having enough calories and was doing a manual physically demanding job and went to the gym every day.

This was pre internet times so I even found magazine articles and books from the library to educate him on nutrition and exercise. His PT instructor was introduced to me on a work night out and he was like "thank god someone is finally getting through to him about eating well" turns out he'd been trying to get through to him for ages and was actually really concerned about his health.

His colour gradually improved and he started gaining weight - which pissed him off at first but thankfully the PT guy pointed out to him that he'd been borderline underweight previously and he NEEDED to gain some weight and it was still mostly muscle anyway. He also pointed out that he was doing better on his fitness evals

It's a long haul thing, if he's a new partner to you it may not be worth your while but if it's an established relationship and you want to stay with him then it can be sorted. BUT he has to be willing to do the work, even if it makes him anxious right now. If he's willing to make a start then good but if he absolutely won't even consider discussing it then I would be out.

Agree too with those saying to get him to see a dietician (NOT a nutritionist. Anyone can be a nutritionist but dieticians are registered hcps with medical training) but he really ought to see a dr too AND be honest with them about the symptoms at the start of all this as more serious conditions MUST be ruled out first - this is IMPORTANT.

And if it is an ED he needs proper professional help with that too, ED's can cause major physical ill health as well as the mh distress.

I'd be very worried about his physical health given what we now know about the consumption of red meat and especially fatty meats.

[Rubyrecka]

Urgh gross!!!

[Graphista]

Sorry meant to include, my ex was very slim, pretty fit but when he got checked at my suggestion his cholesterol, bp, pulse rate and blood sugars (chocolate was the main sweet thing he ate) were all appallingly unhealthy. He was really shocked at the cholesterol as he was slim but the dr taught us about "fat inside skinny outside" issue which I'd not known of either.

He told the story of a marathon running chap he knew who had a heart attack during a marathon in early 30's and when he was checked over his cholesterol was sky high. Turned out marathon runner thought he could be healthy just by being slim/running off the calories and was eating loads of fried food, starches and high fat foods, chocolate, cakes etc and thought he'd get away with that cos of the running. He was also diabetic and hadn't realised.

[VestaTilley]

Get him to go to a GP and get a full check up. Get him to take a complete vitamin supplement each day if he’ll agree.

Don’t have children with him.