to be surprised at how many Mumsnetters are fine with pornography? II

[Judy1234]

Continuing the previous thread - people's sexuality varies hugely and what some people think is disgusting is good fun for others. It's impossible to generalise and say XYZ practice is wrong or repugnant and I agree with the posts at the end of the other thread that porn often just reflects what people do. Obviously you pick where your own interests lie and are glad human beings are diverse.

with apols to any illiterate mners

oh vvv we're not talking about sex we're talking about porn! again!

nothing wrong with anal sex! promise I really doo believe that!

i know....

But, do you not wonder how we know these things?

eh?

off topic proper congrats btw - you looked lovely!

Too 'der' to care!

It looks like the debate has run its course -
so what's the Mumsnet verdict?

Should Mumsnetters be more up in arms about porn?

My view: Not at the moment but let's keep an eye on it.

sorry vvvq just realised this might not have been the perfect thread to acknowledge RL!

LOL! Yes - thank you.

I'd PMSL if that is what kills this thread finally

monkeytrousers, i always thought this was based on the diary of Belle de jour? Is that fiction too? Genuine question?

As for legalised prostitution, surely that can only be a good thing?

I had a very good friend who did some pornographic films and photos. She was in a certain magazine because she had sex with a whole football team. There were pics of her naked surrounded by this group of men, she earned some good money.
BUT
She was also quite troubled and had been used and abused by men since she was a teenager. She also had had major brain surgery and her memory was not good. I have changed my name because I'm really ashamed of this incident. When we were both 16 we took a bottle of wine down to the canal and a couple of blokes on a boat started chatting to us and offered to pick us up on their way down the canal. We agreed, stupid I know. Anyway they picked us up and we all had a drink and then stopped off at a pub by which time I was really drunk and couldnt drink anymore. My friend kept drinking. We then got back on the boat. Eventually she went inside and had sex with one of the guys. The other guy wanted to have sex with me but I was a virgin and really quite scared at that point, it was getting dark. Anyway, my friend came outside and was lying naked over the side of the boat being sick, at which point the guy who wanted to have sex with me went over to her and just started shagging her while she was still being sick. Now, I'm sure there are lot's of people in the porn industry who are quite capable of looking after themselves, but i'm sure an awful lot are like my friend who need help.

Another incident, jeez this is all so horrible for me to write down but I just felt I had to, was when I was on a night out in quite a rough area and someone in the group drove us to a brothel so he could get some weed. In the car next to us there was a very young girl with a bloke, a lot older than her, and this girl was staring out of the car window looking completely vacant, obviously on drugs. This girl was under 16. no doubt about that. Who knows where she is now, probably doing the same thing, but maybe doing porn films etc.

I'm not sure where I stand on the porn issue but I know a lot of the discussion has been about the way women are portrayed in porn films.

I told dh about the canal incident and he seemed really upset asking me why i didnt stop the other guy from doing that to my friend. Simple, two 16 year old girls on a boat with two much older guys, loads of alcohol and it was dark. Not clever to kick up a fuss, or should I have done something?

oh flinty, jesus, how awful for both of you.
I think you were (rightly) afraid, and also very very young, and that's why you didn't act.
And actually, it probablywas the right decision. Had you had done, it's very possible that things would have got even worse.

really sorry that happened to you.

VVVQV - ive always been a bit suspect about breadsticks, as in what is the point of them, now, it seems, i know!!!

LEM, I need to ask you something, please could you text me? [email protected]. Thanks

flinty, that is awful, just awful - totally not your fault. I hope your friend finds some inner peace soon. I think that your post highlights exactly what my problem with porn is. On the face of it, i like it, it arouses me, but stopping to think about the participants and how they got to be doing that, well its not something that sits well with me.

rabbit - you have mail

Thank you!

im intrigued??? will i be getting some mail soon>?

Flinty, whilst that is an awful thing, I don't see the connection to porn

Men that are arseholes are arseholes full stop.

In that instance, I'd say girls and boys need educating about drink and self worth and not getting into situations they can't handle. You managed to not get involved, your friend didn't.

The girl in the car, again, drug abuse, educate our children

There is no doubt that the industry needs strict regulations and checks though

minority the point is that this damaged girl went on to bcm a porn actress

But damaged people would go on to damaging behahviour if porn wasn't there. Many would go on to abuse drugs/alcohol/self harm etc

The issue is helping damaged people through and spend decent money on mental health projects, therapy etc

Damaged people go on to recover, not all go into porn

Maybe, she is in porn as form of control of her sexuality? It isn't, but maybe she thinks she is?

I went through a phase of treating men really badly and choosing submissive men after my rape, to control the men the way I was controlled. Therapy and councilling got me back to a more balanced view on men and sex.

Lucy, have you never wondered why the waiters carry them in their trousers?

So what are the anti porn people saying? That no one should pay anyone else to appear for the sexual gratification of others? Or are we saying only certain acts that are done should be banned? Remember even prostitution isn't illegal in the UK.

Just because some people who run industries are corrupt (I can think of many like that) doesn't mean we ban the industry.

minority, not sure the fact that damaged people subsequently go on to have damaged lives is the point.

i think maybe we need to flip the question to get further into the porn question.

ie Do the participants in industrial porn tend to be previously damaged?

(very very sorry that was done to you M)

Xenia, I think the general consensus amongst the anit-porn posters was that all porn is in some way degrading to women.

The pro-porn posters, agreed that some was, but not all, and also said that some things which may seem degrading to one eprson are not to another.

DaddyJ, I agree with your conclusion!!

I still thnk my point about education makes more sense than trying to stop porn. Teach people how to use these sex aids (which is what porn boils down to really) with respect for themselves and others and most of the problems would be solved.