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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 4 year old alone

203 replies

LittleLego · 17/05/2021 15:31

Please help settle an argument.

DH has left DD (4 years old) alone momentarily twice in the last week.
The first time he ran to the corner shop at the end of the road, it's 60 yards away and he said he was three minutes at most. He locked DD in the house watching TV, it wasn't an essential purchase it if matters at all, I was back from work a couple of hours later and could have called en route.

Second time DD was in the bath and DH popped downstairs to check on dinner that was cooking, we live in a solid house where sound doesn't travel well, we can't hear her crying at night for example without the baby monitor on. He said he was only 10 seconds. I've left her to go to the adjoining room to grab a towel etc but talk to her throughout, he can't see how this is any different.

I'm really quite angry that he feels this is ok, he's begrudgingly said it won't happen again but only after arguing the toss that she's sensible and nothing happened. I'm concerned about his lack of judgement, I've talked about how it only takes a second to slip and bang her head blah blah but he's not seeing it the same way. Both of these incidents I only found out about after DD told me. I have a tendency towards anxiety and catastrophising things so want some outside opinions, AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 17/05/2021 19:00

@SunshineCake

In British English, "to bathe" means to swim in the sea. "To bath" means to take a bath.

Nope.

Absolutely nope! How odd.
FreekStar · 17/05/2021 19:16

Whether or not the child can swim is totally irrelevant!

freakyfridays · 17/05/2021 19:23

@FreekStar

Whether or not the child can swim is totally irrelevant!
true

but this is MN Grin

Drunkenmonkey · 17/05/2021 19:55

I would never leave a 4 year old home alone.
The bath thing I would do if it was literally checking dinner for a few seconds. Running downstairs, checking dinner and coming back up shouldn't take more than 30 seconds and a 4 year old is very low risk for bath time drowning.
The vast majority of incidents occur in babies and toddlers who are unable to get back up if they slip.

lynsey91 · 17/05/2021 19:57

@FreekStar

At what age would you all say it IS safe to leave a child in a bath for a the time it takes to run down the stairs, look in the oven, and run back up?
Older than 4. How long does it take to run down the stairs and check the oven?

What if in running down the stairs, if he did run, he had fallen and hurt himself? Not very sensible to run down the stairs either

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/05/2021 20:01

I doubt it really was only 10 seconds to go downstairs and “check dinner” Hmm. Unless you live in a teeny tiny house.

Wowyouareboring · 17/05/2021 20:15

Woah ! No way should he leave a 4 year old locked in while he goes anywhere ! Don’t care how close shop is that is totally unacceptable, just bloody get child’s shoes and coat on and take them !
I would be livid

Wowyouareboring · 17/05/2021 20:16

Defo shouldn’t leave in bath either at that age, too young not worth the risk

BountyIsUnderrated · 17/05/2021 20:51

I'm shocked at the amount of people that think leaving alone in a bath for more than a few seconds is ok. What if they turned the hot tap on and scalded themselves or slipped and banged their head.
Going out to the shops is just as bad if not worse, for a start it's actually illegal and also what if you got hit by a car or something. Or someone broke into the house while you were away, a fire could break out etc. It's just not worth the risk.

WickedQueen · 17/05/2021 21:00

I have a four year old. She’d go off her head if I left her alone. She’d be really really scared. Also she bloody loves a wee walk to the shop (might be a sweetie in it if she’s good) so I find it kind of sad that he wouldn’t take a wee opportunity to get her out for a walk to the shop instead of leaving her in front of the tv.

The bath thing I’m probably less excited about. I wouldn’t go downstairs and leave mine in the bath but nor do I stay in the bathroom all the time. I potter in and out (but stay upstairs at all times). She baths with my six year old and they take their toys in to play on the bath tray.

Hesma · 17/05/2021 21:21

I’ve only just started leaving my DDs alone when I pop to the shop and they are 11 and 8!
As for leaving a 4 year old in the bath, don’t get me started 🤦‍♀️

freakyfridays · 17/05/2021 21:22

Going out to the shops is just as bad if not worse, for a start it's actually illegal

it's a very grey area actually

The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.

Wrenna · 17/05/2021 21:25

All the instances you sited here are wrong.

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/05/2021 21:27

@freakyfridays

Going out to the shops is just as bad if not worse, for a start it's actually illegal

it's a very grey area actually

The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.

Most rational people understand the risk involved in a 4 year old being home alone.
freakyfridays · 17/05/2021 21:34

Most rational people understand the risk involved in a 4 year old being home alone.

they might, but it's not as straightforward legally. 🤷

absolutelyknackeredcow · 17/05/2021 21:35

I'm very laid back. I have a sensible 10 year old. I'm only just considering leaving her at home to pop to the local shops. No way at four - absolutely no way

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/05/2021 21:36

@freakyfridays

Most rational people understand the risk involved in a 4 year old being home alone.

they might, but it's not as straightforward legally. 🤷

Yes, I get that. But the legal aspect really shouldn't be a consideration when you're wondering whether it's ok to swan off to the shops and leave your 4 year old behind in an otherwise empty house. It's legally ok for a 5 year old to drink wine at home. So what?
user1471439310 · 17/05/2021 21:37

Children that you T should never be left in the bath at all. Get everything ready and stay with your child. Doesn't take but a couple of minutes for a young child to drown or slip and hurt themselves.

freakyfridays · 17/05/2021 22:09

But where do you put the limit?

Not ok to pop to the neighbours?
to have a chat with a friend in front of your house?
to be at the end of the garden?
to post a letter at the end of the road?

It's not that unusual for someone to walk the dog around the house when the kids are already asleep.

Every parent has a different view on what is acceptable.

WickedQueen · 17/05/2021 22:16

It's not that unusual for someone to walk the dog around the house when the kids are already asleep

My sister in law did this when my nephew was a newborn and my brother in law was on nightshift. It made me feel sick. I mentioned it to my mother in law who started going round to sit for an hour to let her walk the dog. SIL was FURIOUS with me. But in didn’t know what else to do other than report her and I didn’t want to do that. She was otherwise a great mum, this was just a huge error of judgement.

Looubylou · 17/05/2021 22:20

I would definately not leave a 4 year old in the house alone, incase something happened to stop me getting back to them. I did, however, used to potter about sometimes while dc was in the bath with the door open.

Cleverpolly3 · 17/05/2021 22:23

@freakyfridays

But where do you put the limit?

Not ok to pop to the neighbours?
to have a chat with a friend in front of your house?
to be at the end of the garden?
to post a letter at the end of the road?

It's not that unusual for someone to walk the dog around the house when the kids are already asleep.

Every parent has a different view on what is acceptable.

There’s always one
freakyfridays · 17/05/2021 22:26

always one what Cleverpolly3?

wavecatcher · 17/05/2021 22:29

What have I read! Got no, I wouldn't be leaving him alone and in charge now at all. That's so irresponsible!

notanothertakeaway · 17/05/2021 22:34

OP, i'd be tempted to call his bluff and say "you think it's Ok, I don't. Let's run it past the health visitor and social work for advice" and see what he says